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Feeling grumpy and out of sorts - warning this is self indulgen

  • Just externalising... cos i need to.. had a really awful day... shitty day even... feel really irritated and wound up... so tired need to sleep but know i cannot because I feel too wound up.... so let me vent about my day... 

    First I quarreled with my daughter.... I took her to my college for a sorta meet and greet with someone there... daughter wants to go to this college so it needed to go well.. and it did.. but.. but.. I got the impression daughter didnt feel it went as well as she wanted... and... and... the lady recommended an App... the App sounded really cool to me and I was enthused and really felt it would help.. and I wanted daughter to be enthused and welcome giving it a go... 

    And that's when it all went wrong.. on the way home I tried to talk to daughter about the App.. and she was very negative... and pretty much said that she wouldn't even try it..  I guess I was irritated cos a) I really did think it was a cool App that could help and b) the lady who recommended it is going to get irritated if daughter keeps on not even trying stuff she suggests to try to help her... and c) cos *I* am irritated that daughter wont try things to help herself..  It almost felt like she doesnt even want to try things that could help her as this isnt the first thing recently...  

    SO we quarreled... and I had to leave it at that as I was due to go to my course, and I was out of sorts cos I felt sad and grumpy... and I felt bad cos maybe I handled it badly.. I was *telling* my daughter what to do... and I shouldn't... but then again what choice did I have cos the things being recommended for her ARE the right things for her... as in counselling, meditation/mindfullness to deal with anxiety and this App... but she wont try them and as she's the kid and I am the parent I have to consider what's best for her and if she's doing or not doing something that would help her I have to find a way.. 

    SO I talked to the people at the course about my quarrel.. they don't really know me or daughter.. and they seemed to get the impression daughter and I have don't talk.. as in dont get on.. nothing could be further from the truth.. and they said I shouldn't tell her what to do as me saying that means she would do the opposite and that if I didnt nag she would do it.. but I KNOW she is sooooooo stubborn she wouldn't...  lol how do I know this? I actually talked to daughter when i got home.. and put this to her.. she said no.. she really wouldn't do it even if I hadn't nagged...she just doesnt want to.. 

    And it just got worse and worse.. I really SUCKED tonight in my course.. I messed up... I was feeling brave and tried something.. i even volunteered.. but I messed up.. i was sooooo rubbish... I am cross with myself... I wish I hadn't tried.. I should have wimped out maybe.. let someone else do it.. It's all so much easier to be the one making comments on other's work than to be the one doing it.. And perhaps I shouldn't have tried cos I wasn't feeling quite right after the quarrel.... but then again maybe I am being too hard on myself...it was a very difficult task.. it was supposed to be.. so maybe I shouldn't worry it went so bad.. but .. but.. how come I still feel sh*t and like I made a mess of most of today... 

    I guess some days are just like this... lol tomorrow I am going to get daughter to install that App :P

Comments

4 comments
  • Just Asking likes this

  • Just Asking
    Just Asking
    *Raises Coffee Mug* To better days and app installations.
    December 1, 2016 - 1 likes this

  • DaydreambelieverTrumpDisbeliever
    DaydreambelieverTrumpDisbeliever Just Asking
    Thank you .. today was definitely a better day :)  Daughter has agreed to install the App :)
    December 2, 2016

  • hartfire
    hartfire
    I'm remembering an instance when my sister and I quarrelled.
    An art critic had rung to ask if I would come with him to Paris. If I accepted, he said, he could get me and Australia Council Grant.
    My sister overheard the conversation and heard me refuse the critic.
    Afterwards she insisted that I should go and flew into a rage when I continued to say no.
    She never asked me why.
    My reasons...
     1. I had already lived in Paris for 4.5 months, had seen all the main attractions and art institutions many times and thoroughly, and detested the sexual harassment of French men. (She knew this but could have forgotten it.)
    2. I had no respect for any grants gained by nepotism and could not live with myself if I ever accepted one.
    3. The critic wanted to have and affair with me and I knew he was schizophremic and prone to severe episodes of psychosis.

    If my sister had been willing to stop long enough to ask why, I am certain she would have understood. But she never gave me a chance to explain. Her rage became so abusive and physically violent that I had to ask her to leave my place.



    December 1, 2016 - 2 like this

  • DaydreambelieverTrumpDisbeliever
    DaydreambelieverTrumpDisbeliever hartfire
    Wow, I am with you.. the art critic thought he could *buy* you and you are worth way more than that.. you did the right thing but as you say, sometimes people don't listen.  Daughter didn't listen and that's what frustrated me...  today we went out for a meal, she watched some mental health videos and has agreed to try the App lol but *only* in school not at home where she has her *own* strategies aka video games... well it's a start :)
    December 2, 2016