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Bullying, cyber-bullying and why free speech is still my bug be

  • Not the best day for me today.. still unwell, tho getting better... took me all day to get the christmas decs down... I'd anticipated a couple of hours, a few more to do the other chores and maybe a rest and a film to reward myself - didn't work out that way.. not sure if I am still a little weak and tired or maybe I really do have too many decorations :P  In truth it was that I was slow and tired.. but never mind.. 

    I had no time for lunch or a rest... then got a phone call to go collect daughter from school.. she was upset... rightly so.  A kid in her tutor group who's been a problem for a long while, bullying, harassing and generally being a pain took a pic of my daughter and posted it on snapchat or instagram with some derogatory comment..   Daughter was rightly upset.. partly because she thought they did this before and I spoke to her tutor, (who's a computer science teacher) about it and said that it's NOT on for students to behave this way - posting pics of others to harass and bully them ... TUtor supposedly spoke to them and told them not to do it...   

    Tutor wasn't there today.. not sure if that's why.. but the girl took a pic of my daughter, then with her friends began posting it along with comments..  daughter saw this... and had a friend witness it..  Said friend then denied she saw it, which is another issue but it is just mystifying why kids have to be so mean!

    You would think it shouldn't be that one's own tutor group would behave this way.. they are year 11, not babies, they shouldn't be so infantile and mean... It's sad for us cos daughter has been badly bullied, and very damaged, by constant bullying at this school.. I just really hoped that her final few months there could be as easy as possible - especially as she's coming up to really important exam time... I don't need her upset like this :(  

    Fortunately, and unfathomably, the girl has admitted posting a pic of my daughter.. I can't imagine why she has confessed... maybe she didn't know that my daughter's friend wimped out and said she didn't see it. I guess this means they can now deal wth it.. but I'm still very put out. it's serious to post pics like this and make nasty derogatory comments for all to ridicule.. what planet are they on doing it when they were supposedly *warned* last time not to do it...   what if thy don't do something about it? Leaving it to the school how can I be sure they will punish the girl for what she did?

    Daughter doesn't want to go to school Monday.. well she WILL go... she has to... it's too important at this stage.. but I do feel for her.. she's had this utter cr*p to deal with throughout her time there.. and thing is.. it just SHOULDN'T happen.. it's NOT ok, it's NOT acceptable... its NOT civilised!  Its not how people should treat others...

    It's morally, ethically wrong!!  See daughter has *special needs* and yea that can make her stand out sometimes.. she looks normal but... they pick on her because she has a reduced ability to deal with it... that's how bullying works.. Bullies ALWAYS pick on someone they think/know is less able to deal with it.. if they picked on someone who wasn't in some way vulnerable they'd get a smack in the mouth for their troubles.. but that's not how bullies work.. they only pick on those who are in some way vulnerable.. and the thing is.. bullying in itself, especially over several years, can, in itself, reduce even further, a persons self-esteem and therefore their resilience and ability to cope with bullying... 

    AND this brings me back to one of my bug bears.. free speech.. as I've banged on several times we do have free speech here.. but I STILL do not believe that anyone has the right to use hate speech, derogatory or racist language.. My point I suppose is again that it's always someone who has less ability to retaliate, someone who is more vulnerable.. people don't pick on equals - only those they perceive as weaker/vulnerable and the mere act of being the victim of racist/ hate/derogatory/bullying language makes one feel more vulnerable  and more to the point -the right to freedom of speech when used to hurt someone else lessens their rights.. their right to live free from fear and humiliation.. 

    Anyway... let's hope they do punish the girl.. and let's hope that they do make sure the bullies in my daughter's tutor group lay off for the next few months.. and that she doesn't allow these constant harassment in the form of free speech bullying to distract her from her important exams... in 5 or so months she will be outta there..  and if all goes well she get to go to college.. a college where i know they do NOT tolerate bullying..   As you can see I am very anti bullying.. it may be only/mostly words.. but it's evil and it does real harm!!

Comments

6 comments
  • SapphicHeart likes this

  • SA (SuperA)  :)
    SA (SuperA) :)
    Wow...sorry your daughter has been bullied at school. My grandson was bullied at scchool...although nobody ever took his picture and posted it anywhere.

    It's sad that we as parents/grandparents/guardians of our children need to be worried if our child will be bullied. My grandson finally fought back, was kicked out of school, had a fine to pay, had to change schools, had to go to court. NOTHING happened to the other student. So unfair, as my grandson (who we were raising) avoided this student for months. He finally had it and fought. 

    I hope all works out for the best with your daughter. Bullying does harm a child's self esteem and worth. She's one lucky young lady to have you as a mother.  My best to you both

    January 6 - 1 likes this

  • DaydreambelieverTrumpDisbeliever
    DaydreambelieverTrumpDisbeliever SA (SuperA) :)
    Aww sorry you have had to go through that too..  My daughter was discussing it with one of her longest term online friends who was really sweet and who also said that if he were there he would *crush* them... I  actually said to my daughter that I almost wish she would crush them... But I suppose she has the moral high ground.. she refuses to resort to violence... 

    Poor mite has been horribly damaged by years of this... I still believe though that a positive college experience will be the making of her - she just has to get through the nxt few months and pass her exams. 

    January 6 - 1 likes this

  • Lago
    Lago
    You say that your daughter has been repeatedly bullied in school and that honestly brakes my heart. 
    It is the schools responsibility to provide a safe place for my kid to go to. I make the school fully responsible, not the bully, not the bullys mother, the school. I could not care less about the circumstances that make this kid act like a prick. But if the school can't control him, he shouldn't be there. 
    My boys got bullied twice while going to school. The first time, I went thru all the proper channels, and ended up with the police been called on me wafter I went into the school in a not very friendly mood.
    The second time, I told my other son, step on his foot and punch him in the mouth as hard as you can. 
    That was the end of that one. So go figure.

    January 12

  • DaydreambelieverTrumpDisbeliever
    DaydreambelieverTrumpDisbeliever Lago
    I cannot disagree with you Lago, yes, of course, the school has a responsibility and duty to provide a safe environment for children to learn in..  and no, it never even crossed my mind to blame the bully and even less, the mother of the bully. I firmly believe that the school has a duty and should be capable of instilling a no tolerance ethos when it comes to bullying.. 

    However, the reality here on the ground is that they don't and for my daughter she has been subjected to bullying for the last 4 years there.  It is my belief that there is SO much bullying that they feel they cannot control it..  that's no excuse, just a reflection of how it is..  And of course kids who are most vulnerable, those with learning difficulties and disabilities are always going to be prime targets..

    The only good thing is that if daughter can just hang on in there a little longer, pass her exams and then go to college I KNOW that the college will not only support her well, but will ensure a zero tolerance of bullying.  

    January 12

  • Lago
    Lago DaydreambelieverTrumpDisbeliever
    Sorry, Day, and please forgive my intrusion, but I would never tell my daughter to just tolerate it for a little longer. That's giving the school a free pass, and teaching  her that her experience doesn't count, that all her suffering meant nothing and her tortures got Away with it. 


    January 12

  • DaydreambelieverTrumpDisbeliever
    DaydreambelieverTrumpDisbeliever Lago
    Hi Lago, no problem.. you are welcome to comment as you see fit.. this is an open forum in that respect and if I didn't want anyone to be able to comment I wouldnt have posted anything.. 

    However, technicalities are vital... I didn't suggest I said she should tolerate it.. i never said that.. and wouldnt... i DID say she should hang on in there a bit longer.. just a few months..she has to stay there.. this is because in a few months she will take her GCSE exams.. kinda the equiv of your graduation? She needs to pass these in order to go to college.. at this very late stage she cannot go to another school...  and her future is more important than the bullies.. Having endured day in day out bullying for 4 years - it would be suicide to ruin her future now... 

    I also never said anyone will get away with it.. my daughter, (who as you say rightly is a person deserving of respect re her experiences) tells me she WILL NOT retaliate physically.. now that's her choice.. personally I'd smack them in the mouth.. but I am an adult and she isn't so as i say not everyone who has suffered persisitent bullying feels confident in that way... 

    Soooo we went the official route.. I complained to the school as I ALWAYS do... and I said that if I ever see any picture of my daughter posted I would prosecute the school.. this would NOT be good for their reputation.. and I guess that made them act.. they have excluded the girl.. (a real punishment as I said exams are looming so every lesson counts) and they have taken the phones away of the rest of the group who were there laughing...   

    There's a long history, 4 years now of kids being excluded, sent to other school, detentions etc.. its just that the scale of bullyin in that school is such that it seems almost impossible to stop it entirely

    SO i never said I tolerate anything and one of the reasons daughter gets bullies is cos she WILL retaliate.. she tells them off.. they don't like it.. so they bully. but you've seen my posts lol I am no pushoever and I can promise you daughter isn't.. she stands up for her rights.. she just chooses not to retaliate with physical violence... and in that its my place to respect her decisions on that... 

    January 12