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Discussion » Questions » Life and Society » Is there anything i can do about loud neighbors in the halls?

Is there anything i can do about loud neighbors in the halls?



     I live in an apartment building and my neighbors especially one of them likes to go in and out of her apt constantly talking loud, loud enough that it sounds like screaming when shes not really screaming, just talking loud, a lot of times i have important stuff im trying to do, i can never study or do homework at home cause of her, like today, even though its sunday shes home all the time now, not sure why but she'll come in and out of her apt constantly talking to anything that moves, i have important stuff to do at times like go on indeed.com and send out resumes and cant focus with someone doing that, and dont say wear earplugs, its so loud i can hear it anyways, i feel like i have no privacy even though i should have it, any suggestions? im afraid to mention it cause im afraid it'll get worse if people know it bothers me, i cant enjoy time at home cause of the constant noise, and no i cant keep going out, i have a bad knee plus im out of work so i cant just spend money going out all the time and i shouldnt have to anyways, anyone else going thru that and how do you stop it, i cant move right now since its hud and it would get more expensive to move since im out of work unless i move into another hud situation.

Responses


  • 2335
    Most people mean well. They do not deliberately want to be obnoxious or irritating.
    Sometimes people who are very loud are partially deaf and don't know how their voices impact on others (because others are too polite.)
    Some people are highly impulsive and have difficulty controlling their self-expression - and don't realise how it might impact on others - but they mean well.

    If we make emotion-backed demands (any demand which we get upset about when refused), people either comply and become resentful, possibly passive-aggressive, or they rebel, take offense and resist or fight b

    Although she might be upset if you speak to her, there is no way to be certain of that, and there are ways of safely coping with people if they do have a negative reaction.
    If you don't speak, it could continue indefinitely. And there might be a chance that one day you might lose your temper and say it all in a way that doesn't work.

    The NVC way... - Start by having a conversation. It creates a connection. Most people need to feel heard before they are able to listen. Ask her how she is. If she seems open, try finding out what all the comings and goings are about. Who is she talking to? Are they far away? If she has any particularly strong things going on in her life, ask her about her feelings. Really listen. Then reflect back in a neutral way - something like - Wow! You're really excited about all this! or " I see. You feel it's important to be sociable with the neighbours." If you get it right she will agree and probably show appreciation. If not she'll correct you and then you reflect back your understanding until she says, yes, that's it exactly, or similar. At this point you have established rapport.
    Now you can say, very calmly, "When I hear your voice out here in the hall, it is too loud and I can't concentrate on my studies even if I use earplugs or earphones. I wonder if you be willing to lower your voice to a whisper when in the hall?"
    Be prepared to accept whatever answer she gives you. Your ability to genuinely accept a possible no shows that your request is not a demand. In order to not get upset, you will need a plan B. that could be something like installing a sound absorber - like pinning an old quilt across the doorway.

    If she forgets you could try putting up a sign, "Thank you for being quiet while in the hallways"




    This post was edited by Zenobia at December 4, 2016 11:25 PM MST
      December 4, 2016 5:36 PM MST
    1

  • 1513
    Why don't you just talk to her and tell her how loud it is in your apartment when she talks in the hall and ask her not to do it?
      December 4, 2016 8:11 PM MST
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  • 4266
    im afraid she'll do it on purpose if i talk to her
      December 4, 2016 8:54 PM MST
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  • 1513
    Well, she's doing it anyway, so what do you have to lose?
      December 4, 2016 9:26 PM MST
    2

  • 492
    Place a bucket of stinky fish in the hall. That should keep her in her apartment. 
      December 4, 2016 8:29 PM MST
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  • 4266
    thats actually a good idea except i could get in trouble if they find out its me
      December 4, 2016 8:55 PM MST
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  • 1538
    Get in the habit of wearing headphones to block out the world around you while tuning into worlds unseen. Also great for ignoring those wishing not to be. This post was edited by O-uknow at December 4, 2016 9:46 PM MST
      December 4, 2016 9:45 PM MST
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  • 4011
    There is a concept in housing law called "quiet enjoyment." Tenants who violate the quiet enjoyment of others who share a building can be cited.

    I suggest the following process:

    1) Talk to the neighbor to see if she'll voluntarily quiet down

    2) Talk to the building management if the neighbor persists in being unreasonably noisy

    3) Call your local government and see what your legal options are for addressing the issue.

    Good luck.
      December 4, 2016 9:52 PM MST
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  • 971
    The reality of living in an apartment is that sometimes what you want or need conflicts with what your neighbors want or need. Your neighbor wants to be able to speak in a normal (for her) tone of voice in the hallway and you want absolute silence in order to concentrate. You need to understand her rights and not demand that she totally change her habits because you don't like it. Continuing to resent her just prevents you from tuning out the hallway noises. I think it would be reasonable to speak to her if her noise continues late at night or too early in the morning. Since you are not working, you can adjust the time of day that you need quiet. Do your studies or sending out resumes during the times she is asleep or out. This is not just her problem. I have lived in my condo for many years and I understand the need to compromise in order to allow my neighbors to enjoy living in their home.
      December 5, 2016 6:06 AM MST
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