VERY funny, lady! I suppose it's just a coincidence that you ask me to house-sit on the same day you call the anonymous tip into the police to say your place is being burglarized by some strange black man! Well, I'm not laughing, and I want you to call them back and tell them that you know me! Grrrrrrrr!
I was hired by the people at the National Inquirer to find evidence that you were born male and had gender-reassignment surgery performed on you by Simian-like space zombies two decades ago in your native country of Borneo. The safe is the key to me being paid the remainder of the $4,500 they owe.
You obviously have crossed dimensions and are now stuck in an alternate parallel. The keyhole portal must be corrected and you returned before space-time folds over and implodes on itself resulting in the destruction of both dimensional parallels by collapsing into a one dimensional singularity. This is serious yo.
Astrology, clairvoyancy, etc., have been around as practices for millenniums. Jehovah God commanded the young nation of Israel to avoid intimate contact with surrounding nations that had certain customs and practices. "When you have entered into the land that Jehovah your God is giving you, you must not learn to imitate the detestable practices of those nations. There should not be found in you anyone who makes his son or daughter pass through the fire, anyone who employs divination, anyone practicing magic, anyone who looks for omens, a sorcer, anyone binding others with a spell, a spirit medium or a fortune teller, or anyone who inquires of the dead. For whoever does these things is detestable to Jehovah, and on account of these detestable practices Jehovah your God is driving them away from before you." (Deuteronomy 18:9-12)
This post was edited by Autumnleaves at April 19, 2017 12:14 AM MDT