VERY funny, lady! I suppose it's just a coincidence that you ask me to house-sit on the same day you call the anonymous tip into the police to say your place is being burglarized by some strange black man! Well, I'm not laughing, and I want you to call them back and tell them that you know me! Grrrrrrrr!
I was hired by the people at the National Inquirer to find evidence that you were born male and had gender-reassignment surgery performed on you by Simian-like space zombies two decades ago in your native country of Borneo. The safe is the key to me being paid the remainder of the $4,500 they owe.
You obviously have crossed dimensions and are now stuck in an alternate parallel. The keyhole portal must be corrected and you returned before space-time folds over and implodes on itself resulting in the destruction of both dimensional parallels by collapsing into a one dimensional singularity. This is serious yo.