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Discussion » Questions » Family » Has your biological parent ever married anyone whom YOU did not consider to be your stepparent?
Randy D

Has your biological parent ever married anyone whom YOU did not consider to be your stepparent?



For instance, you disapproved of the marriage, or you and the new spouse did not get along with each other, or you were no longer a minor when the marriage took place, etc. 

~

Posted - February 27, 2017
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Responses


  • No, I'm happy to say that my parents stayed together all their lives. However, I was a step-Dad and raised my ex wife's kids like they were my own. They talk to me now more than they do their own Mother. Upsets her sometimes when she tells me about it but that's something she has to work out with them.
      February 27, 2017 7:34 AM MST
    6

  • 3375
    That is wonderful Rooster.  I think step children deserve that.  I have three steps myself, all adults.  I truly love them like my own and while it's been a slow process, I am starting to feel some genuine affection coming back.  I know my husband is very much a dad to my kids as well.  I could have never remarried without knowing these kids would be loved by us both.
      February 27, 2017 10:21 AM MST
    3

  • 17261
    Not disapproving marriage, just not looking at them as my mother. Period. The husband of my mother is sort of like a second dad to me. Hmm. 
      February 27, 2017 7:35 AM MST
    5

  • Hi Randy D,

    This is kinda off topic, but I find it quite moving when people manage somehow to salvage a feeling of family or even friendship/affection out of such changes in life...especially if the child is young, he/she has no understanding of the genetics, we all just need someone to love us.

    * * *
    The most lovely thing I ever saw...my friend's wife took off on a weekend fling...he not only took her back, but nine months later...a beautiful little boy, whom he raised as his own.
      February 27, 2017 7:58 AM MST
    6

  • 17261
    This will be easier when very young. In your teens it's really a tough game. I can tell. Meh.
      February 27, 2017 8:12 AM MST
    4

  • Oh, yes...teen years never being all that easy anyway, really tough to add something like this into the mix...
      February 27, 2017 8:18 AM MST
    4

  • 17261
    Yes. :-/
      February 27, 2017 8:23 AM MST
    4

  • 22891
    my father was married before he married my mother but i never met her
      February 27, 2017 8:54 AM MST
    0

  • 1713
    No, I considered my stepfather a stepfather even before they married. He and my mother have been together 10 years before they finally got married and he's been living with us the whole time. He's pretty awesome and atleast he's not creepy and weird like my biological father. I still love my real father even if he is strange.
      February 27, 2017 9:07 AM MST
    3

  • 3907
    Hello Randy:

    I don't like the word "step".  It somehow demeans the relationship, like they're not your REAL brother or REAL parent..  If they WEREN'T "step" parents, you wouldn't even ask the question... 

    I HAVE son's, and although I may not be their biological father, I am ABSOLUTELY their father...

    Look..  I know that's probably weird..  But, I'm ok with it.

    excon This post was edited by excon at February 27, 2017 9:39 AM MST
      February 27, 2017 9:16 AM MST
    2

  • 44231
    I was too young to care. We just called him Bob. I didn't find out for years later that he molested two of my sisters. THAT I did not approve of.
      February 27, 2017 9:42 AM MST
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  • 17261
    Ugh. That's terrible. Meh. :-/
      February 27, 2017 9:46 AM MST
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  • 6126
    I think that is probably the biggest issue blended families have to deal with.  I had a friend whose daughter was molested by her fiance.  It is a horrendous situation all around.  I am sorry your sisters had to go through that.
      February 27, 2017 9:58 AM MST
    3

  • 44231
    One of the disappeared 35 years ago and I haven't seen her since. She is living a quiet life in HI and doesn't want any contact with us. The other became a druggy burn-out but got over it, got married and settled down.
      February 27, 2017 2:13 PM MST
    2

  • 6126
    Unfortunately, these are life altering events and usually not for the better.  I'm sorry your sister in HI has chosen not to have any contact with you or your siblings.  I am glad your other sister was able to turn her life around.  My friend's daughter is not doing well.  I can only hope as she ages, she will be able to take control of her life. 
      February 27, 2017 3:41 PM MST
    2

  • 3375
    Just awful.    I am sorry.  That sort of thing affects people for life.
      February 27, 2017 10:14 AM MST
    2

  • 52953
    Element, please tell us that he went to prison for what he did. 

    :|
      February 28, 2017 5:36 AM MST
    0

  • 6126
    Yes, early on in the relationship and marriage.  It's a long and complicated story but I'll try to be brief.  Their relationship eventually broke up each of their marriages.  I was 19 when they married each other.  My relationship with both was not very good at the time.  As we all aged, time healed the wounds for me.  Unfortunately, never with my siblings or mother.  My father has been gone for many years now but my stepmother is still alive.  I am the only one of her stepchildren that still has a relationship with her.  We have actually grown close over the years. 
      February 27, 2017 9:43 AM MST
    5

  • Why are you the only one? 
    And.why do you?
      February 27, 2017 12:30 PM MST
    1

  • 6126
    They don't like her, never have.  I think it has more to do with their inability to move past the hurt and rocky start.  Some people as they age just don't know how to move past old issues.  I have a great relationship with her for a lot of reasons that are too long and complicated to get into here.  But, the primary reason is because I recognized she was a good match for my father, I let go of my childhood anger and, I don't expect anything from her except her friendship.  
      February 27, 2017 12:39 PM MST
    1

  • I hear that argent quite often. The.one.about forgetting and forgiving. As if age alone should be.enough reason  for atonement. As if just because somebody got old we should be the.better person and forgive.
    I never.understood that.
    Do offenses and abuse consequences diminish with time, making them.less.offensive. 
    Why is the virtue on the one giving up and forgiving, and.not on the one who stays firm on the.hate and anger?
      February 27, 2017 1:14 PM MST
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  • 6126
    I think you are misunderstanding why people say what they do.  It's not an argument.  First, forgiving and forgetting is always dependent upon the situation.  If I, or someone I cared about was abused, either physically or emotionally, you bet your butt I wouldn't be forgiving or forgetting, no matter how old I get.  However, some people find, even in those situations, they do need to forgive & forget, so they are finally able to move forward with their lives. They feel if they don't forgive and forget, it allows the abuser to maintain control over them.  

    Second, don't assume we are saying age alone is the reason we can move past a previous hurt.  This really has to do with each of our lives, all the experiences we have gained over time and, what we learn from those experiences.  The realization for some of us that slights, or what appears to be a big issue when you are a child or teen, is actually imagined or inconsequential in the scheme of things.  As we move through life and experience hardships & losses, we have a tendency to take inventory of what is really important in our lives.  For most of us, it's not the material things but the people we share our lives with.  As we grow older, more and more relatives & friends die.  We have fewer and fewer people we love and who love us, interacting with us.   I think for those who stay firm with their hate and anger, they are people who haven't experienced great loss, hardship or, are so entrenched in their anger and perceived slights, they aren't noticing the lessons that life has thrown their way or, they simply are people who aren't capable of self-reflection and correction.   
      February 27, 2017 4:20 PM MST
    0

  • No no no...
    I didn't explain myself right on that one.
    When I mentioned older people, I meant that just because someone gets old, that doesn't give him any special considerations in the forgiving department.
    I meant that because the person who has done whatever reprehensible acts, has aged, we are supposed to be better people and give them that forgiveness. As if age alone is good enough reason for being forgiven. Yeah?

    Forgiving is an action, something that we give another so they can move on. Forgiveness is not for me, it is for them. It's a concession im giving them. Is something that I keep until I deem ok to give it to you.
     
    One of the products of me forgiving is that i let go of my anger as he expresses remorse. Hence the.feeling of release. 

    Forgive and forget is more like saying im just going to stop being pissed off and let it go because it is consuming my life. But that's far from forgiving. Do you think im wrong?
      February 27, 2017 11:35 PM MST
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  • 6126
    I have to say Lago, sometimes I don't understand what you are driving at.  I know there is something specific you are thinking of that is propelling you to ask the questions you do but, when your explanation is in generalities, I have trouble grasping it.  Sorry.  If you want to move this into a discussion group so you can be more specific, I would be happy to meet you there.  If not, all I can say is, in my specific situation with my stepmother, for me there was nothing to forgive.  She didn't do anything to purposefully hurt anyone.  The hurt and anger was merely the byproduct of two marriages that had been failing for years.  It had nothing to do with the children.  Our father never stopped being our father.  

      February 28, 2017 4:26 AM MST
    0