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Baybreeze

When a friend keeps saying 'Let's Get Together'?

I have a good friend that I've known for 20 years now, and we have done many things together. We've always stayed in touch, and I even used to watch her child after school a few years back. She can be somewhat moody at times, but I've always overlooked that and we've shared laughs and similar interests. I see her on FB a lot, (although I rarely post myself) and she's always inviting someone out with her either from her new job, or another friend she's also known for years. She has not personally asked me to hang out/get together in about a year now.. last year I was the only one asking/inviting. By late last fall I noticed it, and kind of backed off. She has said these last couple months of the new year, 'Let's hang out and see each other'.. but still no text/FB / call etc. I don't know what to do, should I completely back off, as it seems for a year I'm the only one who has shown interest in staying friends... ON the other hand I know she has said twice recently, 'lets do lunch' and I just still kind of wait to hear anything. It bums me out, because I'm not sure if I'm just so off her radar, or if she is avoiding me b/c she had said she was embarrassed last year to tell me she stays in touch with a guy who keeps putting her off. Any ideas or thoughts welcome, thx...

Posted - March 22, 2017
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Responses


  • Ya know, my ex roommate is like that. After I moved, I still tried to stay in touch...she would say we need to have lunch, or dinner or whatever....then when I'd ask her to go, it was always something. Some excuse not to go. I finally got tired of it and quit asking. She called me the other night and said we need to have dinner....I said sure, just let me know when....she never will. I just quit letting it bother me. People can be turds.
      March 22, 2017 2:26 PM MDT
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  • 1138
    I know right? She has definitely flaked on me, saying to have dinner and then didn't even show up and said I am 'tired'.. That was disappointing. I'm sorry your friend would make excuses... why keep saying let's have lunch and then keep saying no? Who knows. I have asked her last year to hang out and she did, but I kind of stopped b/c I'm the only one asking :/ Ty so much Angela..
      March 22, 2017 4:34 PM MDT
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  • You're welcome!
      March 22, 2017 5:03 PM MDT
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  • Please correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't she stop asking because you never went?... I might be won't but that's what i thought happened ...
      March 22, 2017 3:06 PM MDT
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  • 1138
    Oh no, hehe. I have only asked HER out to hang out last year, in which she did, but she never intitiates with ME. So I have kind of stopped... I'm the only one who seems to want to make any plan or invite her to either dinner or a movie etc. When you never hear from the other person first, it kind of bums you out, you know what I mean? So i've backed off, and she's said for two months now, 'let's get lunch' etc, but never contacts me ... so I just keep saying, 'yeah we should'... :/
      March 22, 2017 4:35 PM MDT
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  • Sorry .. i misread. :)
    I often go out alone... Not to eat but museums galleriess cinema ... I find it's often easier to meet new people when you're busy yourself doing the things you enjoy doing
      March 22, 2017 4:40 PM MDT
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  • 19942
    So, when she says let's get lunch, why don't you ask her what date she had in mind.  If she says she'll call you and let you know and she doesn't, write her off.  Put her on the spot to make a firm commitment.
      March 22, 2017 7:36 PM MDT
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  • 6477
    Some people are just flaky.. I know you lack confidence, but maybe you could be proactive; next time she invites, YOU follow up and say yea love to, how about Monday? 
      March 22, 2017 4:26 PM MDT
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  • 1138
    WEll she is not really inviting me, shes saying hypothetically, we 'should' get together. But I'm never really on her list to contact somehow, month after month (and we only live 30 mins away from one another). It's bummed me out for all of last year to be the one only contacting her, you know? And I see on facebook she is contacting others, and saying 'We're doing this this week' etc. Yet still says, 'we should get together' but never initiates, for months. :/ I guess I'm just backing off for now, and perhaps will contact her once more soon... ty Daydream!
      March 22, 2017 4:38 PM MDT
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  • 6477
    That's ok.. I did get that but my point was, why not call her bluff, then you will know - if you say yea, would love to how about Monday... but I get why you might prefer just to back off - I am like that hate injustice but some people/things aren't worth the effort
      March 22, 2017 4:48 PM MDT
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  • 1138
    I see, right- kind of see if she actually means it. I didn't think of it that way, then if she cancels or can't find any day we could get lunch/hang out etc, then I'll know she was only saying it- hopefully it won't be the case. I just feel sad, b/c we'd both take turns actively investing in our friendship, suggesting either dinner, or tennis or whatever.. and for a year, it was just me :(  I don't know if it is b/c she has a few new friends or what, but I still felt kind of like I'm not 'really' a friend if you don't ever actively contact me in a year, you know? Thx Daydream, I appreciate this ...
      March 22, 2017 4:51 PM MDT
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  • It's sad but sometimes friends drift apart, not for any particular reason it just happens.  I'd guess that when she says lets get together at that moment she really means it but then gets tied up and it's put on the back burner.  I'd try one more time and ask if she's free for lunch/dinner next Tuesday and see what she says, tell her that you've missed getting together with her.  If she brushes this off then I'd move on and demote her to the Christmas card list and nothing more.

    A friend sent me an email that said people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime and I've found that to be true.
      March 22, 2017 11:37 PM MDT
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