Active Now

Adaydreambeliever
my2cents
Reverend Muhammadovsky
Nanoose
Zack
Danilo_G
Discussion » Questions » Relationships » AnswerMug Challenge Series, Which Came First, The Chicken or the Egg Edition:

AnswerMug Challenge Series, Which Came First, The Chicken or the Egg Edition:

 

  My wife seems to think that when I’m watching television or listening to the radio that I keep the volume much too high, which causes her to have to raise her voice in order to be heard over the program. I contend that when she knows I’m trying to hear a program and she starts talking over the dialogue, that’s what causes me to raise the volume. If I were not trying to hear a program, it would be quite a different thing, and we do talk with each other on those occasions.
She often seems to have no inkling whatsoever that the precise reason the program is on is that I am following what’s being said.
When the situation is reversed and she is the one watching a show, her way of listening and following dialogue differs so greatly than mine in that she doesn’t focus on nor care about each word that’s being said.

It sometimes boils down to, “Why is the volume so loud?”
“Because I’m trying to hear it.”
”But I’m talking to you.”
”I know that. You started talking to me while I’m trying to listen to this, which is why I turned up the volume.”
”Oh, you’re trying to drown me out?”
”No, I think you’re trying to drown out the program.”
”Why can’t you turn it down?”
”Because when I had the volume lower, you started talking to me and I couldn’t hear it.”
”So that program is more important to you than I am?”
”That’s not what I said. Listen, you’re interrupting the program.”
”Grrrrrrrrrr.”
”Grrrrrrrrrr.”

After knowing each other almost thirty years, this is one aspect of our relationship that has never changed very much. The conversation above could practically be replayed at any point during our time together, and the script would be the same.


  So which comes first, the raised voice because the volume is too loud, or turning up the volume because the raised voice drowns out the program?

Mind you, I’m not seeking solutions to the problem here, just opinions on which action comes first.

~

Posted - November 20

Responses


  • 13751
    The raised voice.

    Surprise her next time she talks while you are listening to something by turning the volume down.  That gives her confidence of her worth and as well will take less time away from that to which you are listening.  Maybe. 
      November 21, 2020 6:09 AM MST
    3

  • 38628

     

      You’ve read my mind. Sometimes I hit the mute button but keep staring at the screen. She gets the message. It doesn’t work when it’s the radio, however. When I silence the radio, she thinks it means I’d rather listen to her. Grrrrrrr.
    ~

      November 21, 2020 7:42 AM MST
    2

  • 11221
    What Thrifty said, but a lot depends on what she wants to talk about. If she just wants to kvetch, whine or vent, turn the volume back up again. If it is actually something important, mute it and give her your attention, at least briefly.
      November 21, 2020 8:22 AM MST
    2

  • 38628

     

      She’s usually yammering at me about something that one of her friends said or did, and more often than not, it starts like this: “X asked me not to tell anyone, so don’t say a word, but she said that last week, . . . ”

      November 21, 2020 8:27 AM MST
    1

  • 5261
    Question: Is "yammering" a word you became familiar with while serving in the USMC? 
      November 21, 2020 9:21 AM MST
    2

  • 38628

     

      Lol, I’m not sure how long it’s been in my personal lexicon, but I believe it may predate my Marine Corps years. You’ve hit on a good possibility, though, because I can sure enough see myself having used it when I was a Drill Instructor!

    ~

      November 21, 2020 9:41 AM MST
    2

  • 23725
    Get a DVR. When she starts to talk. Hit pause, listen to her. After she is done talking, push play. 

    The fight would be on if I said something and my husband simply turned the TV up.  And vice versa. This post was edited by my2cents at November 21, 2020 4:19 PM MST
      November 21, 2020 8:38 AM MST
    3

  • 38628

     

      Thank you for your suggestion of the DVR. I won’t be taking that route, however. After more than two decades, this has become our paradigm here, I doubt either of us will ever change. As far as it becoming a fight, naw, not that either, not for us.  She just seems to have a knack for chiming in right when the setup of a joke or the punchline is being told, or during a football game right when it’s fourth and three on the fiftieth fifty yard line with three minutes and eight seconds left on the clock, or while the Law and Order marathon is on, and starts bleating about some recipe or new pair of shoes or her nail clippers are missing or the weather girl has gained weight or which friend she ran into at the fabric store or . . . 

    ~

    This post was edited by Randy D at November 21, 2020 8:27 PM MST
      November 21, 2020 12:36 PM MST
    2

  • 23725
    Whatever works for you. :)
      November 21, 2020 12:41 PM MST
    1

  • 33771
    fifty yard line.
      November 21, 2020 4:20 PM MST
    2

  • 38628

     

      Thank you, edited it.
    ~

      November 21, 2020 8:28 PM MST
    0

  • 7343
    My wife and I had a similar problem in the past.

    Most of the shows on the TV dispense "information" in short and complete (if not detailed) declarative sentences---and they can be paused and quickly rewound if necessary.

    Other shows are known to proffer detailed syllogistic arguments that require prolonged attention to fully understand in order for one to evaluate the reasonable of the assertions made.

    My wife and I have agreed that we can talk to each other (except within the first 30 minutes after I sleep---the amount of time I require to get my mind up and running) pretty much any time, but that she has to get my attention first if I am watching a program---that way, I can pause the tv and focus all my attention on her after either pausing or recording what I am watching.

    While a strip tease is always guaranteed to get my attention, simply saying "Question" is sufficient for me to pause the program or press record.

    And of course, I accord her the same courtesy when she is watching a program.
      November 21, 2020 1:13 PM MST
    2

  • 38628

     

      Thank you, that’s a great strategy.  With my wife, however, such an agreement would only last as long as the conversation in which it’s discussed.

      Also, in our household, not every medium allows for pausing or rewinding. 


      Mind you, I’m not seeking solutions to the problem here, just opinions on which action comes first.

    ~

      November 21, 2020 8:32 PM MST
    1

  • 7343
    I just thought it possibly useful to share (with all) a (partial) solution that my wife and I have found.

    It's worked well, but only because neither of us listens to the radio---and that would require considerably more effort to design a system that works like a DVR.

    Although I understand that one can now at least essentially rewind a radio, but I have not paid any attention to the details---(I heard about it on my car radio---the only radio I use.)
      November 22, 2020 12:57 PM MST
    1

  • 38628

     

     Thank you.

    :)

      November 22, 2020 12:59 PM MST
    1

  • 33771
    The chicken.
      November 21, 2020 4:21 PM MST
    0