That sounds good if it works out that way. Can I ask you something? hypothetically speaking if your long term committed relationship ended would you want to get right back into another long term committed relationship or would you want to go back to having short relationships or "Playing" as you put it with out any commitments?
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at November 30, 2017 12:28 PM MST
When you are older/wiser and more experienced and have ended a long tern relationship/marriage, once you have given yourself time to heal/reflect- if needed, it depends on what you want. Are you looking to get into a serious long term relationship with someone or just have fun for awhile? I would want to be in a long term relationship, as I get older, I want to find someone to grow old with, a person that starts out as my best friend that I have a strong connection with and our relationship grows into a strong love for each other.
This post was edited by ally at November 30, 2017 12:29 PM MST
My husband and I have been together for six and a half years and that is my longest ever. A couple two years but most were a year or less. When I could feel them starting to lose interest in me or resenting me I would call them on it which usually meant we , or one of us, ended it. OK I think its a matter of security. If you are having a great time with someone you want it to continue so you stay together. If you're not then you are staying together for another reason which may cause resentment.
Thank you for your thoughtful response. Relationships sure can be tough and resentment over arguments, responsibilities, money, sex etc. can be real issues in marriages. Communication is sooo important, I've learned. At least I really hope to have better communication in my future relationships. Communication, respect, compromise and love are my hopes I guess? Thanks.
You are welcome. Sorry to "nitpick" but by "communication" just what do you understand? I know I read and hear a lot of people say that. Just seems to me some things we can safely communicate, some things we had better not based on what we know and our experience with someone. For me relationships are not about struggle but about enjoyment. If we don't enjoy each other's company then what is the practical basis for one?
I guess by "Communication" I mean resolving issues. My ex and I could not talk things out. I would bottle every little thing up inside and start to resent her for lying or debt that we had or for making plans for us without even asking me what I want to do then one day we would be arguing over who cleans the house more and all these other resentments that I had towards her would come out in the argument. Then she would get mad and stop talking to me for days and nothing would ever get resolved. We just grew more and more resentful towards each other.
Now I hope to be in a relationship with someone more compatible so we are not so very different on every issue and I hope to have better communication as in feeling comfortable that I can talk to her about everyday issues without her getting angry and silent and leaving and not talking to me for days. I want someone that I can talk to and compromise with and find solutions to our issues BEFORE they turn into resentment.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at December 1, 2017 8:06 AM MST
And by compatible I guess you mean have enough of the same understandings or seeing eye to eye on a good number of things, or even I suppose having respect for the same processes. Because I think there have to be enough things or reasons for staying together so that we are willing to overlook or let go what we see as the negative qualities of our partner. Then we can let the things we dislike go because we have the good to look forward to. Because not everything can be "resolved" to everyone's satisfaction and sometimes its just a matter of agreeing to disagree. And there has to be enough room given that both partners can be themselves and express themselves just on their own - not everything has to be together or a joint decision. My husband is my best friend and he gives me a lot of freedom and I try to make an effort to do things that he expects or wants of me which he appreciates. But some things we each had notions that we were going to enjoy together just never worked out because of the differences so we had to let them go.
Goodness look at me giving marital advice - and I never married until I was 53! My husband was married previously for over 20 years. Of course we were older and more set in our ways and perhaps had learned to expect less of marriage so we were both pleasantly surprised at how well we actually did get on without working at it.
This post was edited by officegirl at December 1, 2017 9:31 AM MST
I think that I know what you mean. I can put up with a lot if a woman is just sweet to me.
Being in debt Messy house Having to do most of the child care Working Paying bills Grocery shopping Home repairs Cooking Inconvenient plans and trips In-laws etc.
But once she started lying and cheating and stopped being sweet I wasn't going to take care of her anymore.
I guess ideally I want to have compatability and communication to make life easier, but I could get by with a woman who's just honest and sweet.
Thanks for your input. : )
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at December 1, 2017 9:46 AM MST
I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. It must be hard to lose someone that you were close with for ten years. I hope that you can find love and happiness again. Thank you for your answer.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at December 6, 2017 11:42 PM MST
When you have a man like I had nothing else compares. He died 12 years ago and haven't seen anything that comes close. But I have wonderful family and friends, and my little Lulu, so I am happy with that.
I can only say what I think is better for myself; as for others, it's really not up to me to say.
Although I'm still in my twenties, I've never had a romantic relationship of any kind. My hormones could almost get the better of me as a teen, but I always backed off eventually, and hopefully respectfully enough. Since then I figured I'm just really not a guy to fool around, or even go about meeting people; I don't like approaching a woman out of nowhere (because it feels like an imposition), or judging her by appearance, and to boot I'm pretty demanding of others' behavior (though more so of my own).
If I can share all my romance with a single woman that would be swell, if not then I'm sure I'll still live and die happily. Those are practically the only options.
Thank you for your input. I feel for you not having been in a romantic relationship of any kind as you put it. I think we all go through phases when we don't feel comfortable approaching women etc. I know I have and I've even asked questions about it on the mug in the past. After my separation it was like starting all over again and learning to be comfortable opening up to women other than my ex wife. My point is that you're young, you still have time and there's some great free dating sites out there and a lot of different ways to meet people these days that aren't as scary as walking up to a woman in public and asking them on a date. If I could tell you anything I'd say just take care of yourself, stay healthy and interact with people and try to be nice to everyone. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to meet someone. It's usually when I stop looking that someone special finds me. Good luck my friend. Also like you said if you don't find that person there are still many ways to be happy in life and I hope you are always happy. Thanks. : )
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at December 1, 2017 4:50 AM MST
ally 