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Discussion » Questions » Family » Why are women and men pressured into marrying and having kids?
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Why are women and men pressured into marrying and having kids?

Why would parents pressure their kids into that?

When just few years back they are against s*x, boys, relationships and sh*t?

Posted - September 16, 2018

Responses


  • 14795
    My parents never pressured me into marrying ,it would be a bit two faced considering they never did it.... :)
      September 16, 2018 8:55 PM MDT
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  • 4631
    Not all families apply such pressure.
    My parents were the opposite - against marriage and kids.

    Reasons vary all over the world.

    In Genesis, the OT says that when God chucked Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden, he gave them death, and compelled them to go forth and multiply, with childbirth as a painful event. This is the root of the Semitic commandment in Judaism, Christianity and Islam, that the faithful must propagate.
    In Biblical times, the larger the tribe was, the more warriors it had for defense against others encroaching on pastoral and agrarian territories, and the more women to care for the kids, sick, wounded and aged. So having lots of kids meant a better chance for the tribe to survive and thrive.

    In the poorest and least educated countries, people get hitched and have kids because they see their children as economic units to help with farm work - the more kids, the greater the chances that enough will survive long enough to provide security and assistance in their old age.

    Less common, for some, breeding is a way of ensuring that a rare or minority group continues to exist; many aristocrats, royals, Parsees, and indigenous groups feel this way.

    As soon as a country achieves universal education and medicine, (especially among women when they feel assured that their children will survive), and the birth rate drops to 2 children per family within 20 years.

    In Western families, especially the more affluent ones, the birthrate often drops to less than replacement rate, and fewer people marry or have kids at all, yet the population continues to rise for a time due to increased longevity. We're hitting the point now where 20% of the population is over 70 and expecting to live another 20-30 years is not unreasonable if healthy.

    In the meantime, the world is overpopulated - deserts are expanding every year in the Middle East and Africa. The ice of the Himalayas is melting so fast that one day soon the Ganges and its tributaries will run dry and the irrigation for India's crops will fail. The ice of the North and South Poles is melting - sea levels are rising - Pacific Islanders are losing their homes as their islands are inundated -- and all these people will need new places to live and grow food. This post was edited by inky at September 17, 2018 7:16 AM MDT
      September 16, 2018 9:39 PM MDT
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  • 1713
    I've never been pressured by my parents, probably because I've always been a weird loner so they knew it was futile. My father didn't want to have to pay for my wedding anyway so he's happy, he's always been a cheapskate. Besides, my brother already married and had a cute little baby. This post was edited by Patchouli at September 17, 2018 2:16 AM MDT
      September 17, 2018 2:14 AM MDT
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  • 16240
    I married at 20. Far too young and my mother was devastated, I think more due to the fact that I'd gotten my fiancée pregnant out of wedlock.
      September 17, 2018 2:41 AM MDT
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  • 6023
    "All my friends have grandkids, when are you going to give me one?"  LOL

    "You have to have children, to carry on our family name."  (In most societies, this implies the child has to be male)

    Marriage and family is seen as part of being a responsible adult.
      September 17, 2018 7:51 AM MDT
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  • 682
    "Marriage and family is seen as part of being a responsible adult. "

    That to me is something baffling.
      September 20, 2018 1:20 PM MDT
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  • 7919
    It's happening less and less these days. The latest generations aren't getting married until much later in life. They're living at home longer too. I don't personally push that on my son or his girlfriend. I've been quite adamant with them about the continued use of birth control and waiting until they finish college to get married, and I think that's largely the norm now, simply because today's parents grew up in single-parent households and often are single parents too. We get the strain and stress that causes and want better for or children, so we're nudging them away and pushing them to focus more on themselves. When you look at millennial statistics about marriage and parenting, that's reflected in it. 

    The average age for fatherhood is now 30, up from 27: https://www.marketwatch.com/story/this-is-the-average-age-of-a-new-father-in-america-2017-08-30 

    The average age to wed is now 27- it's been climbing since the 60s when it stood at age 20: https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19567270/average-age-of-marriage/ 
      September 17, 2018 10:47 AM MDT
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  • 520
    No one in my family, at least for the last two generations, have ever been pressured into anything. This post was edited by glenho at September 17, 2018 10:50 AM MDT
      September 17, 2018 10:50 AM MDT
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  • 22891
    cause kids are cute
      September 17, 2018 3:54 PM MDT
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  • 6023
    Unfortunately, that's actually the reasoning of some people.

    It's the "puppies are cute" reasoning some pet owners have.
    But it's much harder to get rid of a child when it stops being cute, than a pet.
      September 20, 2018 2:06 PM MDT
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  • 6098
    I think many people just see that as the normal pattern, process in life.  Perhaps because it was for them.  So they assume it will be for their children.  They want their children to be happy so they try to pass on what they have learned about being happy. Could also be they feel if their kids follow the same paths then it justifies their own existence and choices more.  I really doubt there is actual pressure as such.  I think mostly it is just expectations like "when are you going to give me grandchildren" and "oh I know of a nice young men doing very well for himself that you should meet" and so on.  Their children may feel it as pressure because in general they feel guilty about their relationship with their parents.  My own expected my brothers would become successful , marry attractive women who would do them proud, and have families. All of which in fact they did.  But it was not all as nice and set and clearly defined as my parents would have wished.  I was expected to marry a young man who was going places and support him and have a family and I never had children of my own and did not marry until I was 53, long after both my parents were gone. 

    I think it is good to appreciate and get on with one's family but we can't live our lives just trying to please them or fulfill what we imagine their expectations are for us. 
      September 18, 2018 6:58 AM MDT
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  • 682
    "Could also be they feel if their kids follow the same paths then it justifies their own existence and choices more. "

    I like your well thought out response quite a lot.
      September 20, 2018 1:17 PM MDT
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  • 6098
    Oh thank you  very much.
      September 21, 2018 4:44 AM MDT
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  • 1326
    I never pressured my kids to marry. They married very young and would have been so much better if they had waited. Much less pressured them to have children. Bringing a child into the world is a serious responsibility, it takes an amount of maturity to know how to raise a child, as well as set a good example. (Ephesians 6:4)
      September 20, 2018 11:01 PM MDT
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