Is pretending to agree to get along so terribly wrong? To me personally, yes it is. Do I? no, I don't. Why? Because if you pretend to agree with someone when you actually don't agree with them, you are engaging in a deception. Not a good way to start off a conversation. :)
There are circumstances where it is absolutely necessary to pretend to get along. If you are surrendering your big ego and letting go to allow others to enjoy themselves at a party, that is totally appropriate.
If you are shutting up out of fear and causing evil to continue? That is EGO run riot. Ego ruled by petty fear of not being accepted, fear of standing out against those who are rotten to the core.
This is where we are being tested. This is when we must forsake our desires and make a stand.
Thank you for your reply Sharon. It's hard for me to bite my tongue and not say what I think but that's easier for me to just keep quiet than to actively tell a lie. :) Silence presumes support and agreement.
I will not necessarily agree to get along, but I will say something like, "I don't agree," and let it go at that so as not to have an argument, especially if it's someone I see often. Letting someone go one with their opinion is OK to avoid a family problem, but that person will know that I am not on that side of the argument.
I usually say what I think. HOWEVER I worked one time for a couple who were REPUBLICANS so I did not speak up about my views when the occasion presented itself. I clammed up. The husband had a photo of him and President Ronald Reagan on his office wall that was personally inscribed. I figgered I'd do better if I just stifled it which of course I did. Thank you for your reply L and Happy Sunday! :)
Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Ah yes m'dear I keep forgetting how well you know me! Anyhoo thanks for providing my first jolly good laughs of the day. You know we need to laugh more L. I always feel so much better after the laughter. I'm gonna ask about it! Thank you for your reply! :)
I'm not sure why these things are paired together. It is possible to get along with others without pretending like you agree with them. I don't think people should put on a false front or deceive. I caught your story about an employer with differing political values than yourself; to not say anything political around them is not deceptive. It's not the same thing as going up to the bossman and saying, "I'm a republican too," when you're not.
Different situations call for different behaviors. Politics don't belong in the workplace. You don't need to agree politically to be able to collaborate on a project or to serve your clients/ customers. If you're piping up and forcing your opinions on others in the workplace, you're in the wrong. You're the one creating a hostile environment for others.
The rules are different when you're among family and friends, particularly if all parties are open to the discussion. In those cases, it's certainly ok to state your beliefs. That being said, if you're talking to someone who doesn't share your values and either one of you becomes hostile, it's better to shelve the opinions for the sake of peace.
If your opinion is so strong that you cannot be civil or that you cannot maintain a relationship with someone because of their values, then you can opt to distance yourself.
My mother, had she been allowed to vote in the last election, would have voted for Trump. Back when she was living with me, there were rallies in downtown Phoenix regarding the Muslim community. I don't recall the specifics of why it happened, but the main rally was supportive of inclusion and acceptance. But, there were people who went out to protest as well. I distinctly remember standing in front of the TV with my mother and her spewing out a ton of hate speech and lamenting that she couldn't go out and protest too. I was dumbfounded that I had been raised by someone who could be so hateful. I was shocked that she thought it was ok to say the things she was saying. At the same time, I also knew there was no getting through to her. I walked away and let it be. I didn't need to deceive her or pretend like I agreed. It wasn't the time or place.
If you can't agree, you can still respectfully disagree. Anything else is uncivilized, barring extenuating circumstances such as loss of life or personal harm.
Thank you for your very thoughtful and informative observations JA. I appreciate the time you invested to fully reply to my question. Some folks find it ever so easy to get along with everyone. What they really think or feel you will never know because they have decided to not discuss certain topics such as politics or religion. It is their choice and it makes life easier for them for sure. I mean no one is going to insult or attack you because you favor Yosemite over The Grand Canyon or broccoli over mashed potatoes. Different views on many topics are quite possible to hold and discuss with zero consequences There are a few landmines and they never go near them. Others are very intrepid and dare to go anywhere they wish with consequences attendant thereto. Of course. There are always consequences for such folks. It goes with the territory. Happy Monday! :)
Keeping one's mouth shut for the sake of smooth and successful business or social interaction is not pretending to agree. Though some people I guess are arrogant enough in their assumptions they seem to accept it as the same thing. I try to keep my focus as much as possible on the business at hand whatever it is. Because I know very few people even care to hear my opinions or what I believe when they differ from their own. I have no desire to engage in constant battle because I have better things to do in and with my life. So I am careful about what I say and when I say it.
rusureamisure? 