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Discussion » Questions » Human Behavior » Have you quietly supported a person who was dismissed from your workplace for some misdemeanour?

Have you quietly supported a person who was dismissed from your workplace for some misdemeanour?

A sweeper at the office stole some money and was dismissed for it. A fortnight later she turned up at my home weeping and asking for help; and, knowing her life circumstances, I couldn't refuse. This happened about six months ago, and I help her out a little every month. No one at my office knows about it.
She's truly repentant, and I've tried twice to get her reinstated, but to no avail. They're adamant not to have her back. Especially now that they've hired another woman in her place.

Posted - December 24, 2018


  • 36205
    She needs to understand a thing.  No matter how destitute you are?  You never ever steal from a workplace.  She is not being dismissed for a minor infraction.  She stole.  And?  That makes her untrustworthy in the eyes of an employer.  That is a black or white issue.  If you feel sorry?  Fine.  I do too. But she stole money.  She needs to move on and get another job and never do that again.  Someone will hire her if she looks hard enough.  She needs to start anywhere and just work for awhile.  

    It is far easier to seek help than snatch help.  No one will ever get back their reputation but money can always be made again.

    Lesson learned.  Or she can sit still, be stuck and depend on you to help her.  

    I would help her too, up to a POINT.  She needs to understand that stealing is not the answer ever.   This post was edited by Teflon Don Denier and Liar at December 26, 2018 10:33 AM MST
      December 24, 2018 8:56 AM MST

  • In your opinion am I doing something wrong by helping her without my company knowing  
      December 24, 2018 9:05 AM MST

  • 36205
    Boy are YOU off base.

    I never said a thing about you and this selfless act of yours.  Go ahead and help her.  I would too.  THAT IS WHAT I SAID.  I said  you are doing no one any favors by letting them think it is okay and she is a victim.  If that is even what you are doing.  I think you are an angel.  I also think you want some kudos for doing this favor.  

    But, that is okay.  I would help her too, but up to a point.  I am not there to hold her hand and say she was dismissed for no reason.  She stole.  That is all I am saying.

    Have I done things JUST AS STUPID?  YES. I have.  So, the only difference between me and her is I ADMIT I SCREWED UP.  She will never move on and grow if she thinks she was singled out and did nothing wrong.  She does not get to break a rule because she is poor.  She was given a chance and she blew it.
      December 24, 2018 9:11 AM MST

  • No, Sharonna, I don't need kudos from. What I do need, however, is an assurance that doing this behind my company's back does not imply complicity. I deliberately worded my question to see if anyone pointed that out. 
      December 24, 2018 2:43 PM MST

  • 22274
    no, ive never known anyone that thats happened to
      December 24, 2018 9:58 AM MST

  • 2715
    Everyone makes bad choices in life.  Unfortunately, many of us are quick to judge the bad choice maker yet slow to forgive them.   

    Sometimes our bad choices have dire consequences.  Stealing from an employer (money or things) is a firing offence.  Stealing violates trust.  Companies trust that their employees will handle their money and property appropriately.  If an employee doesn't, they have broken that trust (grounds for termination).  Very few companies will hire back an employee who has violated their trust- especially when it comes to money.  Would you?
    Hopefully, the one stole learned a lesson and won't steal again.  However, what they did may make others not trust them either (difficulty getting hired elsewhere) - a consequence of a bad choice.  It is good of you to assist this person.  Why should you tell anyone at your "office" that you're helping her?  Management might become suspicious of you and coworkers may start unsubstantiated rumors (sadly it happens more often than not).  Besides, your aid has nothing to do with them. 

    May I give you a word of caution?  While it is good to help others, make sure your "help" isn't being abused.  Some people would rather have charity than "fixing" their situation.  I'm not saying this is the case, it's just a word of caution.
      December 24, 2018 10:09 AM MST

  • 894
    No this hasn't happened to me, but there have been similar circumstances of reaching a point where I am unwilling to enable people to stay in their situation. 

    The thing about work is that you are never unreplaceable, if you screw up there is always someone waiting to step in.  This woman stole from her employees, therefore she is no longer trustworthy and they'd rather employ someone who hasn't proven themselves untrustworthy.   Your behaviour is admirable, but you cannot support this woman forever, she needs to learn from her mistake and get another job to financially support herself because everyone needs to earn money to do this.  There is a line between accepting charitable help, and what we in the UK would refer to being a ponce, i.e. someone that cannot be bothered to support themselves and leeches off others.  Don't enable this woman to avoid work, point her in the direction of the food bank if she doesn't get  a job soon, it's not like she isn't able bodied, and she brought all this on herself. Six months is way past the time in which you should feel obliged to financially support her, way past! This post was edited by kjames at December 26, 2018 10:54 AM MST
      December 24, 2018 11:01 AM MST

  • I agree six months of support is a long time. I did arrange for her to be employed as a sweeper in a small library and she has been working diligently there for some time. But the wages are low, even for a sweeper, and her husband takes away all of it and leaves her with almost nothing. Which is why she succumbed to the temptation of stealing in the first place. And, by the way, she did not steal office money but from an employee's purse. We don't have to teach lessons and punish every time; a little compassion can sometimes prove to be a more effective "lesson". 
      December 24, 2018 2:56 PM MST

  • 894
    I agree but six months is a long time. Funnily enough the circumstances with her husband and what I said above about enabling may be on point.  I had a friend who was married to an alcoholic, she would ring me up and we'd be on the phone for hours, and then the phone call would end and she'd carry on living with her husband until another blow out and then she'd ring me up.  This went on for seven years.  In my mind I knew that she would never leave him until things got bad enough, and all I was doing was allowing her to let off steam.  Eventually, I allowed the telephone calls less and less, and actually told her that until she'd had enough, things wouldn't change.  Eventually, she did have enough and plucked up the courage to end the marriage.  Sometimes you have to decide as to whether you are helping someone or hindering someone from finally making a decision to move on.  If her husband takes all her hard earned money that is more than a problem that you can deal with, neither is it your fault.  The woman has to have enough of her husband taking her money, take back her power and change things, because if nothing changes then nothing changes. What if this woman is happy for her husband to keep taking her money while you subsidise her because it solves her problem, how long are you willing to do that?  Stealing from an employee's purse is no better, stealing is leaving someone else without their hard earned money, it's not the answer.  It sounds like you have gone way beyond the means of helping this lady, giving her money, getting her a job, trying to get her job back, but at some point she is going to have to face the problem indoors with her husband.  Nice speaking to you Neelie :) This post was edited by kjames at January 1, 2019 7:45 AM MST
      December 24, 2018 6:07 PM MST

  • 1670
    No one here gets dismissed for one misdemeanour -- but they may get dismissed for a second, and would definitely get dismissed for a third.

    For stealing - no, I would not give support.
    The most I'd do is listen to their personal situation, and if they are in some kind of dire straights, give them the contact details for the appropriate place to get help - gambler's anonymous, AA, special employers willing to take reformed ex-cons on trial.
      December 24, 2018 6:56 PM MST

  • 691
    I appreciate your kindness and your efforts to help her financially specially seeing her life circumstances but don't make her that habit, don't let that be her source of income every month. Better try find her a better work where she can earn few bucks more. That's the best way you can help her. I've had a bad experience helping a sweeper from my previous employer. All are not same but still, let her put efforts to earn money!
      December 26, 2018 10:52 AM MST

  • 8955
    I'm not sure I could excuse the fact that she stole from an employee's purse.  It would almost have been better had she stole from the company.  As for helping her out because her husband takes all her money, that is a problem that SHE needs to straighten out.  As long as she allows him to do that, she enables him and makes herself the victim.  You were kind enough to get her another job and to help her out financially, but at this point, I would think she's just going to have to learn to stand on her own.
      December 26, 2018 2:38 PM MST

  • 231
    I agree with kjames' and Ritesh's answer. I hope she has found a better work now..
      January 1, 2019 3:33 AM MST