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Discussion » Questions » Relationships » You're in a "relationship" that you know is temporary. Do you get out while it's still good, or wait for it to implode?

You're in a "relationship" that you know is temporary. Do you get out while it's still good, or wait for it to implode?

Asking for a friend.

Posted - May 8

Responses


  • 22868

      I’d A) get as much out of it as I could while I could, and B) I’d get out while the getting is good.

    ~



      May 8, 2019 11:16 PM MDT
    1

  • 333
    Good advice. I guess it's hard to say where the tipping point is, though. 
      May 9, 2019 7:51 AM MDT
    2

  • 34907
    Get out while it is still good.  But why is it inevitable that it will go bad?  And why is it temporary?  That has all the earmarks for disaster right there.  


      May 9, 2019 12:55 AM MDT
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  • 333
    There are a number of reasons it's temporary but the bottom line is, it just is. I suppose when people want two different things, there's a huge potential that it's not going to end well. At minimum, one party will get hurt very badly.
      May 9, 2019 7:50 AM MDT
    1

  • 34907
    It was a rhetorical question.  It wasn't meant to get an answer as much as it was to make a point.  If it is temporary, odds are this person needs to get out while the getting is good. 
      May 9, 2019 7:53 AM MDT
    1

  • 7134
    Oddly enough, I've been reading a lot about Buddhism lately. I'm not Buddhist, but I like some of the sentiments. For example, they operate under the notion that everything is temporary. We experience pain because we expect things to last. (Paraphrasing here, apologies to any Buddhists everywhere). The reality is, even things we expect to be permanent usually aren't. "Your friend's" relationship is no different. It's just that your friend is being realistic. All relationships will end. It's just a matter of the circumstances and timing. 

    As for me, I usually wait for things to implode. In some cases, I just wait for a relationship to hit the point where there's more bad than good with no chance of improvement. In others, I enjoy it for what it is while it lasts and then let it fade when it must. I think the latter is better, particularly when both parties can be honest about where things sit, but a lot of people aren't prepared to accept that level of honesty. 
      May 9, 2019 9:49 AM MDT
    3

  • 333
    I've also been interested in Buddhism and Buddhist works, particular the writings of Pema Chodron and Thich Nhat Hanh. I'm definitely familiar with the view that all things are transient and all of life is fleeting. Over the years, my outlook on life has been very much influenced by the underlying ideologies and I am of the perspective that even temporary things have value. We're always trying to cling to things but ultimately, that's not something we ever have control over.

    You're right, it's more a matter of timing. But sometimes you reach a crossroads and you pause, and reflect.
      May 9, 2019 6:45 PM MDT
    1

  • 5534
    Yes very good - enjoy for what it is while it lasts.  Which is - a lot of people really feel if it does not last forever it is some kind of failure - but actually not at all as long as you are enjoying one another and deriving something from it.   If we are not then why are we in it?  Nothing lasts "forever" - even "forever" is not forever.  We are not meant to be alone so we naturally reach out to others to see what we will find. 
      May 9, 2019 8:40 PM MDT
    1

  • 993
    If there's nothing interesting for both parties to get from each others, then the 'relationship' just wont last.
      May 9, 2019 1:49 PM MDT
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  • 333
    It's not so much a matter of interest, it's more a matter of paths. But you make a valid point.
      May 9, 2019 6:37 PM MDT
    2

  • 993
    I mean, it still can work out no matter what. some people are solidly linked to each other. but some people are really independant, others are more towards having friends. It depends really.
      May 10, 2019 11:54 AM MDT
    1

  • 10808
    I think it's best to end it when you know it's over.    If you both know that you are a temporary thing and that is what you want, no need to end it.  The important thing is to not be deceptive.    Relationships and how to handle them are as varied as snowflakes. This post was edited by Thriftymaid at May 9, 2019 9:36 PM MDT
      May 9, 2019 2:53 PM MDT
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  • 2552
    ALL relationships are temporary ... the only question is, how temporary?
      May 9, 2019 3:08 PM MDT
    1

  • 22119
    depends on whats going on
      May 9, 2019 4:52 PM MDT
    1

  • 5534
    For me while it is still good but I can see and feel him losing interest in me.  Liking each other you naturally want to spend as much time together but eventually there comes a time when he wats to spend less time with you, he has other things to occupy him, or you know he is seeing others he is becoming more interested in.  For me that has always been the time to stop seeing one another.  Because you know how most men are - they will want you to be available to them right up until the time they no longer want you to be available.  And in pointing it out to them usually they are pretty relieved at my bringing that up.  Which of course is not the most complimentary thing for us but it is realistic.  And I like to think I am a realist. Because the sooner we deal with the loss then the better off and healthier our lives will be. 
      May 9, 2019 7:20 PM MDT
    1

  • 2863
    i would never waste my time/money/effort  in a relationship that is only temporary 
      May 9, 2019 7:36 PM MDT
    1

  • 333
    But what if you had a gift card? 
      May 9, 2019 8:59 PM MDT
    1

  • 5298
    I literally got run out of Australia staying until things imploded
      May 9, 2019 8:19 PM MDT
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  • 333
    Lol, I won't ask about the details of that hot mess. 
      May 9, 2019 8:24 PM MDT
    2