Discussion » Questions » Life and Society » Did your parents ever express to you that you weren't allowed to date or marry someone outside a select group- race, religion, class, etc?

Did your parents ever express to you that you weren't allowed to date or marry someone outside a select group- race, religion, class, etc?

Posted - September 11, 2019

Responses


  • 5391
    If you’d ever met my parents, you’d get that they have no credibility to make any such assertions. I married above my station, thank you very much. 
      September 11, 2019 6:46 PM MDT
    3

  • 17398
    Mother didn't want me to date Catholics.  Her reasons were based on her own life experience.   As it turned out I wasn't interested in dating until about the time I met my husband. This post was edited by Thriftymaid at September 15, 2019 1:40 PM MDT
      September 11, 2019 7:12 PM MDT
    5

  • 46117
    I grew up in the 50's and 60's in a white neighborhood and we were inundated with racism.  I had no idea what a black person was. I went to an all -white school and high school and even college.

    So, I was not around too many black people until I got to be around 20 and out in the world more.  My parents would have freaked if I were dating a black guy when I was a teen.  They were cool faster than most parents with that race stuff.  My parents were basically nice people and never wanted to make any  person feel bad.  They didn't even know they were racists when they were.  They evolved.
      September 11, 2019 7:16 PM MDT
    6

  • Nope. And I know they don't have that kind of prejudice in them. They may be a bit miffed that I haven't dated at all yet, though. 
      September 11, 2019 7:52 PM MDT
    5

  • It wasn't a case of not being allowed because they knew I would do what I wanted eventually, but numerous times they expressed their dislike at the possibility of me dating someone that wasn't white. And a couple times I did.  It was always one of those things where they would act supportive to  my face but you could tell they didn't like it. 
      September 12, 2019 6:31 AM MDT
    3

  • 52936

      My mother was born and raised in the South in the 1940s, so she was front and center situated to experience a lot of blatant racism and discrimination.  She infused her parenting with vestiges of what she assumed was a valid fight against those negativities, but she went a bit too far with it. All white people were bad, no black person should ever be in a relationship with a white person, she even went as far as to inform me and my two brothers that she NEVER wanted us to “walk in here with a white girl”.  When I was about six or seven years old, we were at some evening school event like parents’ might night and I innocently took a bite of something from a spoon that my best friend had just used.  He was white. When we got home, I got the beating of my life, not for eating after someone, but for eating after someone white. *I know that’s off the dating and relationship topic, but it sets the groundwork for her mindset.  When my sister attended the high school senior prom, none of the black guys asked her out, so the older brother of one of her friends invited her. He was white. My mother tried to bite her tongue and pretend that it didn’t bother her, for days before the prom she was beside herself in anguish. On prom night, two minutes before my sister was ready to leave the house, and with the guy sitting in an overstuffed armchair in the living room, my mother practically went supernova. She grabbed my sister, dragged her into a back bedroom and for twenty minutes tried to browbeat my sister with the 400 years of slavery routine and back-to-Africa pride speeches, and how-can-I-hold-my-head-up-high yadda yadda yadda. My sister shrugged, went to the prom with the guy and enjoyed herself. To this day, my mother doesn’t know firsthand that I dated and/or slept with white women. It’s none of her business. I completely ignored her mongering. When I decided to marry, my intended being non-black (Asian), I was concerned, but not deterred, when it came time to inform my mother. She surprised me by saying that she had no problem with an Asian daughter-in-law whatsoever. As it turns out, it was one of those at-least-she’s-not-white things. 


    ~ This post was edited by Randy D at October 22, 2019 5:37 PM MDT
      September 12, 2019 6:38 AM MDT
    7

  • 7919
    Woah. I feel like I've seen little glimpses of that in some of your writing, but the spoon thing... yikes. 

    Thank you for sharing that.
      September 12, 2019 10:33 AM MDT
    1

  • 6098
    No. 
      September 12, 2019 6:53 AM MDT
    2

  • 952
    No! I'm however the victim of such culture!
      September 15, 2019 1:44 PM MDT
    2