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Discussion » Questions » Babies and Kids » What's the most unconventional punishment you've ever given your kids or were given as a child?

What's the most unconventional punishment you've ever given your kids or were given as a child?

And was it effective?

Posted - Mon at 1:17 PM

Responses


  • 11699
    My older decided she wanted to join the band in seventh grade.  Our junior high and senior high has one band, as we are a small incorporated city that is suburb of a large city.  (That is my hometown, but I haven't lived there for some years)  So, we bought an alto sax and she joined the band.  She did very well and loved.  It didn't take long for me to realize there was going to be a problem.  I didn't know that "band" becomes your social group.  A seventh grader has no business being in a social group with 12th graders.  There were lots of band parties.  I always embarrassed her by checking with parents where the party was to be.  I even showed up during one of them with a lame reason just so my daughter would always know that that was a possibility.  When the second grades came out of the second semester, she had a C in something.  She had only made two Bs in her life.  I explained that I understood that her social life was so active that her attention to school was suffering.  I told her that if there was another C on the last grade period that band would be a thing of the past.  Well, she did make another C and I took her to the school office the next day to change her eighth grade schedule removing band.  She told me later that it was almost a relief.  She couldn't explain why she did not quit herself.  She never made another C, including college and grad school. 

    Parents can say no to kids.  Letting kids run the house, the school, or anything else is a mistake.  They are growing up and until they get there, they need us to set boundaries and enforce them.  This is from where they get their sense of security.

    I know this may not be unconventional but I never had to punish my kids.  They were almost like stepford kids.  That's the truth. This post was edited by Thriftymaid at October 11, 2019 2:45 PM MDT
      October 7, 2019 2:24 PM MDT
    7

  • 6036
    Her being with kids almost 50% or so older than she was in 7th grade was a situation that had the potential for far more bad things to happen than good things.

    Glad you were able to get her out of that situation---there's always private lessons if you really want to learn how to play an instrument.
      October 7, 2019 2:39 PM MDT
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  • 11699
    She already knew how to play before she joined the band.  Band wasn't about learning the instrument.  She just thought it was be fun to do and perform at games and school functions.  AND it was.  It was the extracurricular parties and trips that were problematic.  I didn't let her go on trips and I even drove her to the ballgames that weren't at our field. I didn't let her ride the bus with the band.  Several of us junior high parents did this.    Anyway, she was fine with it, like I said.  She knew I was concerned about it all year even though I didn't express it often.  You know, when you are 'out of place' in situations, it's uncomfortable.  When my younger daughter got to junior high she also wanted to join the band.  I talked to the band teachers and found out that junior high band members only play for home games and on-campus school activities.  Things had changed quite a big in five years.  I simply didn't let her go to band parties.  She only stayed in band one year.  Her choice.  It all works out. 
      October 7, 2019 2:48 PM MDT
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  • 7508
    I second that thought! :) :)
      October 8, 2019 8:44 PM MDT
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  • 7508
    I totally agree.  Good Parenting and I'm glad she appreciated it too.  Kids need boundaries and are begging for them.  I truly believe that.  How else are they going to be able to know where to push?  It sounds like you were a great parent and she benefitted from your concerns and strictness. :) :)
      October 8, 2019 8:43 PM MDT
    2

  • 16115
    Most unconventional was only unconventional because of her age...she was already a teen. And she had some friends over and being a smart but in front of them. So I told her a child I would treat her like one and sent her to the corner. She said what? And I told her again. Sje went and I left her there for a couple of minutes. And that straightened her right up. 

    To this day she will bring it up...I just can not believe you sent me to the corner at that age in front of my friends. That was so embarrassing.  Lol She never dod it again with friends around. 

    Put most of the time the traditional stuff worked...take cell phone and stay home. 
    With my boys it is take game controllers and kill the WIFI. 

      October 7, 2019 2:40 PM MDT
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  • 6036
    Embarrassing her in front of her friends when she was a teenager, huh?---And when she brings it up, her comment is "I just can not believe you sent me to the corner at that age in front of my friends. That was so embarrassing."

    Some day she might tell you what she might be thinking but isn't saying after "That was so embarrassing."

    Short of professional education, this is one of the best way for any parent to get tips on how to raise a fully functioning dult:  https://www.amazon.com/Your-Childs-Self-Esteem-Dorothy-Briggs/dp/0385040202
      October 7, 2019 2:51 PM MDT
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  • 11699
    JA just asked how to help a child's self esteem.  She might like to know about this book.
      October 7, 2019 3:01 PM MDT
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  • 2652
    You seriously find fault in this?  Good lord
      October 11, 2019 1:51 PM MDT
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  • 11699
    Taking bedroom doors off hinges for a week or two is very effective for pre- and teen girls.  I didn't do this but family member did and my neighbor did too. This post was edited by Thriftymaid at October 11, 2019 7:04 AM MDT
      October 7, 2019 2:52 PM MDT
    5

  • 16115
    I know someone who did that as well. 
      October 7, 2019 3:16 PM MDT
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  • 7508
    We never had our bedroom doors shut and we didn't have locks on them, either.
    My parents only shut their door when they were doing the hanky panky.  We learned that the hard way and it only took once. :))
      October 8, 2019 8:48 PM MDT
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  • 25580

      You just stole my thunder. Read my answer below, please. 
    ~
      October 8, 2019 9:26 PM MDT
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  • 7508
    I don't think she did, Randy D.  I love your story and the effects it had on your kids.  
    I liked it so much, I read it outloud to Don.  Being the carpenter and contractor he is, he got a small chuckle at your ongoing  door dilemma but a HUGE admiring smile for your remarkable parenting ability of defusing the problem and sticking to the, "respect the person and rule," rule.
    I'm sure time has had those doors settle in their quirky way by now.
    Since we are not parents, we have no notes to compare about parenting but he would like to help you in the way he can.
    Don says, the next time you would like to take doors off, remove the pins and not the hinges.  The doors have already balanced for their specific weight and that individual opening already cut for that individual door.
    Big Winks and Smiles!
    Great job in parenting and good for you and your lovely wife to stick to your guns and stay as a team.  :) :) This post was edited by Merlin at October 9, 2019 10:07 PM MDT
      October 9, 2019 7:45 AM MDT
    1

  • 25580

      I'm buying Don a plane ticket so that he can come here and fix these danged doors, LOL!  (Just Don, NOT YOU!)


    ~

     
      October 9, 2019 10:23 PM MDT
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  • 7508
    :) :) ;) ;)!!!
      October 9, 2019 10:54 PM MDT
    1

  • 4190

    When my youngest son was in his mid teens he started doing B&Es with his buddies. When I finally found out about it I sentenced him to watching Court procedures with me every Wednesday for the next 2 months. Wednesdays were the days they tried youth and I figured if he watched his friends get sentenced  it would scare him. But at first it looked like it was going to back fire because they were all getting slaps on the wrists but there was the odd one that showed him crime doesn't always pay. I think it helped get him on the right path but there were other factors like new friends and interests. Cheers!       

      October 7, 2019 4:09 PM MDT
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  • 25580
    [Either here on AnswerMug or previously on the now-defunct AnswerBag, I have recounted this before.]

      I think mine were about 8 and 9 years old when this happened. They each had their own bedrooms, and from the time they could understand human language, the rules of the house were that no one, NO ONE AT ALL enters any closed door without first knocking and secondly getting permission to enter. My wife and I, even being adults and even being those who made the rules, also respected that rule, we saw it as a way to show the children the best example. 

      There began to be problems of those two violating this particular rule by barging into each other’s rooms at will, arguing and fighting about it, then the “victim“ would run to me or Ma and cry foul. The perpetrator would always have an excuse, “I knocked first,” “The door wasn’t closed all the way,” “I didn’t think you’d mind,” “You did it to me last week,” “That’s because you did it to me first,” “You were asleep, so I had to go in without knocking,” “I was only in there for a minute,” “I asked Mama first and she said it was okay,” “You made me angry” “You had some of my stuff in your room.”

      I got fed up. One Saturday morning when the squabbling started anew, I went to the garage, got my toolbox, and proceeded to unscrew the hinges from the defendant sibling‘s door. The plaintiff sibling was in hog’s heaven, snickering and taunting and pointing. As I carried off the door to store it in the garage, the bickering escalated. I ignored it, I ignored both of them. Much to plaintiff sibling’s surprise, I then began removing the second door from its frame. The house grew silent except for the sounds of my labor. I finally had peace and quiet. 

      I sat them down and gave them the $10 speech about respecting rules, respecting each other, the consequences that come when one forgets or disregards those points. I told them that if they didn’t think those doors were important, we‘d see how long it took before a lack of doors changed their minds. 

      It didn’t take very long. Losing all of their privacy was a great teacher. Soon, they were practically tiptoeing around each other. They were so sweet to each other that I thought my wife and I would contract sugar diabetes by osmosis. The story has an overall positive ending in that the plan worked; when I put the doors back on experimentally, they outgrew the problem. There was, of course, one drawback. Either I put the wrong door on the wrong frame, or some other dad mishap, but from then on, neither door ever closed completely nor closed  properly. I tried various combinations of the hinges, the screws, the direction of hanging the doors, everything. Even to this day, kids all grown up and out on their own, Ma and Pa in an empty nest, those two darned doors are still clunkers. 
    ~


      October 8, 2019 10:38 PM MDT
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  • 11699
    I agree.  I've always said that children do not have the right to privacy the same as adults....it is a very limited right and can be changed by parents at any time.  

    Good job, dad.   I bet you have a very nice family.  :)  
      October 9, 2019 1:02 AM MDT
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  • 6036
    Suspending one's right to privacy should be a last resort. 

    It may seem to have worked well in any given situation, but the long term side effects are potentially much worse that the relief of the current issue in question.

    And if that happens, it's might be a good idea for a parent to prepare themselves for a lonely old age.

    And that's called "The Doctrine of Logical Consequences." This post was edited by tom jackson at October 9, 2019 10:55 PM MDT
      October 9, 2019 12:01 PM MDT
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  • 11699
    Like I said, children do not have the right to privacy the same as an adult has via the constitution.  Their right to privacy is whatever their parents' say it is.  Of course, I'm talking about anything abusive.  But if a parents decides the best thing is for a door to come down and stay down until that child is grown and moves away, that's just OK.  Some of the parents complaining about their 30 year olds still be at home might try removing the doors.  I remember my neighbor's daughter screaming about privacy when her dad took the door down.  He was correct in his response of.....go into the bathroom to change clothes.
      October 9, 2019 9:11 PM MDT
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  • 6036
    The question that has to be answered is "Given the necessary of a child having a certain minimal amount of privacy for his development as a fully functioning adult, does this particular denial of privacy justify the end it seeks, i.e., obedience to parental rules.

    I would argue that it does not, and that it is not "just OK."  




      October 11, 2019 11:39 AM MDT
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  • 7415
    lol I wonder if maybe you're where I got the idea from and I just didn't realize it at the time. 

    I don't ordinarily give "punishments." I've moved to an "if you want XYZ, you need to earn it" mentality. That works, but I still get emotional outbursts from my crew from time to time. In those cases, I tell them they need to go to their room until they're calm enough to conduct themselves appropriately. My pre-teen does this without issue and removes herself when she's mad. My youngest still needs to be escorted. That makes him angrier, so he slams his door to make a point. Repeatedly. 

    I cautioned him that his door was a privilege and that it would be gone if he didn't treat it with respect. He answered me with a slam. Goodbye, door.

    I told him he could have the door back when he demonstrated he could be responsible with it and repaired the damage on it. Of course, I don't know if I can put the door back on alone, so it just might have to sit there for a while until I can find someone to help me. 

    He didn't like that very much and responded by throwing things out his door. I again cautioned him that anything that left his room would be going in the trash. He decided to test me by tossing Rocket Copters down the hall. (Those are the light-up slingshot rockets from TV.) The thing is, they're designed to make a high-pitched chirping sound while flying through the air, so every few minutes, there'd be a pheeeewwwww sound followed by a plunk as the rocket hit something. I swear, it took all I had not to die of laughter because he was angry and making such comical noises. 

    In the end, the Rocket Copters all went in the trash. He doesn't throw things out the door anymore. Actually, I haven't had to send him to his room since. His door is sitting in my room, waiting for him to take initiative. He's going to have to fix any dings on it and repaint it before I'll let him have it back. And, of course, someone's going to have to help me get it back up. 
      October 9, 2019 11:45 AM MDT
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  • 25580


      Please contact Merlin's Don when it comes time to re-hang the door. I have first dibs on him, though. 


    ~
      October 9, 2019 10:30 PM MDT
    2