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Discussion » Questions » Human Behavior » Is it best never to disparage your parents with bad names because when they are gone you will sit alone in deep regret?

Is it best never to disparage your parents with bad names because when they are gone you will sit alone in deep regret?

Posted - November 12

Responses


  • 2987
    I think it's best never to disparage anyone.
    When we disparage it's usually because we're angry about some behaviour - perhaps something that has hurt, shamed or threatened us. It's this behaviour that needs to be addressed. There's no harm in being assertive, telling someone the objective facts of what we observed with our senses, how it thwarted our needs, values or goals, what the direct consequences have been, and how we feel about it. DOne skillfully it takes about two minutes to say it. And none of it involves disparaging or abusing another.
    It is important to tell the truth in long-term relationships - otherwise, resentments sooner or later inevitably blow up.
      November 12, 2019 11:03 PM MST
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  • 12044
    It is best not to disparage them because respecting your parents is appropriate.  If you truly have crappy parents you have to figure out how to handle your (appropriate) negative feelings about them.  And how to not feel guilty about something that isn't your fault.   That is a hard place to be.  I was very angry with my mother from the age of 16 until the age of 45 when a lifelong friend said to me "Thrifty, it's time to stop being angry with your mom even if you cannot forgive her."  I worked at it and learned that ibuprofen helped that neck pain that I always had when I was around her.  I'm glad I worked through it because she's quite old now and living near me in assisted living.  I'm so glad she's near us again.  When I moved out of state she refused to move for quite a few years.  But she just got so old that she needed us.  

    Most of the time I believe parents do the best they can.    But sometimes, they just do the wrong thing....that is called a mistake and at some point I guess we have to forgive them even though they would never admit they were wrong.  If we don't, we've lost our parent.   This post was edited by Thriftymaid at November 13, 2019 10:10 PM MST
      November 13, 2019 10:08 PM MST
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