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Discussion » Statements » Rosie's Corner » Do YOU make amends so people will like you or to clear your conscience with yourself and GOD? I think what others think matters not. You?

Do YOU make amends so people will like you or to clear your conscience with yourself and GOD? I think what others think matters not. You?

Posted - November 30, 2019

Responses


  • 46117
    If you don't act with God in mind, you are acting with EGO in mind.  Guess who wins that one? 
      November 30, 2019 9:50 AM MST
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  • 10449
    Make amends?  Is that to say forgive?
      November 30, 2019 11:39 AM MST
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  • 113301
    No Shuhak. You did someone wrong and you want to atone for it, make up for it. That is my understanding of making amends. I think I've read that alcoholics who hurt others are required to "make amends". I could be wrong about that. Say you badmouthed someone and it caused him/her to not get a promotion. That would weigh heavily on a conscience of a person who regretted any harm he/she caused others. You can't make up for it but you could confess it to the person you harmed so he/she would know why. Confront what you did, apologize for it. The person may not forgive you but at least knows the reason had nothing to do with him/her and everything to do with you sabotaging. Kinda dramatic example. I think I saw that storyline on a TV show. Thank you for your questions. I bet I overanswered them, right? Ah. Fodder for another question.
      December 1, 2019 2:28 AM MST
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  • 10449
    Ah, I get it.

    I don't think I've ever knowingly did anyone wrong.  At least I hope I never did.  But if I did i would try to make it right, not for conscience, but because I don't like hurting people (I'm a very sensitive person).
      December 1, 2019 10:10 AM MST
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  • 113301
    I don't either but I also don't like to be hurt. I also don't want to lie or pretend I am what I am not. I figger if I'm honest when I express my views (and I always am as far as I know)folks will either like it or not like it which is fine. We aren't all everyone's cuppa tea. Some of us are different brands that might take getting used to. Thank you for your reply! :)
      December 2, 2019 2:37 AM MST
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  • 6098
    But we can hurt people whether or not we are consciously trying to do so.  A couple of years ago I received a nasty letter from someone I knew 40 years ago going on and on about what a bad person I was and how she was letting me go. Had not heard from her in maybe 37 years!  All because of a stupid argument she had with her boyfriend that I would not support her in.  Which I apologized for at the time anyway but she apparently saw fit to carry it with her for 40 years! Are we responsible for people hurting when it was not our intention?  Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.  We just live our lives and people get hurt whether or not we intend them any harm. That is the way things are.  Some people just wait to be hurt.  Strange but true.  We can try to "make amends" but in those cases we cannot really do so because their hurt is more precious to them than anything else.  
      December 1, 2019 10:34 AM MST
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  • 113301
    That is so weird og. Holding on to a disappointment/hurt for that long is unfortunate enough but then to lash out at you now? Wow. I wonder how many other grudges she has nurtured in life? I mean it takes active attention to it to keep alive. I pity her actually. Grateful I am not her. Not a happy life for sure. Thank you for your reply. If I hurt someone unintentionally inadvertently and find out I always apologize. Everyone has sensitive issues and triggers and you can't possibly know what they are until you cause one. Of course I'm responsible for it. I didn't intend it. So I apologize for the hurt I caused. Gosh I've done it dozens of times on Answermug and on Answerbag before that. You are always responsible for what you cause. You are just a lousier person if it was intentionally harmful. My opinion. This post was edited by RosieG at December 2, 2019 2:43 AM MST
      December 2, 2019 2:42 AM MST
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  • 46117
    I went through AA. LOL   I have a Ph.d. in AMENDS and what they mean and how to make them.

    1.  The first three of the 12 steps in Alcoholics Anonymous is even  admitting that you are an alcoholic.  It takes three steps and many take a year or two to get past that.

    The next ones have to do with making a list of all the crap you did.  All the misery.  All the people you hurt.  The more extensive and heartfelt the list, the better your chance of recovery, I do believe.

    So, you make a list.  Then what?  You make physical amends where possible. You face the person and apologize, always with the other person's feelings in mind.  If they never want to see you again, you must consider that.  You maybe could write a letter then.  But you need to put forth an energy and effort.

    THEN?  YOU MUST DO THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP.  DO NOT REPEAT THE OFFENSE.  Of course, we are human, but admitting that I was a drunk and telling everyone I knew to throw me out or call the cops or do whatever it took to stop me, PLEASE DO IT. I never want to drink again, and I am honest about it.  Jail me first. I will thank you later when I sober up.
      December 1, 2019 10:43 AM MST
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  • 113301
    I've seen it depicted in storylines on various TV shows. I think that must be a very hard thing to do and I admire those who do it. I hope it brings them some solace. Of course you cannot ever change what you caused that hurt/harmed others but owning up to and apologizing for it sincerely is something you should get credit for. Thank you for your reply Sharon.
      December 2, 2019 2:47 AM MST
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