Discussion » Statements » Rosie's Corner » I was taken aback by a reply to a question I asked. It took awhile to process it. Will you be my Sounding Board?

I was taken aback by a reply to a question I asked. It took awhile to process it. Will you be my Sounding Board?

A replier posited that some women like to be "taken" (raped) and it may date back to caveman days.

I did not know that. So then did you know that? I'm still trying to process it and I'm having a pretty hard time with it.

Posted - December 24, 2019

Responses


  • 1152
    Since I am only a bird (and we have very different mating habits), I can only relate what I've learned.

    It is my understanding that at least some women do harbor desires to be "swept off their feet, " either romantically or in a sexually explicit sense.

    Why this is so is not clear (many things about human sexuality are hard to fathom), but I suspect it is at least partially because most societies discourage overt sexuality by women (at least relative to men). As the stereotype goes, a sexually promiscuous man is a "ladies' man" while a sexually promiscuous woman is a "slut." I think it also relates to the desire to escape one's hum-drum day-to-day life (which I infer from the tremendous popularity of Harlequin romance novels, bought almost exclusively by women). 

    I think for some women the "swept off my feet" scenario gives them license to more fully enjoy the encounter. Since they were overwhelmed by the more powerful man, it's "not their fault" that they are in the encounter, so they can enjoy whatever pleasures the encounter brings without having to feel guilty about "being a slut."

    Now, to be absolutely clear, I am NOT condoning rape. I suspect most women's "swept off my feet" fantasies involve a desirable good-looking good-smelling well-endowed sexually-skilled partner, not a being forced by some random guy of dubious charms who is only interested in his own pleasure (cough...Trump..cough...). So, any man who defends his rape attempt by asserting "she really wanted it" is almost certainly full of BS.

    I hope the above made some sense. This post was edited by SaltyPebble at December 24, 2019 10:46 AM MST
      December 24, 2019 7:53 AM MST
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  • 113301
    As I said SP I'm trying to process it. To me "rape" is against the will of the person being raped. If it is consensual there is no rape. Now I do admit some women are teases and play games. I am not among them. I detest them. I can only be who I am and imagining being "taken" against my will would crush me and I fear would change me forever and not in a good way. I only know me. I don't know other women. This is a really tough discussion for me. Because the black and white of rape is now resplendent with greys and you know how many greys there are? Like apples..6000? Thank you for your thoughtful attempt to help me grasp this awfulness. I appreciate it. :)
      December 24, 2019 10:50 AM MST
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  • 1152
    I think there might be an even simpler explanation.

    Human mating rituals are complicated. Vast amounts of literature, poetry, music, movies, etc. have been written about those complications.

    If a woman wants a man, and the man just "takes" her without all of the "let's have coffee" fol de rol, that might be an exciting result, both because she's getting what she actually wants, and the effort put in to getting it is minimized.

    And again, this in NO WAY justifies anyone forcing themselves upon another with the excuse "she (or he) actually wanted it"

    Of course, individual tastes may vary. Some women want to be wined and dined and feted and wooed. Others perhaps are more amenable to a truncated process.

    As always, it's complicated...
      December 24, 2019 12:07 PM MST
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  • 113301
    Indeed. SIGH. Thank you for your reply. So what plans might you have for Christmas? There's just Jim and me. Our relatives/friends are in other states. Went to Walmart this morning having no idea at all what I was going to get to cook for tomorrow. Well here is the menu. Chicken breasts in a white wine butter garlic sauce. Mushroom Risotta. Garlic bread and Greek Salad. Simple straightfoward and not really holidayish but I cook emotionally for what I"M HUNGRY for. Jim is a delight to cook for. Whatever I come up with he says " I was hungry for that"!  Anyway wherever you are if you're close by come on over! Otherwise have a great day whatever you're doing! :) This post was edited by RosieG at December 24, 2019 12:19 PM MST
      December 24, 2019 12:18 PM MST
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  • 1152
    You have Jim well trained...

    This post was edited by SaltyPebble at December 25, 2019 1:39 AM MST
      December 24, 2019 2:04 PM MST
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  • 113301
    :):):) MERRY CHRISTMAS!
      December 25, 2019 1:40 AM MST
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  • 46117
    This moron sentiment became  very wide spread while I was growing up.  YES.  Women were to be ravaged and plundered for their pleasure.

    I remember reading The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.  She was supposedly a feminist of the first order.  She had a chapter where the lead character, the hero, goes  into the bedroom of a woman who supposedly is attracted to him and he goes into her bedroom and rapes her.

    He didn't ask.  He raped her.  And she loved him for it.

    That is sick and that was accepted as a romatic encounter in the 50's and 60's.  Yes.   This was accepted and acceptable.  You forget how much impact the Gloria Steinems of the world actually were responsible for.

    Women were chattel and had no brains according to most men back then.  And it still resonates with the old white dinosaurs.   
      December 24, 2019 8:16 AM MST
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  • 3907
    Hello BE:

    Didn't Rhett rape Scarlett??  He DID, didn't he?  Did anybody complain?  Nope.

    excon This post was edited by excon at December 25, 2019 8:28 AM MST
      December 24, 2019 8:46 AM MST
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  • 46117
    OMG I forgot all aobut that one and I read that book about 10 times at least.  That's how accepted and romantic that kind of macho behavior was to women back then.  Women wanted a HE MAN?  Give me a break.  It was the reason for all the brutality and mindlessness of years prior.  

    Just think of the male ego growing in leaps and bounds and keeping women voluntarily under their thumb at all times.  That was what I was raised with.   That mentality.  It was everywhere and so ingrained, that it took me years to even realize what Gloria Steinem was saying.  

    And we are still living there.  Right now in the Senate.  Right now in the South.  Right now.  
      December 24, 2019 9:30 AM MST
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  • 113301
    :):):)
      December 24, 2019 11:06 AM MST
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  • 113301
    You know Sharon I detest women who are teases. I cannot relate to them and I do know they exist. I don't know if that is their unspoken goal but they disgust me. I can only react for me. Being forced to do anything against my will is anathema to me. Violating my body without my consent is something I secretly want to have happen? That is wackadoodle nuts to me. But what do I know? It just kinda shook me a bit. Thank you for your reply. :)
      December 24, 2019 10:54 AM MST
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  • 1152
    You actually read "The Fountainhead"? 

    I am surprised you were not permanently traumatized by the experience. I've read passages and I've seen a movie based upon it. I can't imagine having the pain tolerance to get through the entire thing...
      December 24, 2019 12:09 PM MST
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  • 3907
    Hello again, Rosie:

    I didn't say "raped"..  I said "taken".  One requires consent.  The other doesn't..

    Some women like to be tied up.  Some women like rough sex..  Some women say no when they mean yes..  Some women like to pretend they're being raped.. 

    I dunno what causes any of that, or if it means anything.. I'm just reporting my findings.  I could be wrong..  I was wrong once..


    excon
      December 24, 2019 8:43 AM MST
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  • 113301
    Why did you "out" yourself? The question I asked to which you replied was about RAPE. "Taken"? What the he** does that mean? Against one's will or is that someone who wants it so bad but needs not to be wanting it? That's way too complicated for me. Whatever. I have reacted honestly to this. I don't know any other way to be. I thought your response was very upsetting. Not your fault. You are whom you are and I am me and I guess I didn't know you as well as I thought I did. This subject never came up. I'm an old woman now excon. 82. For what it's worth. I always appreciate honesty. But sometimes it gets to me. Merry Christmas to thee and thine. This post was edited by RosieG at December 24, 2019 10:59 AM MST
      December 24, 2019 10:57 AM MST
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  • 10449
    I seriously doubt any woman desires to be or likes being raped (nymphomaniacs aside).  In fact, I have never even heard of a woman who liked being raped.  Maybe on porno sites, but not in reality.  Liking rough sex isn't the same as liking rape.  I worked with a nymphomaniac once.  While she and her husband did some pretty kinky and sadistic things, she had no desire to be raped - and frequently condemned it (a cowardly act).

    If someone claims they like being raped, they may suffer from low self esteem.


      December 24, 2019 10:13 AM MST
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  • 113301
    Thank you for your thoughtful reply Shuhak. I only know me so I react honestly. I know there are women who are teases and they are among the women I DESPISE. They are phoinies through and through. I'm always honest. I do not flirt. I do not tease. I don't think it's cute or adorable or sexy. I think it sucks. That some women would want to be treated like a hoor I can't imagine. But then why would I dwell in such a foreign place as that? Thank you for your reply. Figgered out what I wanted to cook tomorrow. I'm doing chicken breasts in a wine butter sauce. I'm gonna make mushroom risotto! Garlic bread! And a Greek Salad. Not regulation Christmas Fare but it's just Jim and me and anything I fix he likes! How are you coming with your assigned dishes? :) This post was edited by RosieG at December 24, 2019 11:40 AM MST
      December 24, 2019 11:04 AM MST
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  • 10449
    That sounds delicious.  Who follows regulations?   I can almost guarantee that macaroni salad isn't a "regulation christmas" dish.  Whatever one likes and the company they enjoy it with... that's what matters.

    I'm just about to start my first batch of rolls.  I opened the computer to put on Pandora (got to have music when I cook) While the rolls are rising I'll make the macaroni salad.  I'll make the pie shell while the second batch is rising.  I'll make the pie tonight after the rolls are all done (7-9 pm?).  I'll make the lasagna and ambrosia tomorrow (ambrosi doesn't do well sitting around, and I want a hot lasagna).
      December 24, 2019 11:50 AM MST
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  • 113301
    As i read your various stages of prep it sounded like a symphony with various "instruments" chiming in at the appropriate time. You clearly are familiar with timing. It can be very tricky if you don't master it. Bet I don't have to tell you that. Have a great day tomorrow with your family m'dear. Merry Christmas! :)
      December 24, 2019 11:56 AM MST
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