Have you even became estranged from a close family member? If you did, did you ever work things out later?

People would stare at me like I'm a monster when I utter a single word against my parents, but they don't know them like I do. And those who do feel more outrage than I do towards them. They are not good people. Not all of us are lucky enough to have good folks.

It's a shame we can't pick our parents. And some people should not have kids.
Having them does not make you a good parent.

True that LM.  There are plenty of people that shouldn't even have pets!

The tragedy about your comment is that it's true. I had to create a distance with one of my blood relatives. time has helped to heal a lot of wounds. I have also learned to forgive and forget. I have learned to accept that in this life we may never have a normal relationship.

Good for you Autumnleaves.
I too was able to forgive so I could move on for my own peace of mind.

D&D, I can relate!  My dad had a very sweet mannerism and all my friends loved him.  But as I grew older, I realized he was actually a very negative person and there was a lot about him that wasn't so nice behind closed doors.  The few times I ever tried to explain what he had become in later years was often met with, "Oh your dad was so nice".  

He's gone now, so now I will only talk about what I loved about him.  It is what I want to remember anyway.

You are to be commended, you have come a long ways. so many times parents can cause so much damage to their children because they themselves suffered at the hands of an abuser. at times they could have suffered from a mental disorder that only now is known of. I have also decided to remember the positive, even though my parent still lives.  may God bless your good heart.

My brother has been estranged from his own adult kids for years after he got a divorce from their mother.  We have all told him that he would never get that time back.  I wish I lived closer to them.  They both are really wonderful young adults that have done much to be good parents themselves and forgive the hurt they feel over their dad.  My sister never had kids.  She knew she wasn't cut out for it.  I give her credit for that one.

It's a brave move LM and it sounds like you are at peace with it.  

I know right now, I need to pull away.  But it hurts because I don't understand a lot of what happened between us.  And I don't trust to get an honest answer if I tried.  She has a lot of issues with her personality and her life that I can't compromise on.

By pulling away totally may help her see the light.
But either way it will give you peace of mind.

I admit to feeling relieved to not see her drama out there on social media with mutual friends and family.   Social media can really complicate estrangements since they are always there, even if you aren't speaking.  Blocking was the only option I felt I had.  My phone still works and so does my email, so should she break the ice and tell me what is going on, I'll be here.  I just have to believe she has to get her own head together before doing that.  I sure am not going to chase her down right now.

I have a brother like that.  Maybe we talk once or twice a year, but that is normal for him.  I'm tight with his live in girlfriend though, so I always have some sense of what is going on with him.  

I'm sorry Livvie.  There are some things that are pretty unforgivable.  My sister has done some really awful things that really hurt me (and my adult children) and I thought I was shutting a door on her when our mother was dying.  But when our mother did die, we reached out to each other in utter grief and for a while, it seem we could get past what had happened between us.  She had apologized for what she had done, blaming outside factors to her poor decision making.  But a few months ago, she simply stopped communicating with me.  I knew I had done nothing to bring it on, so I suppose she was resorting back to what drove us apart in the first place.  With her, there is always drama going on.  She has lost many close friends and other family because of it.  It's sad.  I still feel a sense of wanting to look out for a broken little girl since we both grew up in a not so great place.  Time will tell if this will be forever or not.

My mother and I did not get along for years until I had my son.
Everything changed then and we became very close and she was a great grandma.
So things can turn around, but sometimes it is a slow process.

I think major life events can make or break people.  My mother's brief illness and dependence on me for her care drew us close whereas nothing else previous to that did.  

We were lucky that things did turn around for us. For many people it never does.

What happened between my mother and I was something I never thought would happen.  She suddenly showed a genuine kindness I never saw before and was very affectionate and caring towards me.  A bad diagnosis will do that with some people I guess.  I am just so glad I didn't let the past clog up that opportunity between us.  It made her passing more bearable.  

Estrangement is sure not new in my family in general.  We all grew up in a very toxic place and grudges were easily held over nothing incidents.  Most of the family learned to be professional victims, my dad and my sister be the worst with it.  I was lucky I left home early in life and had many life experiences that really helped me break that pattern myself.  The fact that my mom and I drew close in the end of her life was a miracle considering how difficult she was in general.  

Love this song btw and the lyrics are perfect for my situation right now.  Thanks for sharing it!

Thank-you Ozgirl.  I do think whatever this is with her does have old roots.  We have always been up and down,but had a certain closeness that always brought us back together.  She is someone I love dearly and feel a real loss not having her in my life right now, but know it is necessary to back away.  I wish I could fix what is wrong with her inside, but I can't.  I am hoping that by pulling away, she will figure out things on her own.