What's the best course of action when dealing with a bully, follow the rules and proper channels, or fight back and risk repercussions?

It was strictly forbidden for us to get in any kind of fight in school. And since I was more scared of my mom than of any bully, I didn't. Until Daniel the donkey showed up. I fought him, then told my mom I got attacked by an animal. Which it was not really lying. This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at January 12, 2017 12:38 PM MST

So was I unless it was a bully who wouldn't stop after taking the peaceful route.  My parents were strict about not starting fights or picking on other kids, but told me and sis to stand up to people pushing us around.  They always told us to stick up for our friends who were getting picked on for no reason  and call out friends picking on others too.

I so envy men.  They get right to the source and it's usually over with a good smack to the nose.

Is it different with women?

Hee hee...I think so.  Girls can be very nasty, psychologically.  I always half joked that if women could just duke it out and be done with it, life would go on.

On a serious note, my son endured bullying, far more than my daughter.  But they had totally different personalities.  She was outgoing and confident and he was shy and quiet.  So I know better than to say it's worse for girls.

I can identify with your son more P. I get it.

Yeh, he really went through it and we had no idea of the scope of his problems until we got him help.  The bullying was the catalyst to all that.  I'm just sorry he suffered the way he did.  By the time I witnessed it first hand one day as I went to go pick my son up from school, this little mother was ready to get out of her car and smack a few upside their heads for their unrelenting taunts.  He really tried to just "put up with it."

Only thing I remember form my experience and my sister's was that when I or one of my friends whooped or embarrassed a boy bully 9x out of 10 they stopped after their pride was knocked down.
When my sis had to deal with the girl bullies they seemed to never really let up and were more methodical, vicious, and screwing with heads. More about rumors and turning people against each other than it was with the boys.

Trust me though, being a boy wasn't all that easy either.

Your sister was lucky to have you.  My older brother never gave a shit.  If anything, he was a bully himself that my parents turned a blind eye to.

LOL.. Yeah right!  Me and my sister fought like cats and dogs on crack.  I was a bastard to her and she reveled in annoying the living hell out of me until we hit our "awkward puberty stages" then we mellowed out and liked each other.  Before that though,  we would consistently be throwing things and whacking each other with stuff, but Mom and Dad never even blinked, let alone turn a blind eye.

In grade school though we did have that relationship where we can clobber each other and say anything about the other all day long  but don't you dare do it.

If it all ended once the school years are over, maybe I'd tell my kid to "suck it up and drive on". But teaching my kid to take it now, I think teaches him or her to take it for ever. It is a lesson in bending over. What about an abusive boyfriend? A cruel boss? 
Im not saying your kid needs to go around punching people, but there are many ways to fight back.
But to just take it, that would be harder for me to take than the actual bullying. No?

On this Lago we are in absolute agreement.. this is MY daughter.. lol can you imagine she is a pussy cat? She will stand up to anyone and anything..and I have taught her that from the beginning.. she refuses to retaliate physically... and while you and I might do that, (actually i haven't ever HAD to hit anyone, my mouth is more than enough to shut most people up lol) she doesn't believe in violence in retaliation for people saying mean things - she takes the official route.. maybe that's right, maybe that's wrong.. but she's survived this far, yes damaged but arguably less so than if she/I had not reported and insisted on bullies being punished at the school..  

Unfortunately sometimes taking the official route takes a lot longer and can mean they bully more.. but the upshot is they get punished more... 

If you look i have never, ever said she does or should just take it...  she has a tough time... perhaps because she doesn't take it... 

In this case . I KNOW it will end when she leaves that school... I Know this for a reason..  I work in the college she wants to go to :P I KNOW the people in charge.. i know the people who support kids... and can you imagine anyone's gonna bully them while IM there??? so yea I promise I KNOW it will end.. and I know the college has a zero tolerance policy.. entirely different to the school.. 

I DO see what you are saying.. but when we turn this personal.. we have to remember that with the best will in the world you don't know my daughter.. lol bless her she's well cool...she wont EVER let any boyfriend abuse her... I am erm very world wise.. and she's so smart when it comes to feminism, abuse, porn, and human rights :)  oh and she even defends her friends against bullies.. it gets her bullied but she doesn't tolerate it :)

Then what's the problem?

Um... i didn't say there was one.  I just answered the question you raised and said it was a tough call :P

I do agree with the jist of what you are saying.  Protecting them from too much will set them up for real problems as adults.  But I will intervene if I see my child not coping; not able to use the skills I gave them to defend themselves.  I know first hand these things can escalate to the point of a child having incredibly poor self esteem and serious depression.  

It's a fine line between watching them grow some wings and helping them out.

(I have a special kid, he was bullied, I went thru all the channels. Nothing worked, He had black slick hair and wore round glasses, They used to call him Harry Potter. They threw things at him and really made his life miserable. On day I told him that it was ok, we did all we could, to hit the biggest one of them back. He did, but went a little overboard. They threatening to kick him out. I got a lawyer. We threatened to sue the school and to call the local news outlet. He got three days suspension. In case you wanted to know)

I've done similar... i am probably the least popular parent there..they will be glad to see the back of me.. because.. i have never allowed them to just get away with it.. sure it's happened... sure it's damaged her a lot.. BUT we have neither of us just rolled over and took it.. I threaten the school on a daily basis lol.. and this was the same.. 

Same here.  I became a nightmare to the school district that wouldn't help me stop the severe bullying my son was enduring.  I only regret I didn't act sooner.

My son has Asperger's, which we didn't know at the time.  He also has bipolar depression which would account for his inability to cope in school.  It was horrible for him because he was so bright.  He only made it to the ninth grade until he went into a special program.  Needless to say, he did get his GED, scoring in the top 5%.  He still struggles as a young adult and it's always a challenge getting him what he needs.  

It's sad when I hear him say that the worst time in his life was when he was in that school.   

Aspergers, same here. I hope things have gotten better for him. Sorry for taking so long to respond. I missed your comment the first time around. 
I truly wish you luck.

He seems to be coping with the Asperger's, but not the bipolar.  He's at a terrible age for it and it's been a challenge getting him and keeping him stable.  It's a terrible disorder, one that his own dad had but didn't get diagnosed until late in life.  It's certainly been the biggest challenge in my life being his Mom.  I can only hope he will get better with age and the right medication.

He will. 
I remember when my son was little and I didn't know about autism. I would be lecturing him and he would look at me as if thru me. I thought he was being a little a*****e! Later on I realized he didn't know how to read people's emotions or how to react to social situations. I spent many hours with him teaching him how to "fake" his way around people. 
But there was always a disconnection there. An empty look. By the time he was sixteen I had read all there was to read about Aspergers and ran an experiment.  I took him to the shed and smoked a joint with him.
That was the first time we actually "talked" with each other. The first time he was able to look at me and hold his stare. (Not promoting drug use, but at that time I was willing to try anything)
You can imagine my panicking when he told me he wanted to be an Over The Road Truck Driver.
And that's what he does. 
It does get better.