What are some examples of things people do to slow other people down?

 My sluggish driving speeds through potholed streets. Some drivers don't care about the life of their suspension and steering components. 

driving slowly in the fast lane.

also, texting when the light has changed

and everyone is beeping their horn.

...Cops give tickets for speeding.

The "Coupon Lady" at the check-out that has about a 100 that she needs the cashier to help her sort through is seriously going to slow everyone down.  

Aargh!  All that aggravation and chances are, none of the coupons are any good.

Oh, concealed trap door, concealed sniper, concealed car keys, shoes super-glued to closet floor then closet super-glued to  back of a long-distance moving van whose driver is on the run from the FBI, the CIA, the IRS and Geraldo Rivera, etc., etc.

:)

"Please put the lettuce on top of the canned goods. Last week my wheat bread was flattened by the honeydew melons."
"Yes, ma'am."
"My Harold loves the hard melons. One squeeze and he knows if they're the kind he likes, you know what that's like. He can even do it with his eyes closed."
"Yes, ma'am."
"I was sure I had one of those half-off coupons for the baked beans. Where in the world did I put it?"
"Ma'am, the line is very long and it's always best to be fully prepared before you get all the way up to . . . "
"No, that's not it, that one's for foot powder. My Harold has the absolute worse time with the first three toes on his left foot, you know."
" . . . the front of the line."
"Or is it the last three toes on his right foot?"
"Ma'am, are you ready now?"
"His aunt who lives in Cedar Crest had to have her little toes amutated, you know."
"Ma'am."
"Couldn't drive her Buick for a month, had to use the Mini Cooper."
"Are you ready to check out now? If not, I'm going to have to ask the next customer in line behind you . . . "
"Speaking of paper towels, the newspaper ad has these on sale, but they're marked at the regular price, please check on that."
" . . . to come forward."
"I believe it's the low-sodium ones."
"Low-sodium paper towels?"
"Heavens me, who ever heard of sodium in paper products? No, the baked beans! My coupon should be for the salt-free type. Where has that coupon gotten away to?"
"Listen, the next person in line only has about half the items you have, so would you be kind . . . "
"You youngsters sure don't pay attention these days. Low-sodium paper towels, what a hoot! Wait until Carolyn hears this, she'll choke on her uppers laughing so hard."
" . . . enough to move to your right and let . . . "
"Cedarbrook is much to far for me to go there all on one drive. We have to get a hotel overnight and start early the next day, you know."
"Cedar Crest."
"How's that?"
"Your Harold's aunt lives in Cedar Crest."
"Oh, so you know her! Are you from there?"
"Ma'am, a moment ago you said the auntie lives in Cedar Crest."
"Were you born there? How long has it been since you moved away? Do you still have family there, your mother, perhaps?"
"I don't even know where Cedar Crest is located, I couldn't tell you what state it's in, I've never even heard of it before you mentioned it a minute ago."
"Then how is it you claim to know my Harold's aunt? She has never set foot outside of that town her entire life. Is this your idea of getting fresh with me?"
"I'm sorry, I must have confused it with Cedar Rapids, I have a niece who attended The Harold Institute of Dry Paint there last fall. Now may we either begin to check you out, or should I ask the next customer . . . "
"Well, it certainly doesn't seem like a very funny joke to me. I'll bet you're the one who was supposed to mark down the paper towels but were too busy dreaming up unfunny jokes."
"Ma'am, if you don't mind, the other customers are waiting, and they're completely ready to check out."
"So am I. You're the one holding me up getting into my personal life and dealing stale jokes."
"Yes, ma'am, it's all me."
"Apology accepted."
"Shall I give you the total without the baked bean coupon discount?"
"Why, you robber barons aren't satisfied until you've squeezed the last cent out of us, you know. Can't I at lest have time to look for my coupon?"
"But the others behind you have been very patient . . . "
"They can wait. Oh, here it is! Low-sodium baked beans, buy 5 cans at full price, get the 6th one half price."
"But you only have one can here, ma'am."
"Oh, it's ok with me, I'll wait while you get the other 11."
"The other 11?"
"Yes. Yesterday was double coupon day, and the whole thing completely slipped my mind."
"Er, um . . . "
"Did you know that Harold Jr can't tell if a melon is hard by closing his eyes and squeezing it like his father can?"
"I can't leave the register, ma'am, and if you miss out on double coupon day, we can't honor the purchase the next day."
"So send someone. Don't you have colored boys in the back stock room?"
"Ma'am, nobody says colored any more."
"Harold Jr is actually Harold the Fourth and my Harold is the Third, but his father went to prison when my Harold was a toddler, income tax embellishment, you know. The entire family was disgraced, so they wrote him off completely, making my Harold a Senior, so our son is now Harold Jr. Before you ask about Harold the First, his story is even worse: my Harold's grandfather was 'special' in the head, you know. He thought his fingers were piano keys and wouldn't touch anything with them, said he was saving himself for Carnegie Hall. It never made a lick of sense, though, because he couldn't carry a basket in a tuna. Or is it bury a balloon in a casket? Those idiocies always confound me. They had to put him away in a sanatorium. He liked it because they had line gelatin every Thursday. Couldn't feed or bathe himself, you know, on account of the piano-key fingers."
"Embezzlement."
"God bless you. Anyway, where are my canned beans?"
"Idioms."
"You're getting fresh again, aren't you?"
"During your little speech, I took a closer look at the coupon. It's expired."
"The other cashier, the NICE one, always lets me use them even if they're expired a few days."
"This one expired over 18 months ago, and it's for a different store chain."
"Oh."
"I take it you'll pay full price."
"Lord no! I don't want them now."
"Surprise, surprise."
"Are you sure you're from Cedarmount? You don't have a stitch of a Canadian accent, you know."
"I thought it was called Cedar Cr....er, um, I must have lost my accent working here."
"Why is it taking you so long to ring me up? Do you think I want to spend the whole afternoon listening to your stories about your personal life?"
"I've been trying to ring you up but you . . . "
"Wait, take those raisins out if there, I thought their wrinkles looked funny from the start. And hold on with the eye drops, I think I have a coupon for them. Let me check my purse."
(Muttering) "Here we go again."
"How's that?"
~

Does anyone know what day it is I seem to have fallen asleep.

:)

Offer alcoholic beverage, pain pills, sleeping pills,  or pot.  I don't have any of that so at my house you can stay fast.  :)

Give them a brake and make them weight for me........ Just saying....hehe

  Wear "special-purpose" undergarments.

Its local yak day, ya-ka-te, ya-ka-te, yak!  haha :   )

where i live its people talking loud in the halls, it slows me down cause i cant focus on what im doing

be extra petty about paying the alimony.  :0)

Huh! I wish I could buy this purse but you playing, Randy! 

LOL

I'll be right there.

~

I know what kind of purse you like to carry, and I remember why we got divorced, too.

~

You!

~

Hmmm ... do you think that's how the term "newkey" got started? :)

Exist.