50+ years ... and counting. For some reason, there are some things that I've done that I cannot stop beating myself up over. Even some which had positive/desired outcomes. Probably due to my perfectionism (it could have been "perfecter"). Drives me up the wall!
Sounds like you were raised in a shame based environment---not atypical for your age. Shame makes you feel like a bad person and that you shouldn't forgive yourself until you perform an appropriate penance and display the "scarlet letter" (anyone of the 26 you choose) obviously and visibly on your chest for the required length of time..
The healthy way to regard yourself is as a basically good person who does not always do things (positive or negative / bad or good) that agree with his image of himself.
(Disclaimer---This may not work for someone like Trump)
This post was edited by tom jackson at November 13, 2020 1:18 AM MST
I don't think it was the environment I was raised in. Rather it's the fact that I'm an OCD perfectionist. That's how I'm wired. (bad wiring?) Nothing I do (no matter how "good") can ever reach my own lofty standard of perfectionism, as I keep raising that bar. Learning to lower that bar - even just a tiny bit - is extremely arduous (lots of therapy), but I'm working on it.
I have a similar problem---What has helped me is realizing that perfection functions best like garlic or salt in a dish---It should be used as only a spice in what food I serve to my audience rather than being presented as the main course.
(The only obvious exception is roasted garlic---a wonderful occasional appetizer.)
I'm really sorry to hear that m'dear. There is so little about you that isn't superdooper. Truly I mean that very bigly. Every once in a very rare while I don't agree with a view you have but other than that sometimes I think we're the same person in the way we react. I know decades separate us and life experiences too which makes our similarities all the more amazing to me. I don't beat myself up about anything. I don't see the point. I mean I'm human and imperfect and sometimes I just get it wrong. So what? I figure if I dwell on things I cannot change because they happened I'm not paying attention to now so I will screw that up too. How do I win if I'm going to keep doing that?. Anyway you're still young from my perspective. There is still hope! Thank you for your reply Shuhak and Happy Friday to thee and thine! :)
Shuhak 