Constantly. I'm always wondering, "Where did I go so wrong?" And several times a day I thank my father for poisoning my entire life with his bellowing, raging, fault finding, hate filled domination and stupidity.
- First, we need to identify the actual problem in the now. We need to know who is involved (all of them), why is there that problem (first guesses), how did we know about that problem, when, where. This is important to identify the actual problem (sometimes it seems obvious but actually is not the real problem).
- Then, we look for the causes, the root causes. "I have this problem? - why? - because ... - why? - because ... - and so on. ( = "the 5 why's")
We do that search at our pace because it goes deep.
- Then we gather the causes and identify the main one.
- Then we check if the real problem is really identified.
- Then we search potential solutions.
- Then we choose one and apply.
Ensure you've identified the actual problem to solve. What you've written about your father looks like one cause (there necessarily are others).
I keep blaming my father for several things. The main one is the disease I inherited from him, which has destroyed my life. In those times, he didn't know he had it and he undoubtedly wouldn't have ever wished to give it to me if he had known. But the fact is I have it. His behavior had a big impact on me and I've still been struggling to get back some self-confidence and else for decades.
He is not so much like he used to be, which is sort of frustrating because I'd (mostly unconsciously) like to confront the father from the past therefore to (mostly unconsciously) make him surface again. Moreover, most of us have built a personal representation of the father, which doesn't necessarily match with the real father. The inner-father can be neutralized, changed. The inner-father may be the actual target.
Also there's a notion of inherited burden. I was asked by a physician-psychotherapist to symbolically give it back to the (inner-) father. The father from the past is not any longer. The inner-father is ours, one may edit it.
Again, just focus on the bits of what I've written that may help you.
Hello. I reflect continually. I tell myself it is for a reason like drawing on experience or something like that. All we really have is NOW.
Hello. There is no goodbye actually. Only NOW.
Every morning we awaken from sleep and from our dreams and enter the state we call wakefulness. A continuous stream of thoughts, most of them repetitive, characterizes the normal wakeful state. So what is it that we awaken from when spiritual awakening occurs? We awaken from identification with our thoughts. Everybody who is not awake spiritually is totally identified with and run by their thinking mind – the incessant voice in the head. Thinking is compulsive: you can't stop, or so it seems. It is also addictive: you don't even want to stop, at least not until the suffering generated by the continuous mental noise becomes unbearable. In the unawakened state you don't use thought, but thought uses you. You are, one could almost say, possessed by thought, which is the collective conditioning of the human mind that goes back many thousands of years. You don't see anything as it is, but distorted and reduced by mental labels, concepts, judgments, opinions and reactive patterns. Your sense of identity, of self, is reduced to a story you keep telling yourself in your head. "Me and my story": this what your life is reduced to in the unawakened state. And when your life is thus reduced, you can never be happy for long, because you are not yourself.
This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at November 6, 2016 3:46 PM MST
Maybe it's more like photographing ourselves and see our whole life in the Now. We can only look "back" in the Now. So what about all those dates from the past in one's resume? And what about those people writing about their life. Fake past, actually Now? Illusions of past?
Benedict Arnold 