Active Now

Slartibartfast
Discussion » Questions » Relationships » Ever fall in love with a friend?
jbigie

Ever fall in love with a friend?

It's been awhile since I fell in love with someone I wasn't actually dating.  I thought perhaps I had outgrown that kind of emotional mix-up.  Of course, this time we're actually forming a really deep, lasting friendship.  At least it feels more like a real friendship than any other woman I've known.

Now I'm struggling with how to tell her.  How to confess feelings that are probably obvious to anyone who knows us and sees how I interact with her (one of our mutual friends figured out I was smitten when the feelings were still just developing).  And of course the eternal question of should I tell her?  Take a chance she rejects me and things get weird, or maybe she feels the same and has just been waiting for me to say something.  Those romantic comedies are no help.  The main character always gets the girl in the end, and I don't know if I am the main character or the loser comic relief guy.

Anyone else have similar stories?

Posted - November 28, 2016
Tags : love friendship

Responses


  • With great risk, comes great reward.   Go for it.
      November 28, 2016 7:50 PM MST
    5

  • Agreed!
      November 28, 2016 10:14 PM MST
    2

  • Yes.
      November 28, 2016 11:27 PM MST
    4

  • If you don't tell her, you're not going to get her. If you do, you may. 
    The math is simple. Walk up to her and tell her. Hey I like you, do you like me? 
    If she says no, hey.  Whatever.
    But she may say yes, no?
      November 28, 2016 11:16 PM MST
    4

  • Very nicely written :-)  xo
      November 28, 2016 11:30 PM MST
    2

  • Bigger kisses right back!!  It was so nice chatting with you on Thursday :-) :-)  I know Mr did too.  :-D
      November 28, 2016 11:37 PM MST
    2

  • You are to us too!  You need to come to Vancouver, we might not let you go home though!  :-)
      November 28, 2016 11:42 PM MST
    2

  • 7939
    Indeed. The best loves are the ones that start out as friends. Those are the ones that mark you for life, whether you take the plunge or leave things as they are. Whoever she is, you'll remember her years from now, regardless of the outcome. 

    I second or third or fourth (whatever number we're at) the notion that you should tell her. You don't have to confess your full feelings, but at least test the waters. Ask her if she's ever thought about how the two of you would be as a couple. Good luck!
      November 29, 2016 2:15 AM MST
    4

  • Yes, and almost 20 years later she's still my best friend and we're married.  

    If nothing had happened and we'd remained separate my life (and I think, in an unguarded moment, she might agree hers too) would not have been as 'good'.

    I've made several really bad decisions in my life and a few good ones.  This is the best one, by far.
      December 3, 2016 5:13 AM MST
    0

  • 3
    Update in case anyone is curious:

    I had decided to talk to her about these feelings and find out if she shared them, and I was going to wait until after final exams, so no matter the outcome, it shouldn't be a distraction to her.  (we are both students at OSU)  She had some surgery scheduled the day after her last finals, so I wasn't able to hang out right away.  I offered help while she recovered, if she needed anything.  A couple of days ago, I let her know about my holiday plans to visit family, and expressed a desire to see her before I left, since I knew she was planning to visit family as well, and might not be back until just before the next term's classes start.

    I didn't hear anything from her for a couple of days, and sent her another message asking if she had any plans tonight or tomorrow, before I leave town.  I received a reply that was not what I wanted to hear.  In my concern after her surgery and sincere desire to help her if she needed anything, and my desire to have this very important conversation, I perhaps came on a little strong.

    What I had hoped to be a face to face conversation turned into a short text exchange.  At least now I know, and I can work on putting it behind me.  The good news is that we have been building a good friendship, so with a little time, the awkwardness should pass and we can be just friends.
      December 12, 2016 9:40 PM MST
    0

  • Let it go dude, what is this friendship nonsense, get a dog. 
    She doesn't want you like that and you're going to spend your time begging and making her sick of you. 
    Let it go. If there is any chance of this girl looking at you differently, you need to let her miss you.
      December 18, 2016 5:04 AM MST
    0