How reliable are first impressions/snapshot judgments? How many times have you changed your opinion about people drastically?

Thank you for the compliment sweetie. I appreciate it! I read something on that recently which really surprised me. It said that generally and quite often first impressions are dead on accurate! If you know what to look for! So there ya go! As for your reply I totally agree with thee. Thinking you click and operating on that assumption for awhile only to find out there was something pretty nasty lurking there all the time is unsettling to say the least and very hurtful to say the most.! It makes one wonder "what did I miss?" Thank you for your reply PeaPod! :) ((hugs))

You are quite welcome Rosie.  I have certainly gotten better in judging others with age, but I still can get it wrong on occasion.  Some people are very good at putting out a certain image and being overly suspicious of that is not healthy either.  Somewhere we have to find a middle.  Take our times getting to know people.  If they are people we grew up with, sometimes we have to step back and try and look at things in a detached manner.  Not easy for some of us.  

True. As we all know no one promised us a Rose Garden without thorns! :) No one said it would be easy. And getting old isn't for wimps! Thank you for your reply PeaPod! :)

It's not easy for any of us that tend to feel things quite intently.  There are times I wish I was born with a sort of indifference to my surroundings.  

That is exactly when I love being wrong.  It's human to get the wrong initial impression by looks only.  

I experienced that exact same thing m'dear. Years ago I lived in an apartment that required painting. So for 3 days two guys showed up and painted it. The first day the head guy was fearsome-looking. From his neck to his arms he had tats. Folks with tats always looked very tough to me. I mean it must hurt like he** to get them so anyone who can stand that pain must be tough as nails. BUT and here comes the good part. The head guy had the same taste in music as I did...jazz and classical. We shared a common love of foods. I mean when a stranger is underfoot for hours at a time for 3 days you chat as you each do your work. He was an ex-Marine I believe and very cultured, smart and polite!  That taught me that people are not their skin or their piercings (he had none of those that I could see). People are what they share with you of whom they are. We hugged when he left after the third day and I really learned a lot from him. So I totally understand your reply because I've been there too! It is enlightening! Thank you for your reply whistle and Happy Wednesday m'dear! :) This post was edited by RosieG at March 15, 2017 10:07 AM MDT

Thank you for your very thoughtful and informative answer tom. If it's not being too nosy may I ask why you were not allowed to participate in normal social interactions as a child? That seems abusive to me. Happy Wednesday! :)

One of my mother's favorite "punishments" was "grounding" me---for doing what all children do as they grow from 8 to 14 years of age.

She was 37 when she had me in 1945.  

She neither had, nor did she ever develop, any parenting skills.

Oh dear. She was clearly not ideal "mom" material but you wouldn't be here otherwise so good for her for having you and good for you for having survived her! You know what they say. What doesn't break you makes you stronger. I'm not sure I buy it but it sure sounds good, doesn't it? Thank you for the additional info tom. I appreciate it! :) This post was edited by RosieG at March 15, 2017 10:55 AM MDT

You're welcome.

I suspect she did the best she could---her parents didn't provide her with very many life skills.

She had her own issues to overcome as best she could. 

And so it goes. That is part of the traditions we receive from our parents and hand down to our children. A never-ending cycle. Some folks successfully break the cycle. Some just keep repeating it! :)

I was determined to marry and have children---I was sure it raising a child could be done well. 

I spent a lot of time in the psychology department when I was in college undoing what had been done to me.

I also took courses in sociology and child psychology.

My boys are 52, 47, and 35.  

When they had kids, they wanted to know the names of the books that I had read to raise them so they could do the same for their children.

The best one, hands down, was Your Child's Self Esteem by Dorothy Corkille Briggs 

I have one son who is 51. Jim has 2. One is 55, the other 58! You went about it perfectly in my opinion. The highest compliment a parent can get from their kids is that they want to raise their children as they were raised. Of course you already know that tom! Thanks for sharing more of yourself. I appreciate that. Some folks stay very closed off which is fine. Their choice. I enjoy talking with anyone who is polite, thoughtful and helpful. But knowing a little more gives more dimension to the interactions. More colors. Ever read "Make Way for Ducklings" to your kids? At the time my son was born we lived in Massachusetts. The book's setting is Boston Garden where the Swan Boats are so it was very popular where we lived and I believe won the Caldecott Medal for excellence in children's literature. As he was growing up I bought him a hot wheel and a book each week. I taught him how to read at an early age and he got his library card at the age of 3. He is a college professor in Honolulu now so I think getting him to read early helped. It certainly didn't hurt! Thank you for your friendly and informative reply tom!  Your kids and grandkids are very lucky to have you! :)

Some folks have really excellent instincts DdbTD. You are probably one of them. Some folks are very naive/open. I think I tend to be that way. Others are very closed off and distrustful. I don't think I could be that way if you paid me the big bucks! I am always me. I can't pretend to be anyone else. I'm direct and honest and I try not to be rude but I don't always achieve being what I try to be. So if someone likes me there will be no surprises. You get what you see. I think we tend to expect from others what we give to others but of course that is not true at all. So I guess it's a crap shoot and sometimes you win and sometimes you don't! Thank you for your thoughtful reply. Good luck with that person who is on your radar. He/she is giving off something that is putting you on guard. :) This post was edited by RosieG at March 15, 2017 10:08 AM MDT

"People are just fine, just not YOUR cuppa tea m'dear? There are 4 here who are or who aren't? Apologies JB but I'm not exactly sure I understand where you're coming from! Thank you for your reply and Happy Wednesday! :)

Aww that sucks.. sorry to hear that... I DO hope i am not one of them, I've no reason to think I am.. but sorry to hear about the rest.. I had a similar experience last weekend..someone I liked and thought seemed ok with me suddenly turned on me.. it was a shock.. I said so.. and the person said they doubted i even had feelings enough to experience shock.. all very sad.. 

But take heart.. there are good people here too..genuine ones

Of course not, I meant that everyone is fine and okay. I just don't respond to certain topics or the discussions that always follow an agenda.  

Ahh ok sorry for misunderstanding