I think the things people "have" to learn on their own, they usually do. I was just talking to my son about this the other day. He struggled with high school- part of it was the material, but a lot of it had to do with him not liking authority and not wanting to apply himself. I tried everything I could to "motivate" him at the time. I took away everything. No games. No internet. No phone. No going out. If he refused to do his work, I made him "homeless." I literally locked him out of his room and told him he couldn't have his room back until he applied himself- the logic being if he skipped work as an adult, he really would be homeless. Nothing worked. Nothing.
These days, most of my discussions with him surround preparing for a life of adulthood. How to save, how to spend, how to budget, how to prepare for the worst, how to stack the deck, so you survive the deluge of crap life throws at you. He listens politely, but he mostly tunes me out.
He eventually moved into an online high school, and it's hard. He really has to motivate himself and he has to teach himself the material because there's nobody spoon-feeding him lessons. He lamented that he would have had a much easier time with high school if he just would have applied himself and sucked up the "injustices" served by the teachers. It was a great teaching point because I could use that to demonstrate that Mom sometimes knows what she's talking about, and he should listen. lol But, at the same time, I recognize he isn't going to. He has to carve out his own path. He's going to get burned in a lot of the ways I've been trying to prevent, and that's ok. I think once he's in these situations I've prepared him for, he's going to realize it and hopefully draw on what I've taught him, so the damage will be minimized and/or he'll bounce back quicker. However, having the first-hand experience, and getting into those situations, is necessary for self-development and growth.
That's a frustrating situation but as you know, sometimes they do have to stumble to learn. It really is a crucial life lesson. Sounds like you've done everything possible as a parent. I often wonder what a difference one good teacher could make in the lives of students having trouble in school. But those teachers seem to be so few and far between.
What prompted the question is my facing some painful realities of growing older and having to seriously concentrate on keeping my mouth shut when I'm around younger people and am tempted to say something about that. Because they'll learn those lessons in due time. No need for me to rain on their parade.
Who to fall in love with. You can give them advise on relationships, but chances are they will not follow it. You shouldnt even try, because there are two things in life you cannot control. Who your parents are, and who you fall in love with.
I think most things are better left for them to learn on their own. You can give advice based upon your experiences but, to them, without the benefit of having the practical application of an experience, any advice given to young people sounds like this:
And it's really only because they simply don't have a context in which to make sense of it.
This post was edited by Harry at September 11, 2017 2:31 PM MDT
In days bygone many Listen to their elder’s advice. Not because they are always right but because they had more experiences of being wrong… Nobody hardly listens to the elders now... Still, (then and now) some things are better learned through experience...
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