.
I don't take anything about me serious, when a stranger writes/says it. I laugh at people's LAME words when thrown around about me. It just proves ho desperate some fools really are.
Let them go find a hobby!!
It can be a very unpleasant shock when someone says something negative.
But I try to understand their comment from their point of view.
Sometimes it gives me a BFO - Blinding Flash of the bleeding Obvious - always useful.
If I think there's nothing constructive in further exchanges with them,
from that point on, I don't respond to their questions and answers.
To an extent, many (including me) don't like to read negative or unfounded comments about the self and there is a bity of a mystery as to what observers may think. Beyond that, when one considers the source, there is no real reason to take such comments seriously.
They operate out of complete ignorance. They don't anything about you. So anything they say is worthless if said to attack/hurt/insult. Now if you can engage with them in cordial conversation and they tell you they enjoyed the chat you can take that to the bank because you probably enjoyed it too. It's the negative nellies and neds who need to be ignored. They often get off on it and are one-trick ponies. No one should ever take
them seriously. Thank you for your reply SA! :)
Considering that they operate from complete
ignorance and don't know you at all anything they say to attack/insult is worthless. I don't pay attention to them. Once Identified I don't engage with them. They operate from hate. Emotion drives them. You cannot reason with someone like that so why try? Thank you for your reply hartfire! :)
They are ignorant. They don't know you. People who insult strangers operate from emotion not intellect. It is impossible to reason with them so I don't bother trying. Years ago I used to waste my time trying to understand the why of the attack but it was hopeless
. Thank you for your reply elizabeth! :)
For 99% of the time I agree with you, and I also ignore them.
But once in a rare while, there's something in that negativity that I find really worth listening to, some lesson I can pick up.
Here's a story that's not quite on point, but it shows that sadists can have another side.
When I was a teenager at boarding school, there was a group of girls who operated as team bullies. They virtually lorded it over everyone else in our year group and got away with it full time whenever teachers were not around. One of the leaders was a girl with a particularly vicious tongue, not short of nasty practical jokes either. I hated her with a ferocity that's difficult to describe. I went out of my way to avoid her as much as possible.
Then one day, my father died. The house mistress gave me the news, pumped me full of over sweet tea and aspirin and sent me off to bed. Not used to aspirin, I slept twelve hours, and so the house mistress decided to send someone to wake me up. She had a reason for picking that particular person but she had no way of knowing the girl was my arch nemesis.
I woke up at the feel of someone holding my hand. It was Tanya. The shock was excruciating. Stuck in my bed, I had nowhere to run.
Then she told me that her father had died and how it felt. She kept holding my hand. My fear and hatred of her melted away. After that, she was never hurtful to me again.
I have had similar experiences hartfire. One time years ago I walked into a drugstore and bought something. I felt hostility immediately from the clerk who was bew. I didn't know her but she was rude and short with me. In those days I gave back as good as I got. I was still very young and immature. It was the only drugstore that was convenient to me so we had several testy interactions. Then I decided to make her my friend. And slowly by slowly she came around and while we never became best friends we were on a
hugging basis and enjoyed our chats . We had much in common. So I know what can happen if you decide to make it happen. I also know a lost cause when I encounter it. I'm a lot older now and I have neither the patience nor the inclination to suffer through having someone "come around". Thank you for your reply and Happy Friday! :)
Seriously? You ask me why I ask questions about those who are rude/insulting/vulgar/derogatory/dismissive/condescending/racist/bigoted/hatemongers? I use everything I encounter every day Baba. I question everything. I have yet to receive a satisfying answer to "why are people rude?" Can you answer that question? I observe/experience/imagine many things. My goal is learn about what I don't know especially with the goal of learning WHY? I have also asked "why do people hate" many times in different forms over the years both at Answerbag and Answermug. I have never hated anyone or anything in my life. I do not know what hate feels like but I do know what hate can do. So perhaps you will be the one to educate me in a logical and substantive and comprehensive manner why people hate and why they are rude. I'm waiting for you to be the definitive source so I never have to ask those questions again. Apparently they annoy you. You can stop me
by answering them. WHY DO PEOPLE HATE? WHY ARE PEOPLE RUDE. Is it a deal? Thank you for your question. Did I answer it?
People tend to be rude when they're angry- anger can make many people temporarily callous - regretfully myself included.
Hatred is caused by long inhibited anger - the source or cause of the anger has not been resolved, so it keeps on growing until it becomes out of proportion to the original issues, and can become dangerous.
All anger is a secondary emotion. Underneath it is always one or more of three feelings that trigger it - pain (physical or emotional,) fear (perceived threat to ego or the physical self,) or toxic shame in denial (the knowledge of having done something wrong but misperceived as "I-am-wrong" which translates into a desire to push it away and deny it.)
Rosie, I've recently seen a reply by JA to another question.
She makes an excellent point that the troll-like characters here are not the worst of the trolls (who have been eliminated) but people who actually haven't a clue about what they are doing wrong. She describes them as "NPD." I think she is probably right.
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder don't know they have it because they lack insight. They have an unrealistically inflated sense of their own importance, a compulsive need for admiration (attention will do as a substitute) and a lack of empathy for others. They boast and project an image of high confidence but also overreact to the slightest criticism.
If you think about how these characteristics could lead to rude and negative commentaries, it suddenly becomes a lot easier to understand.
I have never hated anyone or anything in my life hartfire and those who do scare me. They are loose cannons that could go off at any time for any reason in any direction. You can NOT engage them logically because the hate takes over everything including the ability to engage in sensible discussion. As for anger I have been furious only once in my life. I was 14. I was so furious I stormed out of the house through the utility room which had a door with a glass window on top. I slammed my hand through the glass and broke it! That shocked me. I scared myself. I vowed right then to never allow myself to get so angry ever again and I never did. Anger can be controlled. All it takes is wanting to do so. It can also be unleashed and used as a excuse for a multitude of bad behavior. I don't buy any of it. Unless you are mentally dysfunctional or emotionally immature anyone can control anger. Therefore there is never an excuse to be rude. I can only go by my own experience hartfire. I cannot relate to those whose anger overtakes them and changes them into disgraceful/insulting/cruel human beings. Thank you for your thoughtful and helpful answer! :) There seems to be an uptick in the number of folks with NPD. Not a good sign! :(
