Some folks can turn an obstacle into an opportunity. They succeed IN SPITE OF rather than because of. Do you appreciate what is easy for you to achieve as much as what isn't? Why?

Easy to tell the difference between what I can't do and which things I can do relatively easily.

But to turn an obstacle into an opportunity - the idea boggles -- how?

Why ?

It never occurred to me that I could.

I find it difficult to believe too, Hartfire. Some people are able to see the course past the obstacle, perhaps a different route to that they had originally set.

Others, including me, will really try something but if it's clearly impossible personally after a few valiant attempts, there is no point in wasting further time and effort on it.  

It depends on two things:

 1)  External factors - money or time available, commitments more important than the desired goal, and so on.

  2)  Internal - your own ability and character. I believe we all have a definite, though hidden, limit on our ability to learn how to do any given thing. Some are brilliant concert pianists while others would struggle to play Colonel Bogey on a Swanney Whistle. Other might be gifted mathematicians but be semi-illiterate - or vice-versa.

   Similarly, a weakness like a phobia may debilitate you. You will never walk on the mountains or swim the length of a standard sports-pool, however much you wish to do so, if you are frightened of heights or water. (I can't take exposed heights and can't float, re-inforcing a life-long fear of water with real survival necessity.)

So those who succeed as RosieG says, have both high ability for the study or activity, and the ability to see and exploit alternative routes to bypass the obstacles. 

I have try to appreciate what is easy for me, because usually the result counts more than ease or difficulty; but if I am to succeed at all it must be readily within my limits of ability. From long and sometimes bitter experience I am now fairly good at assessing the likely personal outcome of proposed activity before attempting it. I find that if I do try a few times and fail in great disappointment, my mind slams the lid on that activity in a sort of self-defence. Once my brain says "impossible" it will not risk further stress on it. 

Actually I have a theory that our ability to learn anything is rather like filling a range of buckets on a beach, with water; each bucket representing a specific field or activity, or detail part of one of those; so each bucket has its own capacity totally independent of the others. Once a bucket is full, adding more water achieves no greater volume saved. The new additions merely overflow and are lost in the sand.

There are two very serious points to this.

  1) So-called "pushy" parents are actually being very selfish and cruel because they are using an imagined "gift" or so-called "potential" in the child to extend their own (the parents') egos or snobbery.

   2), and more generally... Among the worst things you can say to anyone struggling to learn or do something they find difficult, are "It's easy - anyone can do it!" and "You can do anything if you put your mind to it!" Whether such remarks are mere insensitivity based on incomprehension of individual ability, or are downright lies, depends on the individuals and the situations. 

You have never experienced it hartfire? Have you never turned an enemy into a friend? I have. It worked because I was determined to make it work.  When I attended UCLA briefly many decades ago I was going to apply for a part-time job at the local Bullock's department store in Westwood. I told my roomate and she told me not to bother because they weren't hiring. I went in and applied anyway and was hired. It was a lot of fun while it lasted and when I gave notice the department manager offered me a job in her department and wanted me to take specific courses in merchandising. I was very flattered at that but I declined since retailing was not my professional goal. Every time I'm challenged or told I can't do something I try anyway.  Maybe it's because I'm stubborn and I believe you don't know if you can succeed unless you try. I don't take other people's word for anything. I find out for myself. Maybe the harder the goal the more one appreciates it. If is attained too easily maybe it isn't appreciated as much. Thank you for your reply hartfire. All someone has to tell me is "you can't do that" and I'm good to go and prove them wrong! Happy Saturday! :)

Please read my reply to hartfire Durdle. I have a long history of turning obstacles into opportunities. I'm stubborn. Just tell me "no you can't do that" and off I go and try to prove him/her wrong. Thank you for your reply and Happy Saturday.

Ah, Rosie, you've made an opposite point to one of mine, and in doing so shown one way in which people achieve their aims by by-passing or overcoming the obstacles.

I said some people do that, but not how they do. You've given how you do.

My points were that others are unable to overcome the obstacles for any of many reasons, and they are may be further discouraged by being belittled by the "anyone can do it" nonsense.

For no, it is not true that "anyone" can do whatever it is they attempt. You need to possess either the required foundation skills, knowledge, nerve etc, or you must be capable of gaining those qualities, to have any chance of success.

To give two personal examples:

 1) I am weak at "doing" mathematics because I cannot learn how to "do" maths.  I have the nerve, and allegedly had an unusually high IQ - but I do not have sufficient basic skills or the ability to gain them.

  I was not helped by a rather sarcastic school-teacher who'd shout to the whole class his mantra: "Maths is easy! It's you who make the difficulties!" That sort of talk would destroy the confidence of an Einstein or Hawking, never mind a Durdle.

  In turn I could not follow my original dream of becoming a professional scientist or engineer - very highly mathematical fields. (I was inspired by my Dad, a degree-holding Chartered Electrical Engineer working in that field as a Civil Service scientist; and also very practical at anything from electronics assembly to brick-laying. To anyone spotting the technical pun... it was deliberate!) )

I had to try to be content with semi-skilled factory posts after failing a technical apprenticeship; and nearing retirement as a glorified office cleaner and errand-"boy".

  2). My nick-name Durdle is inspired by a coastal feature not very far from my home town - it's a rock arch called Durdle Door.

   There are footpaths along the coast, but I cannot easily or enjoyably negotiate some parts of the route because they are very 'exposed', and although I possess the appropriate equipment, map-reading knowledge and hill-walking experience, I have no 'nerve', meaning here a  head for heights.

So to answer your questions: Yes I do appreciate my achievements. Why? because I enjoy the satisfaction and sense of achievement although obviously their ability levels are what others might regard as little more than those of a novice.   

You told Hartfire that being told you would not be able to do something makes you determined to prove your critic wrong. Fine - you are by no means alone. We agree there then, that others' assessments of us are not necessarily reliable.

Your critic told you not to bother but was wrong - you were sure she would be, and proved it.

However, anyone telling me I would not be able to do something he or she finds easy is probably right - but I already know by being able to assess its difficulty and my ability, or the obstacles and my ability to overcome them, from experience.

You also point to the need to try. Obviously if don't try you won't succeed anyway, but merely trying is not enough. If you lack the innate, background ability, you can try all you like but will still fail.  Your reply to Hartfire shows you could gain a degree - I do not and never had the ability even to obtain the appropriate entry qualifications taught in British schools as foundation-courses for universities. My intellectual bucket analogy came from considering why not.

You proved your friend wrong by doing what she thought impossible.

I proved my teacher wrong by being unable to learn what he was paid to teach me. He kept telling me it is "easy" but I think he failed in turn to recognise Mathematics is too hard for me.  

He did not care as long as the class exam-pass rate was satisfactory to his employers. He was paid to teach maths, we were not paid to learn.

(I found an end-of-term School Report when clearing my deceased parents' home. God knows why they'd kept it! Anyway the cheeky blighter had written in it, "Has large gaps in basic [maths] knowledge that need addressing". He had never helped me address them because he was interested only in those for whom [learning] "maths is easy"! Last laugh to me, for mere ability at a subject is not ability to teach it.)

Have a great weekend,

Durdle.

What a thoughtful and comprehensive reply Durdle! Thank you very much for taking the time to reply to my reply to another respondent. Here's the thing. You have to know your limitations. I know mine. You also have to be willing to fail. Failure has never bothered me because I learn from it . I have achieved things I didn't think I could do. Why?   Because along the way there were people who saw something in me and believed in me. The best boss I ever had GOADED me into reaching higher than I thought could. There was a point where I was constantly angry at him. He FORCED me to try to figure things out on my own and if I did try very hard and still couldn't do it he would help me. But he didn't allow me to be lazy or rely on him for answers. He is by far the smartest person I have ever known and the one who gave me confidence in myself. I was a painfully shy child. I also skipped a few grades so I was much younger than the others kids. They really though I was kinda weird and I guess I was because I LOVED school and counted the days till summer would be over so I could back and learn some more. All I wanted when I was young was to be invisible in the classroom though. There are still bits and pieces of that little girl inside. But because of the folks who believed in me I came out of my shell. I learned to try hard and push myself and reach higher. But I have a fear of heights so no skydiving for me. I would love to be a Quantum Physicist but I'm not smart enough so all I can do is read books about it and absorb what I'm able to absorb. I took an aptitude test once and I scored so low on social services they couldn't measure it . In other words   I'm not patient enough or I guess not caring enough to devote  my life to serving other people. I scored high in verbal tests and fairly high in math. I ended up being an Internal Auditor and in-house accountant and LOVED it. I started out as a Liberal Arts major but what do you do with that to earn a living?  So that's my story. My 3rd grade teacher became a life-long family friend. I have been blessed to have such folks in my life. Without them I have no idea who I would be today..  When people tell me I can't do something I know it is not for my benefit. It is for theirs. They can't do it and they don't want others to do it.  I also know that when folks encourage me to keep doing what I'm doing they are in my corner and want me to succeed.  Guess which ones are my friends and which ones aren't? Anyway thanks for always making  the time I spend with you so valuable and worthwhile. I always look forward to chatting with you and smile when I see your moniker! Happy Sunday Durdle!  :) ((hugs))

Thank you Durdle,

I feel deeply touched by your reply.

You said what I wanted to say.

You shared the psychological reality of how extremely difficult, impossible, it is or can be, to step out of self-image.

Implied in what you write is a crucial issue, the gaps of knowledge (in basic maths skills) - I have the same. I also suffered the same in ball skills.

A boy I went to kindergarten with could count to a hundred when he walked through the gates on day one, because his parents had taught him at home and made it fun. He grew rapidly in math skills because he started with an advantage. And he ended up as one of the country's top skin specialists.

A good student can learn well irrespective of how bad the teacher is.

But a good teacher can teach all students irrespective of their innate ability or the level of prior learning. They put special effort into helping the ones that most need it.

I also relate to Rosie's way of responding to a challenge. There are one or two things people told me I couldn't do, and I went ahead and did them anyway - but I started from knowing that I had some talent in that area, and i had some idea of how to go about achieving the rest.

I think Rosie's question is an important one for all of us to consider - but I don't think there's any fixed answer because people's circumstances vary so greatly.

Could a man stricken with Ebola get up and walk simply because he was determined to overcome the disadvantage?

Thank you very much, both you and Rosie.

As you say there cannot be a fixed answer, and what may work for one won't necessarily work for another.