Years ago on Answerbag a member said he only wanted "nice" people to answer his questions. I would never require you to be "nice". Are ya?

Here's where we are different my friend. One whack and I leave and avoid from then on. I don't tolerate being whacked and I have minus zero interest in whacking back. Avoidance and ignoring timewasting combatants suits me to a T.  Don't have to waste myself on them getting nowhere tit for tat. Some live for that. I'm not one of that some. Carry on! Thank you for your reply L! :)

I have discovered that on occasion, because it is difficult to determine some intentions via on line comments when you can see body language or facial expression or even tone of voice, someone will make a comment that I interpret as a personal attack when they didn't really mean that at all.  If they tell me I misunderstood, I will let it go.  But, they only get that one shot.

Very Good my friend. I expect you are familiar with the Charles Schulz comic strip PEANUTS. You know how Lucy keeps promising to hold the football for Charlie Brown to kick and at the last minute she ALWAYS pulls it away so he falls flat on his back? Every single time? Yet for some reason Charlie is is so naive and forgiving he believes her so he keeps letting her keep doing her thing. Some folks are like that. Not thee and me and others like us too. Maybe that is the same kind of naivete of those whose mates continue to abuse them and apologize and promise to never do it again and do it again and sometimes kill them. Is that being gullible/hopeful/forgiving/stupid? Maybe all of the above. Thank you for your reply L! :)

Very likely all of the above.  Some woman who keep going back to the abusive man somehow feel they deserve it.  Something in their lives has made them believe they are lesser people than they are.

It may be that their fathers were abusive to their mothers and they just grew up thinking that was just the way life is for women. Sad if so. Thank you for your reply L and Happy Monday! :)

That, too.  Happy Monday. :)

That first sentence.  If we all practiced that?  This world would be heaven on earth.

I think the truly nice folks cannot be otherwise lavender. It is their nature to be that way and so they may get hurt more often than folks like me who can be very nice but also remove myself entirely and stay away forever more. I figger if he/she can do it to you once  it is quite likely he/she will do it to you again. Once my trust is gone I have nothing left in the tank so I move on and let them do whatever they do without me. If they get their kicks kvetching and whining and complaining and attacking and insulting let them! No skin off my nose! I simply don't care. What I don't know can't bother me. I finallhy figured that out after a few years of getting black and blue. I'm done with that. I have other fish to fry, other follks with whom I look forward to chatting cordially and comfortably. Why would I want to waste my time doing anything else either here on Ansermug or elsewhere in my "real" life? A rhetorical question of course. I hope your kindness and trust is never abused lavender. Mine has been so I moved on. Thank you for your reply!:)

That is a great outlook, Rosie, and one that I believe as well and have been trying to put into action.    My nature has always been to fight back, but I don't want to do that anymore. It's exhausting and fruitless, and it gives them a kind of control they don't deserve.   Yet, I find myself doing just that sometimes, as was the case in a recent thread.  People's callousness and other negative views and actions will always disappoint me.  People will always be disappointing in general at one time or another, in one way or another.  I have to remember that people like that are probably hurting.  Hurting people hurt people. Reacting to them in an equally negative way will not change them.   I feel for them, however I cannot help them, so distance is best. This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at November 18, 2018 8:37 AM MST

I sadly don't remember his name but he was a FIXTURE on Answerbag Sharon. If I do ever remember his moniker I will let you know. I thought asking people to be nice was an invitation to the jacka**es on the site to attack him. I don't know if they ever did but asking people to be nice is insulting if they are nice and a red flag if they aren't. So I don't. I assume people will be civil. Nice I don't need to talk to folks though it is always nice to chat with those who are nice. Civil is mandatory and those who not civil? Dealbreaker. I just practice avoidance. Ignoring those who show up just to be not nice is easily done so I do it. Let them have their kicks and feel oh-so-awesome when they show up to bond with one another and attack bandwagon style. Some folks get juiced up by doing that and since I ignore them I have no dog in that fight. SIGH. Thank you for your reply! :) This post was edited by RosieG at November 18, 2018 4:35 AM MST

There is such a person here with that name beginning with an R on Answermug Kenz but it is not the same person that I recall. But my memory has been affected by a bout with cancer in 2008. Chemo does that to ya so you may be right! Gosh long time no see! Are ya doin' okey dokey? Thank you for your helpful reply m'dear and Happy Sunday. How did you happen to see the question? I'm isolated here as a last choice and not listed alphabetically. Anyway it matters not. Hope the years have been very kind to you Kenz!:) ((hugs)) This post was edited by RosieG at November 18, 2018 4:59 AM MST

I know the other guy you mean, Rosie, and I know it's not the same person. I had no idea about your illness, I hope you are OK now. I saw this question on the home page when I logged in. Happy Sunday! :) ((hugs))

You DID? I never go outside my corner m'dear so I had no idea. Anyway I'm last on the list of choices/selections FYI. I kinda like it. I had a 14% chance of surviving 5 years and here I am ten years later doing fine and dandy! Percentages are never reliable. I just got discharged by my oncologist after ten years. I do have a gynacologist whom I shall see for twenty years so I have ten more years to go with him. Thanks for the info Kenz. My memories of Answerbag are mostly warm and friendly and I miss those days a lot. I think we had something special going the first few years. Answermug is fine. Some of the same folks from Answerbag moved here so I still can chat with some of our old crowd. And there are very fine new folks I've met here who are really spiffy! Hope you like it here sweetie! :) This post was edited by RosieG at December 28, 2018 5:13 AM MST