The neighborhood kids gravitated towards our house---we respected them and let them safely be themselves.
One boy once saw some hard-boiled eggs in the refrigerator and asked if he could have one. I said, "yes," and then he hesitated. "Do I have to eat the yolk?" he asked. I said, "No, you don't."
He ran over to me, hugged me, and said, "I love you, Tom."
Oh my goodness tom. My eyes are a bit misty hearing that. I can only imagine what HIS parents were like and I wonder how he turned out? I was a single mom from the time my son was 3. He had a lot of friends and I overheard him on the phone one day to a friend...he was in his mid-teens at the time. "Why don't you come over to my house. It's NICER here"! I was shocked. Not that he thought his home was nice but that he would articulate that. He was always very cognizant of people's feelings. He said it very matter-of-factly. The guys did kinda congregate at our house a lot. I loved it. It had been a dream of mine that whatever home I'd have futurely would be where people liked to "hang out". So congrats to you for providing such a home! Thank you for sharing that. I just wonder about people who are so controlling that their kids dare not be whom they are around them? :(
That boy was one of 5 children. The parents were not what I would call "bad" parents, but when it came to food, individual taste was not given a high priority.
Unfortunately, this child had some congenital issues that the parents never explained (and we never asked); and he died (not unexpectedly) when he was seventeen.
I am sorry to hear that. His life was short and probably not terribly easy or happy so maybe his early release from it was a GODsend. Thank you for your reply Tom! :)
Parenting is as much a part of our own growing up as anything else. I have a son of 39 and a daughter of 33, both married and parents of one child each. I no doubt made my share of parental errors in raising my son, in that in some matters I unreasonably expected perfection from him, which he couldn't give; and there were a few occasions - not many - when I did lose my temper and "corrected" him physically, though not too severely or harshly. Afterwards I would feel guilty that I didn't control myself. This happened, as I said, a few times, say until he was about 9 or 10.
With my daughter, I can tell you with hand on heart that in her 33 years there's never been even a single instance of that sort. I guess I "grew up" in a manner of speaking.
One day, when he was 18 and she 12, my son says: "Dad, there had been occasions when I did not come up to your standards, and you beat me; she also has let you down several times, but you haven't raised your hand ever. Just beat her ONCE when the next occasion arises, and I'll consider you've treated both of us equally." I replied: "Son, because I made mistakes with you, does not mean I should deliberately make those mistakes with her. I realised the error of my earlier ways, and learnt from them. I'm sorry I can't comply with your request." "Not even just once?" "Not even just once."
Today, if his wife loses her cool with their son, he reminds her of this story to get her to hold back her own hand. And this tells ME that I've been forgiven.
That is a remarkably honest admission m'dear. I hit my son ONCE. He was 3. The terror I saw in his eyes shocked me and I never did it again. I think those who say they were hit by their parents when they were young and they" turned out alright" is a lie. If they raise their hands to their children they certainly did not "turn out alright". They use parenting as an excuse for physical abuse. I don't recall one instance of my parents ever raising a hand to me or my younger sister. I guess your parents hit you so you thought hitting your kids was how parents are supposed to be. Well hitting is physical abuse and the hitter is a physical bully. I'm glad you learned how not to be a bully. Thank you for your reply WT and Happy Tuesday to thee. I still see in my mind's eye that look of terror in my son's eyes that day. He was 3. He is 53 now. I will die seeing that picture in my head. How parents can beat their kids and live with themselves I do not know nor do I wish to know. :(
tom jackson 