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Discussion » Statements » Rosie's Corner » Crushingly sad. What you ask? When your intention is ENTIRELY positive/supportive and it is received as a negative what hope is there?
RosieG

Crushingly sad. What you ask? When your intention is ENTIRELY positive/supportive and it is received as a negative what hope is there?

When complimenting someone makes them uncomfortable or suspicious of your motives what's the point of being truthful/honest?

I cannot believe the reaction I got to asking about compliments. Exactly the opposite of what I expected. Sadly so. Well there you are. People will never be able to communicate honestly if they completely mistake intentions.
Solution? Just shut the f*** up. That way no one can take what you don't say in the wrong way. Okay. Got it!

Posted - June 10, 2019
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Responses


  • 6023
    If you spend your formative years surrounded by people who only compliment/praise you when they want something ... you are going to believe that is the norm. 

    "You're so great with children", right before they tell you they volunteered you to babysit. 

    "You play the piano so beautifully", right before saying you were volunteered to play for the church.

    "You always get good grades.  Why don't you join our honor society?"
      June 10, 2019 10:04 AM MDT
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  • 113301
    You are presuming that all those compliments are lies aren't you Walt? That none of them is true. We know when we "deserve" a compliment and when we don't. Don't we?  We know if we excel at something or suck at it don't we? If someone compliments you on a strength you have that someone needs I don't see the problem at all. You can say "thank you for the compliment but I am unable to do what you volunteered me for". What's wrong with that? If someone compliments me on my ability to communicate that is one thing. If he/she compliments me on my great athletic ability or astonishing sense of direction or my being conversatant with electronic gadgetry I know that's bullsh**! I believe what people tell me until they prove otherwise. I tell the truth or I stifle it and to those I admire I say so and if it is perceived as a compliment by them that's fine. I don't "flatter" and say things I don't think feel mean or believe. I can only go by me. Automatically assuming something nefarious or devious or deceitful about someone who simply compliments you I think is very sad. A negative nabob going through life never even seeing the flowers because he/she is so obsessed with the weeds. Thank you for your reply Walt! :)
      June 11, 2019 5:23 AM MDT
    0

  • 6023
    No, I'm not assuming they are lies.
    I'm giving examples of how people can use compliments only when they want something in return.
     
    (EG: When a parent wants their child to do something, they often compliment the child on how well they do it before telling them to do it.)
      June 11, 2019 7:30 AM MDT
    0