The second was a college textbook---Childhood and Adolescence by Church and Stone---Just as accurate and useful today as it was when i took the course in the late 60's. (It was in its 4th edition when I looked a few years ago.)
Listen, listen, listen, to them, really hear what they are saying. Be honest in your feedback and let them know how you appreciate the way they view the world and care about their opinions. Make them aware of their strengths, reinforce their good decisions and be honest if they ask for your opinion. It depends on the relationship you have with each one. Some you can give your opinion, whether it is asked for or not. Others, that would be invasive.
By not handing it out Willy nilly and saving congratulation and adulation for accomplishments over just existing.
Self-esteem is only valuable when it is earned through accomplishments and determination. It's a toxic soup of histrionics and narcissism when its given as participation trophies and " just being you". The research is pretty clear on the damage of the self-esteem movement created during the 1980's. It creates a brittle and Ashley foundation for the individuals self-esteem and creates emotionally fragile adults. They fall apart when the reality sets in.
Personally, U think a lot if the problems with my generation and beyond in terms of depression rates and entitlement of ease is the direct result.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at October 7, 2019 2:20 PM MDT
One of the two "pillars" of self-esteem is letting your child know and believe that he has value "just because he exists" according to Briggs in her book. [The other is that your child has value also because he has "something (whether or not he is physically, emotionally, or intellectually challenged in any way) to offer others."]
Just because there was damage in what you refer to in "the self-esteem movement created during the 1980" (which I will admit I am not particularly aware of), that does not mean there is no error in the opposite direction---which apparently you suggest denies the need for a child to be valued for "just existing."
But I will grant you that handing out praise for waking up in the morning is to be expected and not generally properly classified as an accomplishment.
This post was edited by tom jackson at October 7, 2019 2:41 PM MDT
Maybe not the best choice of words. I'm didn't mean to imply someone doesn't have value. But rewarding and congratulating for no accomplishment doesn't let them ever see what their value is. You're taking it as demeaning them .
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at October 7, 2019 10:55 PM MDT
Benedict Arnold 