Half my life, wasted.
So many times she cheated on me and only get lame, childish excuses. She shows no real sorrow or regret for her actions. To her, it's something that "just happened" and "it was an accident". How many times do you have to have an "accident" before you can't consider it an accident? Once? Twice?
We have two kids together. A twelve year old son and twenty month old daughter. When a spouse or partner cheats and you have kids together, you don't only cheat on the other. You cheat on the kids too. You cheat them out of a family. You cheat them out of a life with both parents. I have grown up in a broken home. My parents separated when I was eleven, the same age as our son. In my experience, this can be a very traumatic time in a kids life. I witnessed things a child should never witness. She came from the same family situation. Unlike her, I decided that I would never let my kids go through what I did. I was determined to make it work, and I wanted it to work. But as time went on, I felt like I was just dealing with all the crap she did just to make it work. I forgave her so many times. Many people would say too many times.
So here I am. I stuck it out for as long as I could. Right now, she's with the guy she cheated with. She wants to be "friends". How does that work? She's showing no remorse for what she did. She only gives me hollow apologies and lame excuses. It's like she wanted this all along and was just doing things to push me to call it all off so she wouldn't have to take the blame for the failed marriage. She has no respect for me as a husband and the father of our kids, how could she respect me as a friend? How can I trust her as a friend when I couldn't trust her as a wife? One month into the separation and spends all spare time with him and has my kids around him while I work all day.
What do I do now? I have to completely start over. I've lost my family and she's only replaced me. I feel like such a failure and a piece of trash. I tell myself, If I was any good to begin with, she wouldn't have done what she did. What do I do? What do I do.....
