Discussion»Questions»Family» For those of you with siblings, how do you think your life would have been different if you had been born in a different birth order?
I am the eldest of four girls. I was the one who ran point for the others when it came to wearing makeup, wearing heels, going out with friends, dating boys, traveling, etc. I think my life would have been easier had I been further down the food chain - they would have been the ones to deal with our parents, not me. However, the advantage to being the first usually means that with three others after me, I will likely always have someone close in my life. I would not like to be the last of us knowing I would be the only sister left.
Thank you. In my family, we are also five, with a girl as the eldest. Our lineup is girl, boy, boy, boy, girl. My elder sister has long lamented how difficult things were for her because our mother automatically expected her to be a type of surrogate second mother to the rest of us. Of course, being the oldest child, whenever we were left alone with her, she was always in charge. She said that as her younger siblings, we also placed burdens on her in that we expected her to know everything, do everything, be everything.
At the time, I thought that she had some special, magical bond with Mama just because they talked with each other all the time, and usually about topics that I didn’t understand: hair, fashion, whatever soap opera they both followed, girl-talk in general. As a four-year-old boy, or eight-year-old, or ten-year-old, I didn’t yet have cognizance that girls and women naturally communicate verbally in more frequency and more fluidity than do boys and men, especially mothers and daughters.
By the time my sister became a teenager, however, all of that changed as I watched the two of them begin to clash with each other, something that escalated more and more as months went by. I didn’t understand how they went from seemingly inseparable to quasi mortal enemies. My sister was rebelling, nothing graphic such as drug use or running the streets or getting into legal trouble, but still testing the bounds of propriety in the house. In addiction to all of the other normal trials of being a teenager, acne, puberty, boy crazy, interactions with her friends, privacy, etc., that was also the time that my youngest sister was born, an “oops” baby 15 years her junior. My elder sister saw the impending repeat of practically having raised me and my two brothers, and she was having no parts of it.
In reflection (and to be fair, it’s been at least twenty-five years since my sister and I have discussed any of this), my sister did not relish being the first-born child.
I completely understand why you felt the way you did. I, too, had to be the babysitter on many occasions when my parents had to go somewhere together and, like your sister, my mother and I disagreed on many things as I got into my teens. There is also an almost 15 year difference between me and my youngest sister and she was a terrible baby - cried the minute you stopped rocking the carriage. My mom was haggard by the time I got home from school, so I would take my sister out and just walk with her so my mom could take a nap and start dinner. Oddly enough, she and I are now the closest. :)
My younger sister did not get in trouble for the things I got in trouble for three years prior. It was not fair but I realize, particularly after rearing two girls, you really do learn on the first one. Parents who have more than two also just get tired (I believe). Two wore me out. I can't imagine four, six, seven kids. I'm told the older ones do the parenting for the youngest. I don't think I would have gotten to that but my patience would be gone by the fourth one. Gone. For good.
I also raised two. Now I know why with five children, my mother would sometimes forget our names. She’d call one of us, we’d show up, she’d say, “Not you, I meant Umpdefrats.” She’d also look at you and say, “Not you, you know who I meant.” Sometimes she would just call all of us and when we showed up, she pick the one she wanted from the lineup and dismiss the others. She even had a phonetic made up of a sort of singsong conglomerate of all of our names.
My best friend growing up had four sisters. That was the noisiest, craziest household...they screamed and fought and played pranks on each other and by adulthood they all had four wonderful best friends. My sister is my best friend. I remember the mom seemed like she was on the verge of a breakdown for about a week one time. Then she announced happily she had found a job. She said things would change but if they wanted to keep a mom they would adapt. God bless mothers who stay home with children. I stayed off work for three years (with benefits) with my first but by the end of the first year I was selling real estate. That was the family business and I was expected to be licensed and able to participate from time to time. I did that full time (ish) for two years and then went back to my company.
I am the youngest of two kids; my brother is older by about three years and eight months. It's hard to know how life would be different if the order had been reversed.
SpunkySenior 