.
I think humans are mostly incapable of true objectivity, this is precisely why we shouldn't act as lords of fairness over others. Just my opinion.
Personally, I try my level best to treat people with the same respect I'd like in return, but I fall short of coddling the inadequacies of others 'just cuz' I'm afraid of hurting feelings. I don't think it serves me or anyone else well.
If I favor good work over bad, then favoritism can work. If I favor friend over supposed foe because of my personal agenda, favoritism is illegal.
i dont think anyone should play favorites
Most of the time I don't waste my life on wasted people, e.g. D. Trump & H. Clinton. When I do put a couple cents in I try to be objective, neither party impresses me, they're all liars, so for me anyways it's waste of time and life to give either one any serious consideration.
You can like some people more than you like others
but you should not treat them differently. Thank you for your reply pearl! :)
Thank you for your reply BSurf and Happy Saturday.
I have favourites.
I'm not in any position to stack decks.
I try to be as fair as I know how in all my relationships,
but sometimes I lose my emotional balance and slip.
I tend to let people come to me and then respond to the moment.
Each friend has slightly different needs and interests, so I aim to meet those as best I can.
I am not as consistent as I'd like to be. I fall short of my ideals.
Why? The people I feel strongest warmth and love for are those who love me.
There are too many people in the world and not enough time in one life,
so one is forced to choose with whom one spends one's time.
It probably works best for everyone if we mutually share it with those we love best.
But we don't live on tiny islands or enclaves of the select hartfire. We live in the world and deal with those with whom we come in contact. We wear many hats and have many alliances in life. We cannot shut ourselves away from "the others" unless we belong to cults and live off far away and never venture out. Of course we prefer being with those we love/like. But we don't always get to choose . Being fair includes calling out
your loved ones when they're wrong and sticking up for those you dislike when they're right. Don't you think so? Thank you for your thoughtful reply! :)
I am almost a hermit.
I live in a rural area where the houses are about one kilometre apart.
Our place is hidden by trees and folds of hills so that it feels almost like being on an island.
I spend most of my time at home and on the farm.
My social events are the weekly farmers' market, the monthly Chillingham market, and whenever friends want to spend time with me.
I don't exactly get to choose, except that my friends choose me and so in response I choose them.
I can try to tell my husband when I think he's making a mistake, but he strongly resents it. He will do as he chooses irrespective of my opinions.
With rare exceptions, I don't believe I have the right to tell a friend when I think they're wrong unless they ask me for facts, sources of research, or my experience or opinion.
I haven't experienced an instance when someone I disliked needed to be defended on anything, let alone an issue of being right. This is probably because the people I dislike are always right and simply bulldoze their way through everything. Oh, and there's another reason - I avoid the people I dislike.
Your life sounds blissful rather like a Norman Rockwell magazine cover. I don't know if you are familiar with the name but his covers usually were about family gathering together around a table or in a home and celebrating being with one another. Peaceful. Safe. Comforting. Except for the part where your husband strongly resents your opinions if they conflict with his. That is unfortunate. Your choice then is to stifle it or risk his anger neither of which is useful. On Answermug I often disagree with friends whose opinions make no sense to me. I tell them why they make no sense. I also have agreed with folks with whom I generally disagree when I think they've got it right. I speak up about what I think whether I agree or disagree. I think true friendships should be able to withstand disagreement and being on a different side should not preclude you from acknowledging something with which you agree coming from "the other side". At least it seems so to me. I'm not afraid to disagree with anyone and I'm not afraid to agree with anyone. If it makes sense I say so. If it doesn't I say so. I don't care who says it hartfire. I am very consistent about that . I either say what I think or I say nothing. So if you get into a discussion on Answermug with a friend and you think your friend's view is wrong you will never tell him/her so? What is a friend? Someone who always tells you how great you are or someone who tells you what he/she thinks? Thank you for your reply m'dear. The weekly farmer's market sounds wondrous to me. Is the Chillingham market like that only larger and better? I would like that too. Nothing makes me happier than to be surrounded by food. Supermarkets, farmer's markets. I never tire of investigating what is there. Just my thoughts. Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I love spending time alone. I enjoy solitude. I am not now nor have I ever
been a social person. I like people in small doses when I'm the mood. When I'm not it is better for me to remain alone lest I offend them. :)
You won't read this anway. Why or why not?
Mr. Bromide, I read your responses when they coincide with the questions I ask or answer.
My sense of humour is different to yours. I tend to find it hard to think of an appropriate response. If my silence has inadvertently offended you I am sorry.
I have a very personal definition of a friend: someone in whom I can confide and who also confides in me, a person with whom I can share emotional intimacy. The closer I am with someone, the more I count them as a friend. I might like numerous people, and it might be mutual, but to me, unless there is intimacy, it is just an acquaintanceship. I very rarely get to go deep enough into this world of feelings and mutual understanding, except with my husband. I suspect that it's a limitation in English-speaking cultures, not universal but nonetheless pervasive.
Here on answerMug, I'm still feeling my way into how relationships work here. It changes relationships dramatically when people remain anonymous. I find I can get a sense of character through how individuals express themselves, but each feels to me like a jigsaw with meaningful parts of the image missing. For this reason, so far, I find the word "friend" here has a different meaning. It may mean just the ones we interact with most frequently and for whom we feel warmth.
I do feel a great deal freer to voice my opinions here. Part of this is due to the questions you ask. Not many people I know in real life are interested in discussing polemics if they are not on the same side. I think many people identify with their beliefs. When their beliefs are challenged, they react as if it is a personal attack on who they are. This makes it hard to discuss contrary ideas without causing offense. I play it by ear. In real life small communities, it is easier to live and let live by not being too controversial.
Indeed. That is how some people get by their entire lives. Not making waves. Avoiding the controversial. Playing their cards close to the vest. Revealing as little as they can about themselves. Of course that is their right. I am the antithesis of that. I reveal everything. I hold nothing back. I see no point in it. Why engage in conversation if you don't reveal to others what you truly think? It wastes everyone's time. I bond with people easily I have found. It doesn't take much for me to find an affinity with people. But I require civility at all times I have never settled for less nor will I . Beyond that cordiality, logic, thoughtfuless and knowledge are what I seek. Those are all icing on the cake of communication. If you were to meet me in real life you would recognize me. I am no different anywhere. I am always me everywhere. I think it is easy peasy to discuss contrary ideas if both parties wish to do so . You can disagree and be very kind and cordial and respectful. Or you can attack and insult and demean. Everyone chooses his/her MO and leaves tracks. I love looking at those tracks. They do not lie. Thank you for your thoughtful reply hartfire. If my questions encourage you to say what you really think I have done a good job. I ask questions for me but I do not mind that others find
them worth spending time answering . It's more icing on the cake! :)
You are not worth my time. You don' t ever add anything substantive, thoughtful, useful or helpful. You show up to insult/attack/demean. Why should I waste my time on you when there are others here who are worth my time? Either shape up or ship out but stop whining MB.
Most of the people I know believe things that I find quite bizarre. I listen. I draw them out to explain their point of view, its origins and how it serves them in their lives. I probably might have shared mine if asked. Except for you here, it simply hasn't happened. Its one of the reasons I like being here, the chance to express these thoughts.
I respect your choice to be so transparent. I think it takes courage.
I could not handle being rejected as a friend because I don't believe in a god or other weird things like astrology, crystal healing, aliens, and miracles.
I believe in miracles hartfire. Friday, August 4, 2004 Jim and I were in a very terrible auto accident. The car was totaled. We should have been totaled too but we weren't. No one else was involved which was a miracle in itself. I was driving. Jim was asleep. It was on Highway 395 going up to visit Jim's sister in a small city just outside of Reno. It started raining. We didn't know our tires were bald. The car started fishtailing, went into a few spins and then inexplicably went into rollovers. A few. I don't remember how many. The car was on its side as it slid/smashed into the mountain. Across a freeway. With no one coming in the opposite direction at the time. We were badly bruised. I had a lot of glass embedded in my arm and forehead. Jim had a mild concussion. We looked awful but after being taken to the Emergency room at the Mammoth hospital and being examined and treated and x-rayed we were OK. My son drove up from Santa Monica, California the next day to pick us up. We tried to rent a car in Mammoth but were told it would have to be returned to the same place where we rented it. How stupid is that? Anyway when my son arrived and saw the car he could not believe we survived it . Every time thereafter I read about accidents including rollovers people have died. No exceptions. We were wearing our seat belts which on impact with the mountain locked in place. But others in rollovers were wearing sea tbelts and they died. Why did we survive? I have no idea. But that is miracle enough for one lifetime in my opinion. I was 66 at the time and Jim was 68. Old folks! Here we are! As for my being brave? I'm not afraid of anyone or anything. I have nothing to lose being myself. If folks like what they see I'm happy. If they don't I'm happy. I am the real me all the time. It's easier that way. As for belief in God? Astrology? Crystal healing? Aliens? We think we live in a 3-dimensional world because that is all we can perceive. Our world may consist of 10 dimensions of which 7 will be forever unknown to us . In those 7 dimensions may reside answers to all the mysteries we ecnounter. There is a fine book long out of print called FLATLAND. It talks about the life of 2-dimensional creatures in a 3-dimensional world and how limited/skewed/distorted what they see is because of that. We could be them! :) Thank you for your reply! :)
