Discussion»Questions»Emotions» I've never hated anyone/anything so I'm ignorant about this. How do you dissipate hate? Does it consume you or can you extinguish it? How?
I don't hate anyone/anything PERIOD ele. Never have. Never will. As for those who are in pain and suffering I have great empathy, sympathy and concern. Thank you for your reply! :)
I don't know what hate is. I get pissed off. I say hate a lot. But I would never scheme towards some bad end for a person. That to me is the end result of hatred. That is very non-productive. I really bash Trump and hate his guts, but I don't really mean it. I really wish he would change. That is not ever going to happen in this lifetime and I do think he is dangerous. I hate his actions and I hate his mindset, but I really would not ever do anything to cause harm in any way to anyone.
I can say this. If he dropped dead tomorrow I could care less. But I would never dance on his grave.
That is as far as my hate goes. I either love or ignore you. I don't hate anyone.
Oh really? Where did I say that? I could care less if he croaked. That does not allow for much concern. I just am not going to put the knife in. That is because I care. ABOUT ME.
Glis makes a good point on grammar. There's a popular colloquial phrase, "could care less," used when what the speaker intends to say is "I could not care less," meaning the level of care is at zero, hence could not possibly to go any lower.
Aach! That comment just hit one of my buttons! lol! :-)
I was raised by parents who were pedantic about language, especially Dad -- have rarely met anyone to match him in uninhibited rudeness and intolerance about errors. So my poor brain is programmed with it. As an adult in the process of exploring English, I've learned that my father's fixed attitudes derived from his youth in Anglophile Western Australia, circa 1902 - 1914, then reinforced at Wesley College in Melbourne. Linguists understand how flexible language is, how much it is constantly evolving, and how idiosyncratic expressions can be intrinsic to a person's self-expression - something which deserves to be respected.
So even though I might react inwardly to phrases I dislike, generally I prefer to abstain from "correcting" others.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at November 5, 2016 3:11 PM MDT
My dad was the ultimate grammar Nazi. He was a professional editor for a large company. He never cut me slack with it. Served me well though in later years on the job.
That phrase "I could care less" is not only annoying in the extreme, I'd never even heard of it until I started seeing it on the Internet about 5 years ago. What started the craze for such a silly and illogical phrase anyway?
I'll try to track it. Maybe someone on Quora might know. Another turn of phrase that niggles me is when someone makes a positive statement and then appends "not" to the end of it. Aa-aar-agh! And I feel reasonably certain that that is exactly the effect they wish to create. So I deny them the pleasure of a response.
Making a positive statement and then adding "not" onto the end of it is supposed to be humorous. I don't mind it occasionally, but if someone did it all the time it would soon start to sound tiresome. Lol:)
I am not pretending to have the answers - only trying to suggest a few possible ones.
White people, (or whatever people are in the socially dominant position,) often feel toxic* shame about the truth of their (or their ancestors') atrocities in the past - if they, we, can openly admit it, in detail, neglecting nothing of the consequences, it creates a huge step towards making repairs. An aggressor usually has fear of retaliation, which creates an intense defensiveness, a fear of losing a "comfortable" way of life, and a kind of desperation to hang on to privilege. There is always a cognitive dissonance involved, a compartmentalised split which regards the other, the target of the racism, as in some way less than fully human. When an experience breaks through that split mind to view the other with empathy, racism dissolves.
Start by listening. Let the person rant until he or she runs out of energy. Reflect back (summarise) what you heard in your own words and ask/check that you've accurately understood what they said. When a person feels truly heard, that is usually enough to take the sting and energy out of the anger. Then ask, "What is the feeling underneath your anger?" It might be fear, hurt, or shame. Whatever it is, ask what specifically happened to trigger it. If they can't identify it exactly, ask them to tell you a time when their anger was triggered - what happened? The emotion underneath should become clear and easy to name.
If they can't name an emotion, ask, "Is there a specific need you have that you feel is not being met?" It might be a good job, financial security, safety... in which case, ask them how those needs can be met (without harming others.)
It might be that they have gone through some kind of trauma, in which case the need might be for healing.
If the racism is not based on emotions but on a prejudice imparted in childhood, then the need is education about the targeted people - pleasant exposure to the truths of the feelings, humanity, and common interdependence we all share. It takes patient work and persistence. One tried and proven technique is to bring people together when they are still toddlers, before they've had time to develop prejudices. Another is working together. Others include sharing hobbies and leisure.
An enemy is anyone towards whom we feel anger or ill-will. That might seem a bit too loose a definition but I hope it will make sense in a moment.
We could all be good Samaritans every time we meet an "enemy" or and unfamiliar kind of stranger. If we all do it, the effects can be cumulative. Every instance makes a difference, no matter how small.
* "Toxic" in this context means a kind of shame which is debilitating. Healthy shame allows us to know that we have done wrong. It motivates us to make amends and cease offending. Toxic shame carries a sense of "I am wrong" -- a belief that entraps the person in a sense of hateful self-identity.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at November 5, 2016 2:47 PM MDT
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at November 5, 2016 3:36 PM MDT
Element 99 