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Benedict Arnold

Forgiving means also forgetting?

Can we talk a little about forgiveness? We do not have to speak about personal experiences in this matter, we can generalize.

I had to forgive some persons in my life at different times for different reasons. I did so because I put myself into a peaceful mindset. I cannot live harboring hateful thoughts.

If you have to forgive infidelity, you have to have that gut feeling that the loved person takes responsibility and will change her/his ways. And forgiving is not forgetting, but never bringing it up again is essential for trust. That is my insight about it. What are your thoughts?

Posted - November 7, 2016
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Responses


  • 1615
    You can forgive but you will find it hard to forget and trust again, especially with infidelity, more power to you good luck This post was edited by TomThumb at November 7, 2016 11:08 AM MST
      November 7, 2016 8:44 AM MST
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  • That is true, Tom. Forgetting is not really possible, it turns up in one's brain sometimes. But now it is just a memory without bothering me.
      November 7, 2016 9:55 AM MST
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  • forgiveness is usually asked by the guilty party  so they can "forget"  about it , and rest easier . 
    granting forgiveness  may help you do  the same  . or not  .   forgiveness  does excuse away their wrong . but does not wipe away  anger  . hurt    or  thoughts of retaliation.  ,  thus  harder  for the victim  to  forget.  but at that point  shoud still  be "filed away"  . 



    This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at November 7, 2016 9:56 AM MST
      November 7, 2016 9:06 AM MST
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  • Thank you for your response, THE Anonymous Witch, I tell myself every so often that I am happy, that includes living without hurt or anger. Everything is filed away.
      November 7, 2016 10:29 AM MST
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  • 3375
    I don't think you really forget if you forgive, but true forgiveness should move you away from thinking about the details of what upset you.
      November 7, 2016 10:36 AM MST
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  • Thanks - that is true and recommendable.
      November 7, 2016 11:00 AM MST
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  • 3375
    ...And trust me.  Some things do take a long time and distance to reach that point.  
      November 7, 2016 11:02 AM MST
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  • Yes, a long time - true.  
      November 7, 2016 11:17 AM MST
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  • 46117
    Forgiving is healthy.  There is no reason to forget.  Moving on is not forgetting, but rather putting whatever upsetting happening occurred where it belongs, in the past.

    Forgetting is dementia.  There is no point in worrying about forgiving if it is not even in the memory bank any longer.
      November 7, 2016 10:39 AM MST
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  • There is so much wisdom in your answer, Sharonna. Thank you !
      November 7, 2016 11:13 AM MST
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  • 17592
    I don't forget, but I can tuck things away.  I forgive.  I believe in forgiveness.  However, it is not a symbol for What you did to me is OK.  I forgive for my benefit.  If I could not forgive I could not be where I am now.  Getting stuck in hate because of being wronged is how to waste away a life. This post was edited by Thriftymaid at November 7, 2016 12:30 PM MST
      November 7, 2016 12:24 PM MST
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  • Forgiving for my benefit - you wrote, and I underscore it, Thriftymaid. Having hateful thoughts is not healthy for the entire circulatory system.  Thank you!
      November 7, 2016 12:33 PM MST
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  • To me forgiving has a lot to do with pretending. I keep pretending that it never happened, and over time it becomes sort of reality -  the offence's seriousness atually reduces quite a lot. If it's not serous, I genuinely forget about it or see it as a trivial thing not worth moping about. 
      November 7, 2016 5:07 PM MST
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  • Thanks, Neelie. the deciding factor for forgiveness can be love in between partners, of course. And a conversation as a prelude is necessary to make it clear that forgiveness is happening only once for a certain occurence. Love your answer!
      November 7, 2016 8:10 PM MST
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  • 1326
    Whenever I struggle to forgive i remind myself that if I seek God's forgiveness i have to forgive also. otherwise I have no right to ask for forgiveness.  (Matthew 18:21-35)
      November 10, 2016 11:49 PM MST
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  • 1326
    Whenever I struggle to forgive i remind myself that if I seek God's forgiveness i have to forgive also. otherwise I have no right to ask for forgiveness.  (Matthew 18:21-35)
      November 10, 2016 11:49 PM MST
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  • Thanks, Autumnleaves.
      September 23, 2018 9:03 AM MDT
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