2008 was the start of a crisis for me – the loss of almost everything due to drought and the GFC – then the start of a war with my sister over the right way to care for Mum as she entered her last phase.
Internally, I was a mess, full of rage and especially fantasies of revenge upon my sister for her actions against my mother and me.
Externally, I handled it.
Knowing my sister, I had asked Mum to go to her solicitor and write an Advanced Health Directive. This would become a legally binding document if a time came when experts deemed that she could no longer make decisions for herself.
The time came. It’s a long tangled story – Nicholina put our mother into residential care, took over her house, and defrauded her of many thousands. A lot of things went badly wrong before Mum was declared to have mid-level dementia.
It turned out that Mum had appointed me to be her guardian, so I was able to bring her to live with Ari and me and we cared for her for the remaining 18 months of her life.
I had to facilitate ways in which she and Nicholina could have time together. Unfortunately, none of those events went smoothly.
But in the meantime, my sister launched all kinds of attacks on me, two of which were vexatious accusations against me to the police. Fortunately, I had proof that I could not have done the things she alleged.
The stress impacted on my physical health, and contributed to one of my worst depressions, lasting about four years. Part of it was caused by hating myself for wanting revenge.
In the end, I came through it without having done any of the nasty things I wished I could do.
After Mum died, I was able to permanently cut off from my sister.
This created peace in my life and allowed me to recover.
Looking back on it, I feel very glad that I came through it with my honour in tact. I never once did or said the wrong thing.
The fact that I often wanted to does not make me happy – it means that on the inside I know that I am not necessarily a nice person, push me to extremes and I could break, I know it – but at least in that period I managed to resist the temptation. I hope with all my heart that life never throws me another challenge as bad as that one.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at November 13, 2016 11:48 PM MST
Benedict Arnold 