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WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH

Do you have honor? You can lose everything and if you still have honor you are wealthy beyond measure. Do you have honor?

Posted - November 13, 2016
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  • 2008 was the start of a crisis for me – the loss of almost everything due to drought and the GFC – then the start of a war with my sister over the right way to care for Mum as she entered her last phase.

    Internally, I was a mess, full of rage and especially fantasies of revenge upon my sister for her actions against my mother and me.

    Externally, I handled it.

    Knowing my sister, I had asked Mum to go to her solicitor and write an Advanced Health Directive. This would become a legally binding document if a time came when experts deemed that she could no longer make decisions for herself.

    The time came. It’s a long tangled story – Nicholina put our mother into residential care, took over her house, and defrauded her of many thousands. A lot of things went badly wrong before Mum was declared to have mid-level dementia.

    It turned out that Mum had appointed me to be her guardian, so I was able to bring her to live with Ari and me and we cared for her for the remaining 18 months of her life.

    I had to facilitate ways in which she and Nicholina could have time together. Unfortunately, none of those events went smoothly.

    But in the meantime, my sister launched all kinds of attacks on me, two of which were vexatious accusations against me to the police. Fortunately, I had proof that I could not have done the things she alleged.

    The stress impacted on my physical health, and contributed to one of my worst depressions, lasting about four years. Part of it was caused by hating myself for wanting revenge.

    In the end, I came through it without having done any of the nasty things I wished I could do.

    After Mum died, I was able to permanently cut off from my sister.

    This created peace in my life and allowed me to recover.

    Looking back on it, I feel very glad that I came through it with my honour in tact. I never once did or said the wrong thing.

    The fact that I often wanted to does not make me happy – it means that on the inside I know that I am not necessarily a nice person, push me to extremes and I could break, I know it – but at least in that period I managed to resist the temptation. I hope with all my heart that life never throws me another challenge as bad as that one.

    This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at November 13, 2016 11:48 PM MST
      November 13, 2016 11:34 PM MST
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  • 1326
    Wow hf, we all have a story don't we. you certainly came through the fire. you proved to be an exceptional human being, don't think less of yourself. in this life i have learned to take a deep breath before the next plunge in this great ocean of turmoil we face. I take strength from biblical characters such as job, to know i too can survive and come out a better person. one day this old world will be in the past. (revelation 21:4)all the best to you! :)
      November 14, 2016 12:00 AM MST
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  • 46117
    Autumn, I am very fond of that story, the Job one.  I am happy that you draw strength from these stories and I am not going to say rotten things about your bible stuff any more.  I don't know what gets into me sometimes. 

    Get thee behind me, Satan!!!!!

      November 14, 2016 1:07 AM MST
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  • 1326
    I know we all have our inner struggles, as hard as it is i'm embarrassed to admit it myself! have yourself a great day!! :)
      November 16, 2016 7:55 AM MST
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  • 46117
    Wow.  HF you are an example of what this question is looking for to a T.  I went through almost the same upset in my life as you did.  My mom, my brother and myself were the main characters in a nightmarish story quite like your own.  There were differences, but the tone is identical, the angst, the frustration, the betrayals, the fear, all of it.  And then, to add insult to all the frayed and injured nerves, we have the fragile mind and impending death of the loved one at the center of it all.  All the pettiness, all the greed come to the surface.  The desire for revenge?  I would try and not think of ways to end my brother's life.  That was a pastime of mine.  He drank a lot.  So, we will leave it at that. 

    Anyway, Heart, boy can I relate to all of your journey.  I wish I could say I did not say one wrong thing.  I am guilty of saying so many horrific things.   In hindsight, I wish I had not.  I contributed to this mess, I know.  But not nearly as badly as the others in this psychodrama.    When you say vicious words, you are amidst the wolves.  You are a wolf yourself.  No one can tell the difference.  I should have remembered that.  So, good for you, Heart, I mean that.  And I understand your plight too well. This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at November 14, 2016 1:02 AM MST
      November 14, 2016 1:01 AM MST
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  • Thanks, Sharonna. I hope you are now free from having to deal with those family members who were abusing you and your parent.

    Somehow, the dysfunction that was present when we were young children returns to find its karmic results in the last years. Trying to change those patterns and heal the old wounds is a monumentally difficult task and often we are struggling blind in the dark, not knowing which way is the right one, or not getting enough time to calm down and think.

      November 14, 2016 1:37 PM MST
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  • 46117
    Exactly.  The karma comment hits home. 

    I am still enmeshed and embroiled in it all.  It is coming to a head as we speak, and it is the fight of my life.
      November 16, 2016 7:57 AM MST
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  • 8214
    ((((( HUGS )))))  what a horrible experience.  So happy you made it through.  
      November 14, 2016 2:42 AM MST
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  • 3907
    Hello t:

    People won't remember you for what you had..  They'll remember you for who you were.

    excon
      November 16, 2016 8:00 AM MST
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