I think that's the problem. A boat is a very cramped place with limited resources. Very often we don't like each enough to want to be in the same boat, especially for any kind of seriously long journey locked up together.
And on top of that, our destinations and goals go in different directions, so the quarrel becomes about how and where to steer the boat.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at November 29, 2016 8:12 PM MST
We're all gonna end up in the same exact spot. Dead. No escape. Why not make the journey as pleasant as possible since death is no surprise to anyone? It awaits everyone. Sooner or later. I understand differences of opinion. I don't understand HATE. I expect I am very limited intellectually in that regard since I have never hated anyone or anything. Dislike? You betcha. Hate? No m'am. No way. No how. Thank you for your thoughtful reply hartfire! :)
Hatred grows from anger that has not been resolved, usually because the hater has no idea how to deal with the problems causing it.
It's possible, Rosie, that you may express your feelings as they arise. Perhaps you are proactive in resolving disputes as they arise, or perhaps have other strategies like avoidance.
I think it is actually very important to understand the causes of hate and know how to deal with it appropriately, even if we never feel it ourselves. It is widespread throughout the world in various forms from sibling rivalry to ISIS. It is lethally dangerous. We could bump into it in others accidentally and, if we don't recognise it for what it is, we could inadvertently end up as victims.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at November 29, 2016 6:21 AM MST
I reject hate. I avoid haters. They scare me to death hartfire. I am no match for them since I have never hated anyone or anything and I never shall. People who hate are evil. Hate is evil. Using it as an excuse for anything does not impress me. I don't need to understand it. I don't wish to understand. Understanding it will do nothing for me that I need to have done. I have asked zillions of questions about why people hate and I have never yet received a logical reason that satisfies me. I don't care the harm done that is used as an excuse. I don't buy it. Haters are the ones who need fixing. Non-haters don't. Sorry hartfire but that's how I feel. I don't need to understand people who torture. I don't care why they do. What I care about is that they do and that disgusts me. Haters disgust me too. Racists and bigots and misogynists and hatemongers disgust me. I am not in the habit of learning more about that which disgusts me. I am better served to avoid it, talk about those who do, see what others think about haters and perhaps what solutions they may have to CURE them of that terrible disease. No one gets through life undamaged. We all have our reasons to dislike people who have harmed us and situations that have caused us great difficulty. That is no reason to hate. In my opinion. Thank you for your reply and Happy Tuesday! :)
I understand that for you there is no reason to hate. Hatred itself is abhorrent and disgusting to you. And I like that about you.
I agree with you on the grounds of ethics and emotional health for both individuals and society.
But if we ask for a reason, while at the same time being unable to accept any reason, we put ourselves in a position of being guaranteed to find every answer unsatisfactory.
If you are looking for a logical explanation, you will never find it.
Hate is an emotion which is not caused by any kind of logical reasoning.
Imagine the Australian prisoners of war who worked as slaves for the Japanese on the Burma railway: starvation, extreme tortures for any form of resistance, mass punishments for one person's resistance or attempts at escape, systematic war crimes, the majority slowly dying. Of those who survived, all had PTSD, all had permanent and severe health problems. The majority developed a lifetime hatred for all Japanese. Only a rare few discovered the means to forgive. It takes empathy to understand this - the ability to imagine oneself in their place, suffering those tortures for up to six years or more.
There are psychological explanations for how and why hatred exists, including hatreds based purely on prejudice. These reasons do not condone or excuse it. They do one thing only, to help us understand the causes. If we understand those causes, we can begin to create changes that undermine those causes, to change society so as to make it a better place.
The place to look for your answers is not here on aM. If there are psychologists among us, none have yet revealed themselves to me.
Psychologists have studied this issue in depth, have done experiments and have discovered what works as cures. In some places, these solutions have been effectively put into place - but in most, there is insufficient legislation and no government funding. I have listed at least five of these in past answers to your questions. The answers are free and easily available via research published on-line.
What happens if we hate the haters?
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at November 30, 2016 2:35 AM MST
It's not that I am "unable" to accept a reason hartfire. Rather it is that no reason so far has seemed logical to me or substantive. Now that's how I decide things. They have to make sense to me or I simply cannot accept it. Perhaps it is a limitation. Perhaps it is a strength. It matters not. It's what I do. I process everything through my mind....everything. If it passes the test of logic and reason I have no reason to reject it. But when a "reason" for hate is advanced it is always fraught with emotion. Emotion has no logic to it. Thank you for your reply.
Above you wrote the following: "Hate is evil." - about that we agree
"I don't need to understand it. I don't wish to understand. Understanding it will do nothing for me that I need to have done."
and then...
"I have asked zillions of questions about why people hate and I have never yet received a logical reason that satisfies me."
The question "Why" is one that explicitly asks to understand.
Why ask so many questions about why people hate when you say you can't and don't want to understand it?
"I don't care the harm done that is used as an excuse." That makes no sense to me - how can any harm ever be used as an excuse?
"Haters are the ones who need fixing." - On this, you and I agree. However, the haters themselves would not agree. This means that creating change takes great skill and perseverance.
"I don't need to understand people who torture. I don't care why they do. What I care about is that they do and that disgusts me." We have laws which ensure that when people are caught they are gaoled (jailed.)
"Haters disgust me too. Racists and bigots and misogynists and hatemongers disgust me." We can have laws against speech and behaviour which promotes hatred. Many places do. These laws have proved effective in greatly reducing the number of hate crimes and the proportion of prejudice in those places and over generations the effect gradually increases. But I have heard you say that you prefer absolute freedom of speech because you prefer to know what people really think and allow them to expose themselves for what they really are. There is plenty of research to prove that the more people are permitted to express their hatred, the more it spreads like a disease. Negative emotions create negative reactions. They multiply and escalate. This not my opinion. It is available in public statistics.
"I am not in the habit of learning more about that which disgusts me."
"I am better served to avoid it, talk about those who do, see what others think about haters and perhaps what solutions they may have to CURE them of that terrible disease." So I have said elsewhere that the most successful programs against racism involve educating people together from a very early age and having people work closely together in the workplace - when this is combined with leadership that encourages people to accept and understand each other's cultural differences, it works. It works. Very simple. It works.
Psychologists and sociologists have done the research. They have found the causes and the solutions. The information is available in universities, public libraries, government research databases and on line. It is not the least bit difficult to find, and it is free. The main problem is that governments do not have enough will to finance the necessary programs to create the degree of change necessary.
It is true that none of us comes through life without wounds. But it is also true that few people ever encounter the means to heal their wounds.
In my opinion, dislike is just a milder version of hate. In addition to unresolved anger, dislike is the seed from which hatred begins.
In all of this, I see a danger. Do we hate the haters? Does our disgust and intolerance prevent us from seeing haters as human beings?
I know for a certainty that there are ways of dealing with hate when one encounters it, and there are ways of healing it. But they are not available here on aM. aM is not a teaching site.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at December 1, 2016 5:44 PM MST
Thank you for your reply hartfire and Happy Friday. Why ask so many questions? Because they occur to me. Simple as that.
This post was edited by RosieG at December 2, 2016 3:25 AM MST
Benedict Arnold 