When I ask a question I don't become part of it. I am asking about you? If you wish to answer it that would be welcome. Otherwise? Well I shall move on.
I saw a 1937 movie on TCM called "Make Room for tomorrow" . It was about a couple who were together for 50 years and lost their home. They had 5 children. None of whom really wanted them. They had to be separated. No child would take both of them. They lived apart for a few months and at the end the father is sent to live with the child who lives in California for his health. He thinks his wife will still be living with a son. But she won't. She has learned the son and his family don't want her there and have arranged for her to live in an old folks' home. She exacts a promise from that they they WILL NEVER TELL HEIR FATHER where she lives. It would break his heart. The final frame shows her seeing him off on a train to California and her heading back to the son's home to be carted off to the old folks home. Then I saw a movie called The Trip to Bountiful. I won't bore you with the detail of that but it also talks about a parent being a burden. So I asked the question Didge. Whether you approve of or not is not my concern. Thank you for your reply. I ask the questions that occur to me. I don't usually have to justify the why. I did it as a courtesy to you. I will not do it again. Further I do not expect ANYONE who believes parents are a burden to respond. Who is brave enough to admit that?
This post was edited by RosieG at December 9, 2016 1:14 PM MST
Provocatively? How much simpler/more straightforward/undramatic could I have possibly made it?. If you think that is a provocative question then your take on that word and mine are miles apart. I could have said "Why is it that parents give their children everything and are always there for them and children won't give their parents the time of day and are never available when they're adults?" Would you have preferred that? Words convey ideas Didge. Choosing wimpy words that don't convey the ideas intended are a complete waste of everyone's time. I don't have time to waste so I don't. I get right to it. Happy Saturday Didge.
When I was caring for my mother, she would say 'I know I'm such a burden to you' and I would reply 'another 18 years and we'll be even'. I'm sure I was a burden to her at times and there were times when my load was a little heavy, but all in all, I think Mom and I agreed that taking care of each other was worth it. Sorry if your life didn't work out that way.
LOL oh nooooooooo I have 3 kids and they are all utter burdens.. .or have been... the two older ones are grown up now so less trouble, tho they still live with me, untidy stuff and cause work for me, the younger one, bless her is a complete nightmare... I love her to bits but the trouble she causes me is unbelievable.
Would they take care of me when the time comes?? Hmm I suspect not... and I hope they don't have to to be honest.. My older son said he'd happily stick me in an old folks home.. I am fine with that..
I love JaneS reply cos at the end of the day... we do spent sometimes 30 years looking after them :)
I think 'burden' is not the right word I'd use. I have children who I love with all my heart. They were not a 'burden' to me, but rather a 'challenge' as I was to my own parents.
I also helped care for my father before he died. It also was a 'challenge' but never a burden. I did it out of love for him and nothing else. The same way I took care of my children out of love.
This post was edited by SA (SuperA) at December 10, 2016 11:46 AM MST
I think you are a wonderful person SA. Thank you for your reply and Happy Friday. I would not expect anyone who thought parents were a burden to respond. :)
To the extent this is true (and neglecting unusual situations such as severe unexpected medical problems), I think it's largely a function of family dynamics and the expectations they generate.
When parents have children, most (I hope) have some reasonable expectation about the responsibilities involved and are not surprised by the challenges incurred.
Conversely, when children take care of aging parents, they are often faced with the equivalent of unhappy demanding children who believe (and are often treated legally) as functional adults. It is difficult to prepare for that scenario, and it often ends up being quite stressful.
Any family member with special needs can be a "challenge" as SA puts it. I would never call it a burden.
I must say that some "children" are extraordinary challenging, especially if they have mental and/or physical problems. You never stop being a parent either, so that commitment is for life.
Elderly parents can also be very demanding of patience, but usually it's not for many years like it can be with a child.
I have cared for both and can tell you that it can be very difficult at times, especially if you don't have the help of other family members.
You know from experience having been on both sides of that coin. Being taken care of as a child and taking care of others as an adult. What you may not know yet is whether there will be anyone there to care for you if you need it when you get old. I hope you don't m'dear. Thank you for your thoughtful reply PeaPod and Happy Sunday! :)
So true Rosie and I would hate to think about the day I may not have someone looking out for me. I do believe my children would at least try to have something set up, but of course I wouldn't count on it. They are both very compassionate people, especially with the elderly. I watched them with my own parents before they died. I know what I went through to take care of them in tough times.
Happy Sunday Rosie. As always, your discussions get me thinking about real life.
I appreciate that you would tell me that m'dear. I ask the questions that occur to me because I have no choice. When I can connect with someone who finds the questions I ask valuable to them it makes me very happy! Thank you for your thoughtful reply PeaPod! :)
This post was edited by SA (SuperA) at December 10, 2016 11:46 AM MST
johnnyRingo 