Active Now

Shuhak
Discussion » Questions » Relationships » Are any other single people besides myself slightly insulted being told " There's someone for everyone" or " You'll find someone,someday"?
Benedict Arnold

Are any other single people besides myself slightly insulted being told " There's someone for everyone" or " You'll find someone,someday"?

I get that a lot when all I have said is I am single.
Sometimes people seem to jump to the conclusion that being single means one is lonely.   That our being single is an hurdle to our happiness as a person and that we are so because we aren't granted the chance to be in a relationship.   Is it really that hard to believe that a single person has chosen to be so?  Why is being single often seen as something to be pitied?  For some it may be a source of discomfort and lonesomeness.  For them I can understand. Yet there are those of us who are perfectly comfortable in our situation and it's kind of insulting when people assume that we are doing so against our own will.   Some of us are doing fine in our single lives and don't want your sympathy or your pity because of our choices or comfort levels.

Please don't assume it's a problem unless it is stated that we want a change in the situation.

Posted - December 14, 2016
Tags : None

Responses


  • 2960
    Then after you "find someone" it will be "when are you having spawn?" Then it will be "when is the divorce?" Then it will be, "We're sorry, you're too old for this position. Here is a bottle of Trumpco's Cyanide for you." This post was edited by Mr. Bromide at December 14, 2016 8:07 PM MST
      December 14, 2016 2:30 PM MST
    2

  • Don't get me started on the " When are you gonna start thinking about kids?"  BS.
      December 14, 2016 2:33 PM MST
    1

  • Kids are VERY expensive! No you don't have to want to have them.
      December 17, 2016 1:09 PM MST
    0

  • It's not about disliking children either.   I really enjoy them.   It's a life position thing really.
      December 17, 2016 1:13 PM MST
    0

  • 3191
    Whether we are single, married, divorced or widowed, dating or not, living with someone or alone, each of our experiences are different, and I think it is presumptuous of anyone to think they know the whats, whys or anything else about our situation or how we feel about it, unless/until we choose to share that information with them.  
      December 14, 2016 2:35 PM MST
    2

  • This
      December 14, 2016 2:37 PM MST
    1

  • 46117
    I've been basically single all my life.  I have had long term relationships, I have never married.  Never been interested in marriage and never been interested in people who care about it.    I had relationships for about 30 years in a row so when I became single, I knew this is what I wanted more than anything and I needed to be single for a long time.

    I remember people making comments but not to me or about me, but rather how desperate they were to find another relationship if they happened to find themselves single.  I never got that.  
      December 14, 2016 2:39 PM MST
    2

  • I have friends like that, I don't get it either and often it seems to frustrate them when I can't fully relate to their strong discomfort in being single.  I hear them say things like  " Don't you hate being alone?" or " Aren't you afraid you will die alone?"

    No, no I don't.   It just is what it is right now and likely will be.   Maybe something will come along and change but I'm content  to worry about crossing that bridge when and if I get to it.
    Being suffocated and tied to someone I'm not really that happy with worries me much, much more.
      December 14, 2016 3:03 PM MST
    2

  • 46117
    I like being alone as much as being with someone.  Most people cannot handle that.
      December 14, 2016 3:43 PM MST
    1

  • I can relate. 
      December 14, 2016 6:20 PM MST
    0

  • I think being single is a state of mind ... I know married people who are "single" ... If it becomes a problem you change it ... It's certainly more open to possibilities than what being in a relationship
      December 14, 2016 2:50 PM MST
    2

  • Oh hmmm i so wanted to disagree with you and say no, I don't find it at all insulting when people say there's someone for everyone etc.. then i read on... and while i don't find it at all bothersome if someone is single and has made it clear that they are looking... when i was i truly didn't mind... 

    However, as you say when you are NOT looking, yes, it's insulting..everything you say is true. and worse!!! I never reveal my marital status now and I get people, particularly one gender assuming that this means I am desperate for s*x, no mention of relationships lol and therefore that I am up for sending naughty pics and giving free rides.  They seem to have no idea that single women, if indeed I am, are not usually either  a) desperate or b) even looking for anything relationship or otherwise 
      December 14, 2016 3:13 PM MST
    2

  • There are two things basically wrong with the attitude.

    The first is that the speaker believes that everybody should aspire to be in a relationship, as they evidently are. The second is that they are thinking in platitudes (what Susan Stebbing called "potted thinking") and assume that clichés in some way encapsulate wisdom.

    In hang gliding circles there's a saying (which may be clichéed but is nonetheless true) that's it's better to be sitting on the hill wishing you were flying, than to be flying and wishing you were sitting on the hill. It can become very dangerous up there. Relationships are like that. A good one is wonderful; a bad one can be sheer torment.
      December 14, 2016 3:27 PM MST
    2

  • Right,  sometimes it feels like people are implying  "Oh you poor thing you must be jealous of what I got."]
    Maybe, maybe not but don't assume.
      December 14, 2016 3:55 PM MST
    0

  • 17261


    ...You'll find someone,someday! ;-)
      December 14, 2016 3:39 PM MST
    1

  • GRRRRRRRR............
    Don't use my own chit against me!
      December 14, 2016 3:52 PM MST
    1

  • 17261
    Oopsie. Did I do that?
      December 14, 2016 3:59 PM MST
    1

  • Still waiting on the brillo pad and skittles.

    ( taps foot and looks art watch)
      December 14, 2016 4:24 PM MST
    1

  • 17261
    *sneaks away*
      December 14, 2016 4:47 PM MST
    1

  • 1128
    lol
      December 14, 2016 4:29 PM MST
    2

  • 1713
    It doesn't really bother me all that much. It only mildly annoys me when my mother constantly asks if I found a boyfriend or girlfriend yet and I keep telling her I'm not interested in that kind of relationship at all. She would even tell me about some really ugly people that she saw together and would say something like "if someone that ugly can find someone, then you definitely could!"
    That's just awful..
      December 14, 2016 6:35 PM MST
    0

  • Lol... I think it's time to tell mom  you're fine as you are ... Mom's can be so helpful :)
      December 14, 2016 6:41 PM MST
    0

  • 1713
    I do tell her. I think she's just trying to annoy me at this point. I guess since her parents did it to her, it's her turn to do it to me.
      December 14, 2016 6:43 PM MST
    0

  • Lol... You should sit her down and tell her about another girl you like ... Should give you a week or two of peace while she's trying to work out what to say :)
      December 14, 2016 6:45 PM MST
    0