Yes, of course they can, and some do. . It's vital if you have kids between you... I think what it takes is LOTS of honest talk and a genuine desire to get on and remain friends...
All this supposes though that there isn't too much hurt on one or both sides.
Oh... I disagree with the part about it being vital if you have kids. When I had to go through a parenting class (required if you divorce in AZ), they kept hitting home the importance of having a business relationship. I think an actual friendship would cause more conflicts. That's just MHO, though.
Fair enough.. we are all different.. I've seen friendships work very well... working together... I see what you mean but if you step back doesn't it seem a little odd that they describe raising kids as a business? Just a thought, not suggesting anything either way but it seemed odd to me...
Friends don't usually have conflict do they? I mean when we are friends with someone we respect them and try to see their point of view and sometimes do things for them to make their life easier just as they do for us....
I suppose at the end of the day it doesn't really matter what we call it - the really important thing is to work together and compromise where necessary and hold the interests of the child at the very heart of everyting you do.
The business aspect relates to the relationship. It's supposed to be like co-workers, with civility and boundaries. Sometimes you can't be friends with the person you co-parent with. Sometimes the other person is just an a-hole who doesn't put the kids first and only cares about protecting their sorry butt instead of what's best for the children they created. In this case, focusing on having a polite business relationship is best because it stops you from stabbing their eyes out with a rusty spoon every time they open their mouth and helps you avoid discussing topics that aren't related to the kids. The distance makes it easier to effectively co-parent.
Yes, get that.. where it's not possible to be friends then you should at least aim for a working colleague type relationship where you may not like them but know you have to be polite and work together to get the job done. It may be that I misunderstood.. i thought they were saying you shouldn't even aim for friends... as it may be a problem.. i think in reality lots can and do stay friends.. i did.. we always worked well and stayed friends... we cooperated and presented a united front for the school and for my daughter. I do appreciate it isn't always possible to do that, particularly if one of the partners has been hurt etc.. or the other has behaved badly.. I think i said that originally.. so yes you are right not always possible but imo friends is best if that is achievable, respect, cooperation and genuine caring.
Yes. My ex and I have been friends for the thirty years we have been divorced. Talk regularly and share holidays with the kids. Still friends with several ex-girlfriends too.
No hatred just different wants out of life. No reason to dislike someone for having a different lifestyle.
No. We separated on good terms. No fighting or personal attacks. Actually I was happy when my ex-wife remarried. I had fewer phone calls. I am friends with her new (married twenty years now) husband as well. Took awhile for him to get the relationship between my ex and me was no threat to him. Mostly about the kids.
It works because we focus on issues not on each other personally. Arguments are about issues not personal attacks.
Well...... the memories have to be put in their right place. Both parties must not want to re-new the relationship. Both parties must WANT to be friends. Then you can go back to before you were married sometimes.
It seldom has a good ending or when it does, it takes years because of all the other people, places and general issues like children that are involved.
I know many people who are friends with their exes. Sometimes a person can be a better friend than a partner/spouse/bf/girlfriend. I know a woman who took care of her dying ex-husband when he became ill.
That was the case with my oldest brother. His second wife stayed close and helped take care of him after a bad truck wreck. Lasted for 16 years till my brother died.
I never understood the concept or the desire to be friends with an ex. If it's just a breezy "friends with benefits" type of thing sure. If it's a serious committed relationship I don't understand how someone could make that work. I don't even understand why one would want to. Seems like too much work and if I'm going to put that much effort into it? Why even break up?
For better or worse I personally don't want to have anything to do with an ex once it comes to that point.
We remained friends and were in lock step on how the children were to be raised. The kids lived with her and it was important for them to know both of us were looking out for them.
You are fine being single. My youngest daughter is a single parent and she gets grief so much. (NOT from me or her dad...lol) She gets "Gee you are so pretty and young. You really need to find someone to settle down with." She usually has a snarky response. I just laugh.
Benedict Arnold 