OK Can you please tell me how to cook a pretty big frozen clump of bacon that was gloppily smacked in a baggy?

THROW IT OUT.   NOW.  

If you insist, thaw it to normal temperature.   Then take the portion you want to fry (do you KNOW how to fry stuff?)  Put it in a pan and watch it cook and take it out when it is done.  The grease is already in the meat for you.  Just put it in a pan and make sure it is sliced, and fry it. This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at December 17, 2016 8:02 AM MST

Yes... Thaw it first so you can separate the slices and then follow the printed directions.

First you need to put on a trashbag...

Put it in a skillet on the lowest heat, cover, go away for ten minutes.  Come back and separate the pieces and turn the heat up.  Did you really need help with this?

Thaw it in your microwave oven.
Cook it as you normally would.
Eat it.
Call a cardiologist.

Thaw it in cold water until enough of the outside layers that you want to cook are defrosted and fry as usual.  If you want to use the entire slab, defrost it in the microwave and fry as usual.