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Baybreeze

Would you accept a position that..?

If you were in child care and already doing some part time help for a woman who is a family friend, someone who is kind and flexible, yet, not consistent in telling me hours, and doesn't ever give feedback to me how I am with the child (I've taught him many concepts, numbers, words etc.) .. now going to take maternity leave for child #2 in spring... I am unsure if she'll keep me on part time or it will dwindle to only a few hours or what, but would you continue? We do click well, it's just the fact I never receive any acknowledgement of what I do with the toddler, and comes home late often. She is very meticulous with food and sleep and I've heard from other nannies they do not enjoy taking a postition if the parent will be there each day- they often monitor much more, hover, etc. I am unsure , what would you do?

Posted - December 18, 2016
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Responses


  • 17705
    You should be saying all of this to her, not us.  All of it. 
      December 18, 2016 10:38 AM MST
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  • And she's not entitled to voice her thoughts out loud so to speak? To say it and externalise while she works on how she feels about it and decides what she wants to do? Sorry, as always you are entitled to your opinion but you don't get to tell everyone else what to do.. right?
      December 18, 2016 2:07 PM MST
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  • I would talk to her about all of this and see what she has to say. If you're not communicating with her, how can you expect her to communicate with you?
      December 18, 2016 10:42 AM MST
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  • 5808
    exactly 
      December 18, 2016 3:46 PM MST
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  • I can understand why you are in a dilemma on this... it's always tricky and a bit delicate when you *work* for a friend... that makes it so much harder to say things as you are afraid of upsetting a working relationship...and a friendship.

    I think she must find it confusing at times too... and perhaps that's why she feels uncomfortable about giving feedback or doesn't feel it's necessary.. because you are perhaps more a friend than an employee.. or vice versa... 

    Ultimately, you are going to have to say something.... but you can say it nicely... in a friendly conversation.. something like.. I am really pleased for you that you are going to have another baby, I am wondering whether you will really need me while you are on maternity leave/I am wondering whether you still want me to help out while you are on maternity leave... You know I really love looking after/taking care of X, you've never said ... do you think i do it well?  

    My feeling is she thinks you are doing a great job or she would end the arrangement...  she may need you during the maternity period but perhaps less? And then when she goes back to work will need you again?

    I think that in your line of work it's unfortunate that people sometimes need to change your hours, like for something like not needing you when they are on maternity leave... but if that is the case, do try not to take it personally.. doesn't mean she doesn't appreciate you, or that you aren't doing a good job... 

    I hope it goes well for you.
      December 18, 2016 2:21 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Thanks so much friend. I appreciate your thoughtful words and response :)  Even though I'm unsure if she'll keep me on when having baby #2, I think the main thing I'm concerned, wondering, is if others would accept a position in which the parent will be with you most of the time. I've heard from nannies they did not like it, as it was constantly watching to see if your rules or ways clash with theirs, and they often times will hover over you, telling you small things that you would just be doing anyways...  I really loved your reply that also perhaps she feels it is half a friendship too, so sometimes 'work' lines can be skewed ...
      December 18, 2016 6:50 PM MST
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  • 46117
    Why are you putting all your eggs in one basket and letting this flighty woman run your life?   Your career?   Ask her to sign a letter of recommendation that you write.   Tell her you need some recogniton for all the time and effort you have put forth in doing this job.  Tell her you are going to seek employment elsewhere if she  does not give you some feedback on what she feels she needs and wants from you and that includes some stable hours and some consideration. 

    She is a jerk and dosen't even know it because you are too insecure to even demand that she respect you and your part in this arrangement.  

    Tell her you need to plan.  Tell her you have bills to pay just like her and if she is not going to give you decent stability, the  least she can do is write you a good reference.

    AND?  SCREW HER. 
      December 18, 2016 3:56 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Ty Sharonna. I do like her, she is kind to me, and I know she doesn't 'mean' any harm, and is busy, but I dont' think she realizes just like you said: I have bills, I have side things I do w/friends or family, and need to plan. Many days I don't even know what time she'll be home (but I did agree that sometimes if she is home a half hour late, I was ok with that).. but it happens a lot. So I can never plan to do anything after, and when I have had to leave, I just let it go and was late to something. I feel do I have a right to ask to leave at a certain time, when A. it is part time, and B. I agreed to stay a half hour late... :/  Other than that I enjoy our dynamic and the kid, soo smart and cute. I just also don't know whether to continue when she has baby 2, because often times moms can hover over a nanny if they are home all day too.... I wish things were easy in life !!
      December 18, 2016 6:53 PM MST
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  • 46117
    I hear you Baybreeze.  It is easy for me to just listen for a short time and give my opinion, but I know that it is more complicated than that.  I am just angry FOR you and want to stick up for you.  LOL

    I have a friend like that.  She is a doll, but she is hard to work for because I cannot pin her down or get her to agree to anything that is steady so I don't work for her.   It is not worth the stress of depending on people who are so scattered in their own lives.

    The best you can do is get another job and fit her in if YOU have time.  The kid is great and that is great, but is one great kid who will be fine with another nanny be hurt by your leaving all that much?  There are many great kids out there that may be a better fit for your wallet. 


    You  just need to get in the driver's seat with your job.    It is your money, after all.  But I have been in situations like yours and I know it is a lot easier to give advice than BE in the situation.  It is always more complicated than what you can tell me in a few short paragraphs.

    You are a lovely soul and whoever winds up with you should feel lucky.  It is obvious you care a great deal. This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at December 18, 2016 7:01 PM MST
      December 18, 2016 7:00 PM MST
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