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Benedict Arnold

Has your Christmas joy ever been crushed?

I was full of the Christmas Spirit until yesterday. I am dealing with a stressful situation right now and one of my family members is making it even more stressful on me. I spent half of last night crying over this and I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there until January 1st. My best friends mom, who is like a second mom to me, has just been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She is still in the hospital and I went to see her after work last night. She is getting to go home tomorrow under Hospice care. She will be at her daughter's (my best friend for the last 43 years) house and really wants me there for Christmas. My sister has made all these big plans for us to spend Christmas together. She wants to pick me up on Friday and not bring me back until Monday. That's just too much!. I explained to her last night that Granny, that's what I call her, wants me there for her last Christmas, but my sister is still insisting I come to her house. The rest of my sisters and my brother all have other plans and we are not getting together as a family this year. I think what bothers me the most is how heartless my sister is coming off right now. She knows I love the woman like a second mother, but all that matters is what my sister wants. I don't drive, so I can't leave when I want, so seeing both is out of the question. I want to spend Granny's last Christmas with her, but I don't want to start a fight with my sister over this. I am to the point to where I wouldn't care if Christmas was canceled this year. Thanks for letting me vent. I can't put my feelings about this on Facebook because my sister would see it. 

Posted - December 20, 2016
Tags : None

Responses


  • 3934
    I am sorry your sister is being so dense. I hope it's out of misunderstanding rather than selfishness.

    My suggestion is to remind her that she's had you around for several previous Christmases, and she'll most likely have you around for next Christmas and several Christmases after that. But this Christmas it's very important you be with your ill second mother. Hopefully, she'll get it.

    Meanwhile, we can add your situation to the [Bleep] You, 2016 roster....:-P...
      December 20, 2016 4:34 AM MST
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  • I wish I could give multiple likes for that video!! That made me laugh. I think it's just because my sister wants what she wants. She didn't seem to have much compassion when I told her Granny wanted me with her Christmas. She said something like, "I'm sorry, but we already have plans." I think that hurt me more than anything. I could bring up our vacation from last year. We had plans to spend several days in a cabin in a State park, we had even made the reservations. She called me about a week before we were going to be leaving and TOLD me our plans had changed. Her best friend was taking her vacation at the same time and we were all going to her friends parents house in Florida. I don't know her friend, met her once at my nephew's graduation and she kinda blew me off and ignored me. I told my sister that I wasn't going, she didn't seem too upset that she totally blew up our plans. Like I said, I don't want to start a fight, but I really want to spend Christmas with granny. 
      December 20, 2016 4:53 AM MST
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  • 17612
    Karen, you have to spend Christmas with Granny.  You have no question as to what you want.  That is coming from your heart.  Explain to sister calmly and one time in a short phone call.  Is sister by herself?  Does she know Granny?  Granny would feel awful to know what you are going through.  I hope it goes will with your sister but really, how could not understand? 
      December 20, 2016 9:59 PM MST
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  • Your time is yours to do with with as you see fit ... And I think you've made it clear what you want to do ... This is possible your friend's last Christmas ... I know what I'd do ... If your sister can't see the need then she doesn't deserve consideration ... I'm sorry about your friend and I hope you find the strength to do what you want ... Good luck Hun
      December 20, 2016 4:54 AM MST
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  • Thank you. I am so upset over all of this. I think what bothers me the most is how insensitive my sister was last night. If the situation were reversed, she'd break our plans in a heartbeat, if I break them, all H*ll is going to break loose. 
      December 20, 2016 5:07 AM MST
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  • Karen ... I'm a bit different when it comes to family then most ... To me the idea no automatic "they come first"issue .. it's needs based ... I think you know where there greatest need is ... And yes, very easy for me to say I know ... I wish you well with whatever u you decide
      December 20, 2016 5:22 AM MST
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  • 11091
    You and I may have the same sister! It took a long time for me to quit feeling like I always had to be the one to give in.

    Don't let feelings of guilt ruin your last chance to make memories with your Granny. Your sister will get over it. Just say 'this is important to me and I'm not changing my mind'. End of discussion'.  If your sister wants to see you, she will arrange it around your plans, if not, that's not your problem. 
      December 20, 2016 5:04 AM MST
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  • That may be what i have to end up doing. She won't be alone, her boyfriend, his sister and his niece are going to be there. I think she really just wants me there to help with the cooking. 
      December 20, 2016 5:09 AM MST
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  • 11091
    If she does just want help with the cooking, then she totally is my sister! I wouldn't give this a second thought. Enjoy your time with Granny with a clear conscience!
      December 20, 2016 5:12 AM MST
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  • 17612
    I'm lucky; my sister is my best friend.  :)
      December 20, 2016 10:01 PM MST
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  • Life is not all about your sister.  Maybe it's an opportunity to let her know that.

    Sorry about your situation Karen.  It really sucks when people close refuse to acknowledge another's feelings and hardships like that.
      December 20, 2016 6:04 AM MST
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  • I just don't like conflict. I've never know her to be this heartless and so non-understanding. It's really got me tore up that her attitude is ME ME ME....
      December 20, 2016 6:53 AM MST
    1

  • 34416
    Go see Granny. That is more important this right now. There will be other Christmases with your sister. You said the rest of your siblings are busy this year also. Sister will have to meet over it. 
      December 20, 2016 6:52 AM MST
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  • She can get really childish about things.  Arguing with her is like trying to calm down a three year old throwing a tantrum. I've done it before and it looks like I may have to do it again. 
      December 20, 2016 11:34 AM MST
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  • 17612
    This is what I was addressing when I said tell her one time in a short phone call.  There is no reason to argue because you are going to see sick Granny.  Plus people say things they regret and the whole thing grows.  Just say what you need to say and when she goes nuts say you are sorry and don't want to hurt her but if the shoe was on the other foot................................................then say Merry Christmas.  I'm good at telling you this but I don't know how well I could do it either.  So, I'll say a prayer for best outcome.
      December 20, 2016 10:05 PM MST
    1

  • 1128
    Karen, go spend the time with Granny.  It will give Granny and you special memories. If nobody understands, leave it with them. 
      December 20, 2016 6:59 AM MST
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  • That is probably what I'll do.  She, my sister,  didn't mind running or vacation...... Read my comment under Old Schools answer. 
      December 20, 2016 11:32 AM MST
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  • 1128
    Some people really need to be more considerate of others. So sorry you are in this situation, but go and be a blessing.  You will remember this year as a special one. ;)
      December 20, 2016 12:41 PM MST
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  • 3907
    Hello Karen:

    Rent a Jew for Christmas..  That's my NEW venture.. 

    Look..  I don't LIKE your sister, but I'll go to her house in your stead.  I'll help with cooking, I'll bring presents, and I'll even pretend I like Donald Trump..  Since you're my friend, and my first customer, I'm not gonna charge you.

    Give my love to Granny, and have a Merry Christmas.

    excon This post was edited by excon at December 20, 2016 10:09 PM MST
      December 20, 2016 7:58 AM MST
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  • You do know that I love you,  right? 
      December 20, 2016 11:29 AM MST
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  • Go to granny's. It may well be her last Christmas.

    And yes to your primary question. My bellowing, raging, stupid, fecal, hate-filled, unstable father could kill the spirit and fun of any gathering.
      December 20, 2016 8:11 AM MST
    1

  • Sorry.... That actually sounds a bit like my mother. 
      December 20, 2016 11:30 AM MST
    0