It can leave you fully concious but also fully incapable. Not a tempting deal for someone who remembers all about the many things he could do in the past.
That's very dark, but I'm sure that's what my mom (a stroke survivor) would say. She had a stroke about 2.5 years ago. She woke up in immense pain. They had to put her into a medical coma while trying to get her brain swelling to go down. When they finally brought her out of it, she had lost the ability to move her left side and couldn't talk. She begged for people to kill her. That's only the start of it. She spent several months in the hospital and went through all kinds of therapy, where she learned how to talk and resume a few other functions again. She then transferred to a nursing home and was entirely bedridden. She continued to get more therapy, but the only people around to have discussions with were those who were so far gone they couldn't hold a conversation. Lots of old ladies holding dollies, talking about how someday their children would come get them out... only you knew their kids were never coming. The nurses were not responsive, yet they were the ones responsible for delivering medications and changing her briefs (that's PC code for diapers). The depressive atmosphere once more made her suicidal.
Eventually, she no longer needed acute care (about a year after the stroke) and she moved to a group home. Only, the group home didn't take proper care of her and she was hospitalized for stupid things related to improper care. I moved her across the country and brought her home with me. Eventually, I moved her to a facility. She doesn't understand that her brain doesn't work. She's pissed at me because she needs a guardian to make decisions for her. She's pissed that she still has to wait for someone to change her briefs. She's pissed that she can't date, can't work, and has to rely on other people for everything from her basic care to buying her hygiene supplies. No matter how much autonomy we try to give her, it will never be like before. She will never be able to live unsupervised again. She will never be able to just pick up and run to the store. She's an animal lover. She can't own a pet because she can't take care of one. And on, and on. She still goes through bouts of suicidal thoughts. She still can't use the left side of her body. She's not even 60. This is her life for the next 20+ years, provided one of the things she's now at a greater risk for don't pick her off before then.
The doctors say she's lucky... most days, she doesn't feel that way at all.
I was reluctant to give a "like" for that answer. There's nothing in it to feel good about except the care you're giving her. I'm so sorry she's going through this and can understand, to some extent, her frustration. Kudos to you for all you've done.
JakobA the unAmerican. 