Many years ago, as a teenager, I dropped something heavy on my big toe and it swelled and the pain was excruciating. My dad took me to the emergency room and the doc said that he had to relieve the pressure under my toenail. To do that, he would heat up a straightened paper clip and melt a hole in the nail. The nurse cleaned my foot by pouring alcohol over my foot and surrounded my foot with sterile rags. When the doc lit a match to heat the paper clip, he burned his finger and dropped the match on my alcohol soaked foot. Yep, you guessed it, my foot went up in flames. The nurse was beating out the flames with a towel, which hurt my toe even more. Eventually, he succeeded in making the hole and the pain went away instantly.
A few months later, I was visiting a friend in the same hospital and got on the elevator to go up to her floor. My eyes locked on the doctor in the elevator, his eyes locked on mine and we both burst out laughing until I almost wet my pants. It was the same "flaming doctor".
I once slammed my finger in my car door, under my fingernail there was a build up of blood just like you describe with your toe...the doctor I was working with did the same thing with the paperclip, put a stack of post it papers on top of the paperclip then WHACK! He hit that through my fingernail....yep instant relief!
A paper clip? Quite the sophisticated surgical instrument there...you are OLD, Brother Flo...now that would be grounds for lawsuit, in and of itself prolly!
I don't have any doctor/patient funniest, but doctor/nurse....yep! I once asked one of the doctors I work with, (who happened to have worked the ER prior to working the med/surge floors) what was the strangest thing he's ever seen working in the ER....well, the old adage of "don't ask if you don't want to know" kicks in here! Let's just say it has to do with muscle tone of a certain orifice
My dad was on the board of directors in a major Philly hospital and the highlight of his monthly meetings with the docs was the emergency doctors "stories" of the patients that came in with objects stuck in certain places. Various fruits, vegetables, light bulbs, tools, kitchen utensils, etc.
I can only imagine...little do people know, there are many stories "we" tell! Humor relieves our job stress sometimes and if it's a good story? It hangs out for a loooong time!
And that non-comment prompts me to ask if, in the US, you use an IED for people having a colonoscopy, marketed here as Prep Kit C? Talk about explosive! :(
Not really funny, or certainly not funny to anyone other than my doctor and me, but I hate pelvics/paps. Sure, most women do, but apparently I am worse than most. So there I am, up on the table, after several prompts of "just a little more" I finally get to the desired position when the assistant tells me I just need to relax. Before I can sarcastically respond, the doc says "Oh she doesn't relax, ya just gotta smack her upside the head...I cracked up, which apparently relaxed me enough for him to complete his mission. :)
Clearly I've never been in that position but I can understand exactly what you mean. Makes me glad to be male. :(
On the other hand I went to see a urologist prior to getting a biopsy for prostate cancer. Nice bloke. Knowledgeable. No class at all. He said, "Drop your pants and assume the position." As soon as I was bent over his couch he went in looking for it. I nearly jumped over the bloody couch.
I'm taking a physical exam, as part of the hiring requirements, so I can get a job I wanted. Before I enter the sound booth, the nurse instructs me to "push the button when you're sure you hear a sound." So I go into the booth, sit down, put on the headphones and pickup the buzzer switch.
Now remember ... she told me to make sure I hear a sound and then push the button. So I just waited until all these faint noises got easy to hear and then I'd push the button. When I exited the booth, the nurse said to me ... "Well, Mr. Shumway, if these results are accurate, you can't hear a word I'm saying!" ....... (she didn't retest me)
I've had the same test and with the same instructions. I hit the buzzer anyway so I got through.
But one of the funniest work-related questions I cam across was for my eye test. One question asked, "Do you were spectacles?" and the next quetions was "Why do you wear spectacles." When I got to the optometrist she said, "I should no better than to ask but what does BAAB stand for?" and I told her I was a Blind As A Bat.
LOL ... When I go for a doctor's appointment, the nurse always says, "How are you today, Mr. Shumway?" "I'm fine. That's why I'm here," I reply. That gets the ball rolling with the nurses, but doctors don't smile anymore. Too afraid of being sued, I'd imagine. Health care isn't the same as it used to be.
My doctor used to compete in an annual 100 mile canoe marathon on our local river. He told me once that no matter how hard you train by the time you get to 80 miles your hands are blistered and by the end you're lucky to have any skin at all.
One Monday, that day after the event, he had a pretty little girl, partly undressed as he examined her. That's when mother saw his hands. "Doctor," she said, "do you have ring worms?" He looked at his palms and said, "Oh, those aren't ring worms. I have leprosy."
"Strange woman," he said. "No sense of humour at all. She snatched the kid and her clothes and bolted.:" He never saw them again.
Benedict Arnold 