I find it fascinating that while you and I both have an extensive range of knowledge about God and religion and philosophy, that our journey's that have followed the Delphic maxim of "Know thyself" have been so different and characterized by such different emotions and feelings.
Perhaps I have simply forgotten any of the bad times that I might have had because the end result has retroactively healed me.
Dear Tom, Yes, it is true for me...when I discovered that depression can actually be a longing for God, it was like the floodgates opening and then I KNEW what to do...from then on, my one reason-for-being.
Have I understood correctly, is that what you meant?