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The wife and I both come from a long line of SOB's but yet we are both grateful and gracious and so are both of our boys so I don't think kindness is a inherited trait. Cheers!
There might be some influence from genes. For instance, some people and some species are endowed with more or less ability to produce the hormone oxytocin. It determines aspects of the feelings of love, and the stickiness of bonding and fidelity in relationships. Others have higher levels of testosterone, which can enhance things like initiative, courage, libido, and aggression. If someone has a stronger tendency to love, or someone else, aggression, that could affect how they respond to and relate with others.
But I know it can be learned. I still struggle with the learning.
I came from a family which had no understanding about functional relating. And I still struggle with it every day, trying to learn more, develop better skills.
My parents did teach me conventional politeness - 'though not by practising it on my sister and me. We were taught it as a set of rules which had to be obeyed or else punishment swiftly followed. Obedience had to be instant. There were no 2nd or 3rd chances.
It took me a long time to learn that some forms of politeness are not always functional. And that politeness is only one of an encyclopedia of skills in relating.
If grace means an undeserved gift of mercy, then grace in relating means giving the benefit of the doubt - double checking what is meant by the other.
If grace means beauty in movement, then grace in relating means treating all relationships like a dance, a form of mutual communication that adapts moment by moment to the music.
As any dancer might say, it takes a lot of learning.
Do the SOB's recognize that is what they are Nanoose? So you and your wife broke the cycle and your children will benefit from it. I think the environment in which we grow up affects us a great deal. A child born to racists for example will likely become racist and have the same hatreds. OR the child may find that thinking repulsive and reject it. I think it more likely that would be less likely. Fighting your surroundings and rejecting what you are taught by your parents, your first teachers, 
takes a lot of independent thought and some people are unable to figure it out. Thank you for your reply! :)
Your environment as a child seems very harsh to me. "Obedience had to be instant, That sounds like there was an "or else" attached to it. Ultimatum. I don't do ultimatums. I never faced them as a child and when I did as an adult I always took the or else. Always. When I think of graceful, gracious, grace I think of people like Audrey Hepburn and Princess Diana and Angelina Jolie. Celebrities who have given back of themselves. Their money, their time, their fame...to benefit others. When Angelina and Brad had their first child they gave the exclusive rights to photograph the child and charged a huge sum of money for it. Which they then contributed to charities. They used the system to benefit others. Princess Diana was the epitome of grace to me despite her life and how badly she was treated/humiliated by her husband. Noblesse oblige maybe is part of it. To whom much is given much is expected. I have always admired those who give back not only willingly but lovingly and meaningfully. Not for tax writeoffs or notoriety but because they simply see the need and want to help. Then you have people like Trump who is the antithesis of grace/gracious/graceful. The yin and yang I guess . In raising my son I tried to NOT DO whatever my parents did that hurt me and I tried to do/say to him what they did/said to me to make me feel good about myself. I used them as a yardstick because being a parent involves on-the-job training. I think most people do their best. At least I would like to think so. However "best" is relative and as my dad used to say "some people's best is not very good". Life is all about learning. The more books you read the more you learn. The more life you live the more you know. The more doors you leave open the more adventures in thinking/discovering
you can have Thank you for your reply hartfire! :) .
Thank you for giving me your definition of a graceful way of life - giving of oneself - a beautiful way to decribe it.
I think it describes you. The way you give with your questions.
That is an exceedingly kind way to see me hartfire. There are some here who lie in wait to insult/attack me. Refugees from Answerbag and some new ones here on Answermug
. No matter what I ask it displeases them. So this is a perfect example of beauty being in the eye of the beholder. I have nothing to do with it. How you see me has everything to do with it. Thank you for seeing me that way. I really appreciate it! ((hugs))
