Discussion»Questions»Family» If you have children are/were they afraid of you? Were you afraid of YOUR parents? What benefits does fear bring to a relationship? How?
((hugs)) I am so sorry that is your history with your father. I wonder how many children were treated very badly whistle? It would probably be a depressingly large number if we could find that stat. Thank you for your reply. I think if there is a HE** there should be a special room reserved for those who abuse children and animals. We are supposed to protect them, take care of them. SIGH.
I would have liked to understood what made him so bitter, hate filled and unstable. His parenting was a scary, terrible experience for me. But it had to be terrible for him to live with so much rage and bitterness and to be trapped in a intolerable situation, spouse, parent and his job, with no way out and no coping strategy.
I expect that was how he was treated/raised by his parents whistle. I mean our first role models/teachers are our parents. He only mirrored what he learned. He was not able to overcome it so he repeated what he experienced. Of course that is only a guess. Thank you for your reply and Happy Sunday! :)
Perhaps. But I have often wondered if there was an organic, biological influence. The brain is subject to injury or poor function like all organs. It was also obvious family life totally overwhelmed him.
Atleast they made me steer away from the whole alcoholism thing. I certainly don't want to turn out like them. Besides, alcohol seems to trigger migraines in me anyway.
My brother-in-law has the same problem Patch. Also cheddar cheese and chocolate trigger migraines for him! How sad isTHAT? Thank you for your reply! :)
I was brought up to have a healthy fear of adults. I don't think it was a bad thing since I learned early on to be respectful to authority.
I cringe when I see parents being more of a "friend" to their child than a "parent". I think too much of that may set up a child to not know their boundaries.
I disagree with thee PeaPod. Fearing one's parents makes me feel so sad. Also being your child's friend is a good thing. Being a friend does not mean giving in to the child on everything or spoiling him/her. It means what "friend" means at any age. You are on his/her side. You give support when needed and encouragement and also advice/guidance when needed. You are always honest and respectful to your child because if you aren't how does he/she learn how to treat others? Thank you for your reply and Happy Sunday. Long ago someone said "children need a soft place to land". Parents should always be that soft place in my opinion no matter how old the children are. Just my opinion! :)
Maybe fear is the wrong word. It's respect. I just know I wouldn't have ever disrespected an adult and that carried into how I treat people today.
My dad ended up raising us after my mom left our family. He played the role of being a friend instead of a parent. I was in my very early teens. There were no rules, no boundaries, and it was the most confusing time of my life. Yes, a good parent is kind and involved with their child, but needs to be able to put rules and expectations in place and stick to them.
Trust me. Raising yourself at the most critical time in your life is something that can really make going into adulthood very difficult.
Fear of my parents was never part of my childhood Lulu'sMom. However as the first born I always wanted to please them. I didn't want them to be angry with me or disappointed in me. They used me as an example/role model for my "baby" sister and I didn't want to let them or her down ever. But neither one ever raised a hand to me or insulted me or called me names. I guess I was lucky. Thank you for your reply! :)
My children were/are never afraid of me. If anything I was too easy on them. I never hit them and punished them rarely if ever. They could have used more discipline. I guess Im a bit of a marshmallow.
Here's what I think about hitting a child. It is physical abuse. There is never any excuse for striking a child. All it does is cause fear. It also teaches them a very important lesson. If you're big you can hit people and get away with it. What kind of lesson is that to teach a child? Folks who were raised by parents who hit them tell you "I turned out OK". Well no they didn't if they hit their children. Physically abusing children is not OK. In my opinion. Thank you for your reply and Happy Sunday to thee cp! :)
Benedict Arnold 